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for Deconstructing Destruction

1/11/2004 c2 27Morcar
Part 2 then. Kind of more of the same. Starts out moderately well, goes too far into preacher mode. Probably the single best line in the entire poem is "Do you remember meeting your nephew for the first time and thinking what the fuck sort of role model will I ever be to you bub" (although I'd ditch the "do you remember") again its showing rather than telling, and is all the stronger for that.
1/11/2004 c1 Morcar
Okay, first of you need a better summary. "It shits me that nobody in this community acknowledges that it happens when it does" is (a) extremely confrontational and (b) demonstrably inaccurate. Assuming that this *is* a protracted metaphor for rape (or domsetic violence, or indeed both) then I've seen at least one poem on the subject crop up in the last two days, and that was just from a cursory scan of the page. You might also want to think about the assertion that this "needs to be said", believe me if there is one thing that does not "need to be said" it's that violence towards women is bad. It's kind of taken as a given.
The rest of my reaction to this poem is, unfortunately, coloured by the summary. To my reading it comes across as trying *way* too hard to be gritty, punchy and socially relevant.
The best part of the poem is the opening, it shows us a lot about the subject of the poem, rather than telling us, and it works rather well. Later on, however the poem gets bogged down in its own "needing to be said", your protagonist just starts telling us how she feels, and it gets all didactic on us.
6/5/2003 c2 26sweetspontaneous
is this hope? it sounds like a bird with once-broken-healing wings, but hope starts to be like that, after a while. wonderful, as usual.
6/4/2003 c2 bleak reality
If nothing else, the end of this section sounds far more hopeful then the last. Whatever happened, she suvived it.

(Don't! take this down)
6/1/2003 c1 sweetspontaneous
it's intense, and difficult, and sharp-edged- the gritty, matter-of-fact tone, the wry dark humour- it all works out to something too complicated summarized with bitter simplicity in the last few lines. breath-taking as a fist in the gut.
5/31/2003 c1 bleak reality
This is an artwork akin to Picasso's Guernica - intense and powerful even though I don't entirely understand the reason for the pain.
5/31/2003 c1 7Forsaken Destiny
okay i'm gonna take a guess and say this poem was about a woman who got raped? i'm just guessing but it was a good poem even if i was wrong.
5/31/2003 c1 2blinkie
Okay..so literally, I take it she was on a motorcycle/bike and was involved in an accident. But on a deeper level, I dont get it! Im ashamed of myself. Ive read it over and over, even to the point of reading into her relationship with the boss, and i still dont get it.

Good poem! It's very "matter-of-fact". (I dont know what the hell that means, but that was the first impression in mind) ^_^

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