for Vampire Lover7/2/2006 c22 
2Aleah Rayne
I loved your story! It was at a most interesting part, too!
Well...I found a few mistakes in the last two chapters. Sorry not the point out the others because I was just too lazy and engaged in the story. XD
Chapter 17
“I [is this suppose to be “It” instead of “I”?] was the same dark cherry wood table, with leaf green leather chairs.”
“That was not the was [not the ‘words’?] I was planning on phrasing the question.”
“The [light?] from a soft candle glowing above shown the handsome features on his face…”
Chapter 18
“ "Dante..." I gave his side a gentle poke.
"Hm?"
"Wake up!"
"Why?" I asked groggily, and I felt him begin to play with the ends of my hair. ”
Okay…this part is just weird. Who’s saying “Why?” Bliss or Dante, because it doesn’t make sense if it’s Bliss.
“If that was the case, the doctors could see if they could fix the medicine, and
make it permanent [permanent is spelled wrong].”
Oh...and if you're still taking suggestions...Bliss seems to be becoming happier...just like you...in a way. You can write on your happier emotions...XD?
Also, if you have time, please come by and read the novel I'm starting on (it's only 1 chapter long and I need more reviews). [Orange Sky]I also have a nice short story [The Capture] that's suspenseful/mysterious XD
Hope you can update soon!
Much love,Bella Rose
2Aleah RayneI loved your story! It was at a most interesting part, too!
Well...I found a few mistakes in the last two chapters. Sorry not the point out the others because I was just too lazy and engaged in the story. XD
Chapter 17
“I [is this suppose to be “It” instead of “I”?] was the same dark cherry wood table, with leaf green leather chairs.”
“That was not the was [not the ‘words’?] I was planning on phrasing the question.”
“The [light?] from a soft candle glowing above shown the handsome features on his face…”
Chapter 18
“ "Dante..." I gave his side a gentle poke.
"Hm?"
"Wake up!"
"Why?" I asked groggily, and I felt him begin to play with the ends of my hair. ”
Okay…this part is just weird. Who’s saying “Why?” Bliss or Dante, because it doesn’t make sense if it’s Bliss.
“If that was the case, the doctors could see if they could fix the medicine, and
make it permanent [permanent is spelled wrong].”
Oh...and if you're still taking suggestions...Bliss seems to be becoming happier...just like you...in a way. You can write on your happier emotions...XD?
Also, if you have time, please come by and read the novel I'm starting on (it's only 1 chapter long and I need more reviews). [Orange Sky]I also have a nice short story [The Capture] that's suspenseful/mysterious XD
Hope you can update soon!
Much love,Bella Rose
6/24/2006 c22 smiles
ok, i know you're wondering, "why the heck is someone reviewing this story, its 2 effin years old", correct? m i'm sorry...
well i read this 2 years ago, when you were still updating i just... decided i wanted to read it again, even though i knew that i would never know the ending
i just wanted to tell you, even though you wrote this because of what was happening to you at the time, you have a marvelous talent. and i read your other story... the theif one, i can't remember the name...
m i guess i read this again because i can never seem to get this story out of my head. this story was the *whole reason* i started writing, and i discovered that i *could* write, though not as well as you
uhm theres so much more i'd like to tell you, but thank you for writing this story. my mom mentally abused me for a while, and i wrote my story off that, just like you did with this one
sorry for wasting your time with my rambling... oh! and i absolutely LOVE your name
good luck in college and with your writing
love,
the only person to review a 2-year-old story
ok, i know you're wondering, "why the heck is someone reviewing this story, its 2 effin years old", correct? m i'm sorry...
well i read this 2 years ago, when you were still updating i just... decided i wanted to read it again, even though i knew that i would never know the ending
i just wanted to tell you, even though you wrote this because of what was happening to you at the time, you have a marvelous talent. and i read your other story... the theif one, i can't remember the name...
