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8/28/2005 c1 10Wesley The Dark Prince
Hm I like what you got going here. You're trying to create a chaotic urban backdrop and mix several characters togethor with results unexpected. Good plan I have to admit. You got both of those down pat, although maybe not very well. The writing is good, well average really, but I understand that you try to take a comic book approach to it. So I can understand.

The setting is nice, although the characters aren't exactly varied. In fact I feel like this is going to turn into some early 90s martial arts kick fest. I'm hoping and wishing and praying that it won't. Jean Claudde-Vandamme died out for a reason...

Present time in third person? I'm sorry but NO. It rarely works, this included. Try something different perhaps? Mix it up a bit?

And same with the name San Angeles. It's the typical result that people would come up with when imagining a Los Angeles/San Diego cross, but it's worn out like Anna Nichole Smith. Even if it wasn't in Demolition man it would still be rather unoriginal. Maybe...The Southland state? That could work...

I like what you have going here, it shows good potential, but I don't know if it's my cup of tea. But just for the sake of wild reckless adventure on the high sea I'll watch where this goes. Good luck!
8/24/2005 c1 6Ashley Rowland
First i would like to thank you for reading my story "Death Angels" and for your review. I would just like to say that the story was not rushed and i purposly made it so you don't know what happened for suspense. the secound chapter will explain more. i would like it if you read it when i posted it and give me your review again.Secound i would like to congratulate you on a great story so far. told very well and catching my every bit of atention. keep up the good work.Ashley Rowland
8/22/2005 c3 traa
Wanted to apoligize about my other reviews. My parents pissed me off and i took my anger out on you. Sorry, deeply. I re- read through your story and found it to be pretty good. So keep it up and again, I'm deeply sorry.
8/20/2005 c2 traa
8/20/2005 c1 traa
that f#@*ing sucked. It made me want to vomit. I ran to the bathroom like three times just in case. That should never have been put up and your moron for putting it up, so that the entire world can see your non- existing talent. YOU SUCK.
7/16/2005 c10 12Monev11235
Hmm, interesting. You compared this to mine, but really they're like two sides of one coin. Mine is like the evil sort of company enforcers, yours are like almost-clearly-defined good guys. Hmm... anyway, it was a pretty good story except for the issues I mentioned with the past and present tense.
7/15/2005 c4 Monev11235
Hey, thanks for your review on "The Enforcers." Anyway, when you mentioned it seeming similar to your story, I looked it up. Blah blah, monologue. Anyway, I'll do another review when I'm done with all of it, but I just wanted to point out (before I forgot) that it seems to have issues with switching between past and present tense in the first few chapters.
7/6/2005 c1 JaveHarron
Funny setup here. Seems like a satire of a lot of 60s cliches here. For some reason, this vaguely reminds me of 60s Batman, but in a good way.
9/8/2004 c1 4pandagirl11
Well...this is a good start. It's a bit hard to continue reading on and on because the plot's moving a bit slowly and since the chapter's so long, it seems to take forever for something new to happen. Usually, people's chapters are too short but yours is the opposite. Just slightly, though. But anyways, good job! If you have time, check out "The Search" and R&R! =)

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