for The Watcher7/1/2005 c1 ForgottenHope
wow! that was really good. i like your style of writing. it was a little rushed, but it was still very interesting. keep up the great work!
wow! that was really good. i like your style of writing. it was a little rushed, but it was still very interesting. keep up the great work!
11/28/2004 c1 Hester Inkmaid
The whole mood was a bit rushed; hurried, but you did mention in your profile that you had to write this for a contest, so I'm assuming there was a word limit.
The subject matter is clever. I liked the 'incident' (though you didn't really recount the incident in the story) where the main character gives his 'love' the glass cup as a present. It's a sweet and original idea. Hehe, that came out weird. I meant that the main character's idea was sweet, and your idea to give the main character that idea was original. :)
Am I obsessing too much over the cup? I hope not.
Anyway, I found out about this story through your sister (Raine*insertnumber*)'s profile, and it amazes me how nice you are to each other. :/ This is irrelevant, but it makes me jealous. :\ My brother would die before he called me 'smarter than him!'
The whole mood was a bit rushed; hurried, but you did mention in your profile that you had to write this for a contest, so I'm assuming there was a word limit.
The subject matter is clever. I liked the 'incident' (though you didn't really recount the incident in the story) where the main character gives his 'love' the glass cup as a present. It's a sweet and original idea. Hehe, that came out weird. I meant that the main character's idea was sweet, and your idea to give the main character that idea was original. :)
Am I obsessing too much over the cup? I hope not.
Anyway, I found out about this story through your sister (Raine*insertnumber*)'s profile, and it amazes me how nice you are to each other. :/ This is irrelevant, but it makes me jealous. :\ My brother would die before he called me 'smarter than him!'
11/19/2004 c1 Moz
Hi,
I saw you mentioned in Lisa's profile and thought I'd have a peek. This is so well-written and very effective. I think short stories are probably the hardest type of story to write, because you have to squeeze so much into just a few hundred words. You've squeezed everything into this one! Your descriptions are great. Makes the reader feel as though he/she is right where the action's taking place. You should post more stories!
Hi,
I saw you mentioned in Lisa's profile and thought I'd have a peek. This is so well-written and very effective. I think short stories are probably the hardest type of story to write, because you have to squeeze so much into just a few hundred words. You've squeezed everything into this one! Your descriptions are great. Makes the reader feel as though he/she is right where the action's taking place. You should post more stories!
8/29/2004 c1 
5quiksilva brumby
wow, that was really well written =) it was really well described, but kind of creepy how he just watched her lol. But yeah, great work, keep writing!
.:micky:. xx
5quiksilva brumbywow, that was really well written =) it was really well described, but kind of creepy how he just watched her lol. But yeah, great work, keep writing!
.:micky:. xx
7/5/2004 c1 Call me when you're rich
Wow,
this is kind of funny (not your story sorry)just i wrote a very sim. story from female pov then lost it before i could write it up so i was delighted to read this! Anyway, it's great. I like the end...and the rest of it too, naturally. Whoops, just digging a deeper hole...
Wow,
this is kind of funny (not your story sorry)just i wrote a very sim. story from female pov then lost it before i could write it up so i was delighted to read this! Anyway, it's great. I like the end...and the rest of it too, naturally. Whoops, just digging a deeper hole...
5/27/2004 c1 12TesubCalle
Masterful job of giving us all these perfect little impressions of what 'the Watcher' sees when he gazes upon the object of his secret affection.
I'm sure just about every one of your readers assumes from the beginning that 'the Watcher' is another run-of-the-mill sicko stalker. (I know I did!)
Fabulous conclusion!
12TesubCalleMasterful job of giving us all these perfect little impressions of what 'the Watcher' sees when he gazes upon the object of his secret affection.
I'm sure just about every one of your readers assumes from the beginning that 'the Watcher' is another run-of-the-mill sicko stalker. (I know I did!)
Fabulous conclusion!
11/30/2003 c1 10talesoftrepidation
ooh, wow, that was yummy.
yummy in a touching way, not like "oh, wow, let's go do that!"
i like the way you're paragraphs are thoughts and i like the way it seems so innocent. he's just watching, right? you may want to change some tenses, but the portrayal of those quick sentences is very strong.
makes me enlightened to write something of my own now.
10talesoftrepidationooh, wow, that was yummy.
yummy in a touching way, not like "oh, wow, let's go do that!"
i like the way you're paragraphs are thoughts and i like the way it seems so innocent. he's just watching, right? you may want to change some tenses, but the portrayal of those quick sentences is very strong.
makes me enlightened to write something of my own now.
11/13/2003 c1 HoneyDewGodess
woah...its..its..its breathtaking..im speechless..dun mind me...ITS AWESOME!. gawd you seriously are talented. great story...i love the glass concept thingie...please update...continue the story or is this it?please let there be more... :D neways bye! keep writing asap..
woah...its..its..its breathtaking..im speechless..dun mind me...ITS AWESOME!. gawd you seriously are talented. great story...i love the glass concept thingie...please update...continue the story or is this it?please let there be more... :D neways bye! keep writing asap..