m i guess i read this again because i can never seem to get this story out of my head. this story was the *whole reason* i started writing, and i discovered that i *could* write, though not as well as you
uhm theres so much more i'd like to tell you, but thank you for writing this story. my mom mentally abused me for a while, and i wrote my story off that, just like you did with this one
sorry for wasting your time with my rambling... oh! and i absolutely LOVE your name
good luck in college and with your writing
love,
the only person to review a 2-year-old story
6/12/2006 c22 5R. Hanks
Oh i likie! write more! Scott was mean! and poor ickle iris! i want Iris ='[ NOW! *pouts* Well thx lvya lv Rachi x X x
5R. HanksOh i likie! write more! Scott was mean! and poor ickle iris! i want Iris ='[ NOW! *pouts* Well thx lvya lv Rachi x X x
5/31/2006 c22 9Kiea Evergreen
I really like this story. It was dark and very sad at they begining, then it seemed to get a little bit more happy. Not so dark and depressing. I think I like the ending chapters better than the begining ones. If you get my drift. I'm also very happy for you that you broke up with that boyfriend that was really mean to you. If you need any ideas, you can always write to me. I'll try to give you some ideas to help you move along. I always seem to be good at that. I think you said that you were in a new relationship with someone else. Well, use all of those feelings to help you. Like, have it the way you have it now, just add some of those feeglings to it. If you get my drift. It seems to me that the vampire has changed, but maybe Bliss should slowly start to trust him, but not completely. She studies her magic, but the problem right now is that she can't see. So solve that, then maybe go on to her learning magic. Doing whatever she pleases, then she slowly relizes that she really likes the vampire. Or something like that. Or, here's another idea, that something happens were the vampire has to save her from something. Like another vampire or werewolf or whatever. Whatever you want. I hope I helped you out and I hope you up date soon. You are really a great writer! Keep up the awsome work and good luck at college. Sorry about that stupid fine. Deep down, we reviewers know you didn't do it. Keep up the great work! :)
9Kiea EvergreenI really like this story. It was dark and very sad at they begining, then it seemed to get a little bit more happy. Not so dark and depressing. I think I like the ending chapters better than the begining ones. If you get my drift. I'm also very happy for you that you broke up with that boyfriend that was really mean to you. If you need any ideas, you can always write to me. I'll try to give you some ideas to help you move along. I always seem to be good at that. I think you said that you were in a new relationship with someone else. Well, use all of those feelings to help you. Like, have it the way you have it now, just add some of those feeglings to it. If you get my drift. It seems to me that the vampire has changed, but maybe Bliss should slowly start to trust him, but not completely. She studies her magic, but the problem right now is that she can't see. So solve that, then maybe go on to her learning magic. Doing whatever she pleases, then she slowly relizes that she really likes the vampire. Or something like that. Or, here's another idea, that something happens were the vampire has to save her from something. Like another vampire or werewolf or whatever. Whatever you want. I hope I helped you out and I hope you up date soon. You are really a great writer! Keep up the awsome work and good luck at college. Sorry about that stupid fine. Deep down, we reviewers know you didn't do it. Keep up the great work! :)
5/22/2006 c22 2akaCHEEKS
aaw are you serious! he was abusing you! wow... that must be soo harsh.. and him to act nice then mean again must be confusing too... so i suggest why don't you end this story with a non so happily ever after... like maybe somewhere in the middle bliss or abbie gets her eyesight back... and dante falls in love for her... and talk about the stuff you do with your new nicer boyfriend now.. you know all the sweet stuff.. but make it fit to the story... then maybe 2 chapters before the chapter ends something really bad happens... iono.. can't think of anything.. but make dante realize that this isn't for him... and wellz he'll bring abbie back in her time... then iono something he has to give up happens.. and he breaks the connection between them... and he dies... blah blah blah and wellz in the end.. she's already done with college and is in a good career.. and all of a sudden she thinks back to the past and how it resembles a dream so badly... get me? but then you have to make an excuse as to why she's been missing for a while.. and since she's been cleaning up the house.. then maybe it's because she's been cleaning up the house.. and her friend that died... maybe you can just make it look like he moved to another country to never return i guess... something.. car accident... yeah... and the coffiin.. you gotta get rid of that too! i know it's not a lot of help but at least i'm giving you starters on how to end the story right? so then in the very very end the house does end up being a musuem... get me? pretty much.. try and think up of the things in between...
2akaCHEEKSaaw are you serious! he was abusing you! wow... that must be soo harsh.. and him to act nice then mean again must be confusing too... so i suggest why don't you end this story with a non so happily ever after... like maybe somewhere in the middle bliss or abbie gets her eyesight back... and dante falls in love for her... and talk about the stuff you do with your new nicer boyfriend now.. you know all the sweet stuff.. but make it fit to the story... then maybe 2 chapters before the chapter ends something really bad happens... iono.. can't think of anything.. but make dante realize that this isn't for him... and wellz he'll bring abbie back in her time... then iono something he has to give up happens.. and he breaks the connection between them... and he dies... blah blah blah and wellz in the end.. she's already done with college and is in a good career.. and all of a sudden she thinks back to the past and how it resembles a dream so badly... get me? but then you have to make an excuse as to why she's been missing for a while.. and since she's been cleaning up the house.. then maybe it's because she's been cleaning up the house.. and her friend that died... maybe you can just make it look like he moved to another country to never return i guess... something.. car accident... yeah... and the coffiin.. you gotta get rid of that too! i know it's not a lot of help but at least i'm giving you starters on how to end the story right? so then in the very very end the house does end up being a musuem... get me? pretty much.. try and think up of the things in between...
