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5/17/2004 c1 new account
Quite good I must say. But there where a many repetitive words. The dialouge at the end needs some work,
"Peril always try to cover the entire rock. Nevertheless it leaves room, for hope"
I have no idea what you're talking about here.
But don't be discouraged! Your story is intriging. Keep going, I'll be reading.
12/29/2003 c1 Solita
Good story so far! Gonna be honest and say I don't like fantasy that much - not my cup of tea. But you did well! =D
6/24/2003 c1 30Preston2099
Listen, I hope somehow this reaches you. This is very good! You express your self through your story and charecters, and that's not the easiest thing when you right a story or poem. Listen, that Mako Lunacy wrote more stuff so check it out. By the way, check out my story; LLyod Leonhart page 21 or 22 and read my story togetherness and give a review, you won't be disapointted
5/28/2003 c1 2Dorkie
Oh. My. Gosh. You definitely have a gift for words. You use wonderful descriptions, beatiful ideas...wow! I can't believe more people haven't reviewed you, that really sucks. keep up the good writing!
5/27/2003 c1 Mako Lunacy
A thanks for the feed back you gave my story call consuming darkness, the first chapter is posted so read it and give me some more feedback, also your story is pretty good keep up the good stories Thanks
5/27/2003 c1 2The Alien from Uranus
Well, it cleared up some of my confusion. I get that a king is dead and a there's a woman with a baby and a little boy at the end. Then there're those white knights... It's definately different from anything I would've expected. You really have a way with words... and a bigger vocabulary than me!

Hope to see more of it!
5/27/2003 c1 4Eiji
^-^ Your writing's so beautiful.

Wow, so the baby is the hope?
5/27/2003 c1 Kyalia
Love it. Great images/metaphors/similies/stuff like that.
5/27/2003 c1 YoungFlower
wow.. that was so intense. your words flow beautifully. i feel really awful about my story now. It's not half as good as this! T want to know what happens!
5/27/2003 c1 30Mishael
Your imagery is very vivid and you've managed to create an extremely dark, violent atmosphere that suits your story, I like it. I agree that some of your dialogue maybe needs working on, but it's a great beginning. :)
5/26/2003 c1 Crystal
Great! The only thing is there are a few mispelled words..but I might be wrong.
5/26/2003 c1 10Vetrena
Wow! And you said you were jealous of MY work? Buddy boy I think we are playing the same game on the same level. *bows her head deeply* I deam you a worthy opponent, and I'm proud of that. I particularly loved all the detail you poured into that story. I could picture everything happening as i read it. Not many people in my experiance as a reader/ writer can catch my attention the way you did. keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. But there is still one thing you could work on... dialog. The dialog was a little lacking, but other than that great work!
5/26/2003 c1 20starangel100890
hmm intriguing very and to answer your question the narriator is confused on why the man loves her when she feels cold and broken hearted. I wrote one story and three or four poems I'll read your other one. I like this story it describes distructions pretty well.
5/26/2003 c1 Goodbye-Account
o! Continue this please! Can't wait !
5/26/2003 c1 1judita
I am in love with your writing. Fantastic descriptions.

I also love fantasy stories so I can't wait to see what happens. Write more soon.

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