8/18/2003 c1 Sheila1
I...I...don't know what to say. I mean that was a work of art. I've heard that some people were born to write. They were born with the ability to make the reader see what's in their mind. You are one of those people. This story held emotion and a hint of sadness. Needless to say, I loved it. If you ever have time could you read some of my stuff. It's probably not nearly as good as this but i would like to know what you think. Please post more.
*~*Sheila
I...I...don't know what to say. I mean that was a work of art. I've heard that some people were born to write. They were born with the ability to make the reader see what's in their mind. You are one of those people. This story held emotion and a hint of sadness. Needless to say, I loved it. If you ever have time could you read some of my stuff. It's probably not nearly as good as this but i would like to know what you think. Please post more.
*~*Sheila
8/3/2003 c1 The Angel Called Kitana
Wait a minute...you're not just saying my story is great just because I reviewed yours, huh? ^^ Well, you can have my assurance that this is a great fic, and you can say whatever you like about mine, cuz I know it's not ALL THAT. Anywayz, g2g!
Wait a minute...you're not just saying my story is great just because I reviewed yours, huh? ^^ Well, you can have my assurance that this is a great fic, and you can say whatever you like about mine, cuz I know it's not ALL THAT. Anywayz, g2g!
8/2/2003 c1 2Ha-sone
Hey all. Um, thanks for the reviews. I think I will post more stories ... eventually. I knew this was one of the best things to come out of my brain, but I wasn't sure if that exactly meant much. I have been uplifted and maybe inspired, and for that I thank you all.
Kitana: You actually bring up a good point. I don't have the story in front of me, but for best effect I probably should've written it in the present. However, I still insist that the ending is open (don't know if I ever said that here, but I do). If I had written "and I died" at the end (which I never would, it ruins the feel of it), I probably would've kept it in past tense. Though "suspension of disbelief" is more of a stage term (I think) , I think it applies here. The story doesn't quite fit to reality, but I'm hoping the quality of the writing makes up for it. Plus, everybody in the story is a little weird in their own way. I think it's a reflection of the writer:)
2Ha-soneHey all. Um, thanks for the reviews. I think I will post more stories ... eventually. I knew this was one of the best things to come out of my brain, but I wasn't sure if that exactly meant much. I have been uplifted and maybe inspired, and for that I thank you all.
Kitana: You actually bring up a good point. I don't have the story in front of me, but for best effect I probably should've written it in the present. However, I still insist that the ending is open (don't know if I ever said that here, but I do). If I had written "and I died" at the end (which I never would, it ruins the feel of it), I probably would've kept it in past tense. Though "suspension of disbelief" is more of a stage term (I think) , I think it applies here. The story doesn't quite fit to reality, but I'm hoping the quality of the writing makes up for it. Plus, everybody in the story is a little weird in their own way. I think it's a reflection of the writer:)
7/22/2003 c1 3Kitana Snowflower
I cannot believe this. This is incredible...and breathakingly exhilarating. (Hope you can understand that!) 'The Watcher' was a beautiful story. If I were to say this formally, then I'd say that I was caught onto every word. I can sort of see how you edited it a million times. And this has a right to be in the thriller section. I liked the Mafi(y)a part, too-I mean, I just read a book with him in it! But I do think the Mafi(y)a part is a bit far-fetched...but that just makes it all the more exciting.
I suppose that this is told in the present, since at the end, I quote, "I closed them and waited..." so he must have been alive when he thought it. Oh well, I'm probably not making much sense here. So I'll just go. If you have time, go check out some of my work as well, but just to warn you, they're all romances and not supergood. Just average and I sometimes overexaggerate stuff and repeat them too much.
Anyway, I think this review is long enough. Or do I have to make it longer? (You KNOW I'm kidding...right?) LOLZ
~~The Angel Called Kitana~~
3Kitana SnowflowerI cannot believe this. This is incredible...and breathakingly exhilarating. (Hope you can understand that!) 'The Watcher' was a beautiful story. If I were to say this formally, then I'd say that I was caught onto every word. I can sort of see how you edited it a million times. And this has a right to be in the thriller section. I liked the Mafi(y)a part, too-I mean, I just read a book with him in it! But I do think the Mafi(y)a part is a bit far-fetched...but that just makes it all the more exciting.
I suppose that this is told in the present, since at the end, I quote, "I closed them and waited..." so he must have been alive when he thought it. Oh well, I'm probably not making much sense here. So I'll just go. If you have time, go check out some of my work as well, but just to warn you, they're all romances and not supergood. Just average and I sometimes overexaggerate stuff and repeat them too much.
Anyway, I think this review is long enough. Or do I have to make it longer? (You KNOW I'm kidding...right?) LOLZ
~~The Angel Called Kitana~~
7/11/2003 c1 JazzeeT
umm. superb writing skills here. u aced the descriptions and his feelings. i love your writing. and i must comment on you profile, u dont see a lot of eloquent profiles like yours.
umm. superb writing skills here. u aced the descriptions and his feelings. i love your writing. and i must comment on you profile, u dont see a lot of eloquent profiles like yours.