3/6/2006 c19 123Velvet Reverie
I have read this at least 4 times before now, to be honest, and it is simply a wonderful story. I love it! Nice work.
123Velvet ReverieI have read this at least 4 times before now, to be honest, and it is simply a wonderful story. I love it! Nice work.
2/3/2006 c22 Alenor
i really hope you continue this and finish it but i guess it's up to you. it is a good story, cya later.
i really hope you continue this and finish it but i guess it's up to you. it is a good story, cya later.
1/20/2006 c4 Jasmine
I really love this story and I finished reading it a few months ago. Why have you not written in so long, because I really wish you would and try to finish the story. I think it's great and can't wait!
I really love this story and I finished reading it a few months ago. Why have you not written in so long, because I really wish you would and try to finish the story. I think it's great and can't wait!
1/17/2006 c22 MoriMorte
please update.
and i know about being abused i'm being abused by my mom and i can't tell anyone my immediat family know but they can't and wont do anything and my boyfriend and his family are the only ones helping me besides that i've through other stuff.
and i've lost friends to suicide and i've seen them get shot down right before my eyes and many things like that my point is i know how you felt and whatever happens you can't give up but form personal experience there are so many times u want to give up and call it quitsand if something ever happens bad to you again don't call it quits.
here's a quote that helps me alot "When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly"- Patrick Overton
also i don't know if your trying or have tried to push out bad memories but don't push them out or you'll never move on "keep the bad memories it will strngthen you and you will find use for them , keep the good memories so that you can bear the bitter ones and move on"
i'm really really really sorry if i sound like a stupid shrink (i hate shrinks) i'm just saying something happens again never give up no matter how cheesy that sounds and don't push out the bad memories or they will forever torment you all you have to do is in your own way accept them and move on. and i think you could from the way you write i can tell even if you might not believe it but your mentally strong.and never forget what you have up here *taps head* thoughts and feelings from thoughs thoughts have more power than you know what you think makes you act how you act by the way you do things or say effects people and sets things into motion i may be fourteen but i know this
i wish u luck on your writing
and all these things i told you i'm not lieing about and in my stories you will find my past woved in and in my poems i show the truth
please update.
and i know about being abused i'm being abused by my mom and i can't tell anyone my immediat family know but they can't and wont do anything and my boyfriend and his family are the only ones helping me besides that i've through other stuff.
and i've lost friends to suicide and i've seen them get shot down right before my eyes and many things like that my point is i know how you felt and whatever happens you can't give up but form personal experience there are so many times u want to give up and call it quitsand if something ever happens bad to you again don't call it quits.
here's a quote that helps me alot "When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly"- Patrick Overton
also i don't know if your trying or have tried to push out bad memories but don't push them out or you'll never move on "keep the bad memories it will strngthen you and you will find use for them , keep the good memories so that you can bear the bitter ones and move on"
i'm really really really sorry if i sound like a stupid shrink (i hate shrinks) i'm just saying something happens again never give up no matter how cheesy that sounds and don't push out the bad memories or they will forever torment you all you have to do is in your own way accept them and move on. and i think you could from the way you write i can tell even if you might not believe it but your mentally strong.and never forget what you have up here *taps head* thoughts and feelings from thoughs thoughts have more power than you know what you think makes you act how you act by the way you do things or say effects people and sets things into motion i may be fourteen but i know this
i wish u luck on your writing
and all these things i told you i'm not lieing about and in my stories you will find my past woved in and in my poems i show the truth
1/10/2006 c22 PixieJones
I personally thought that a good ending to a sad story that you want to keep sad is death of the main character. it always leaved the reader heart broken but still liking the story, the setting stays the same, but you cant do much after death so the reader always feels... happier about the ending, theres nothing left to tell, nothing they missed. just a suggestion, and if you wanna cliche it make it all bliss's fault that dante dies, and so she dies, and just at the end she feels remorse for him. just thoughs, kinda corny, but if you want theyre up for grabs. sorry for all the typos.
I personally thought that a good ending to a sad story that you want to keep sad is death of the main character. it always leaved the reader heart broken but still liking the story, the setting stays the same, but you cant do much after death so the reader always feels... happier about the ending, theres nothing left to tell, nothing they missed. just a suggestion, and if you wanna cliche it make it all bliss's fault that dante dies, and so she dies, and just at the end she feels remorse for him. just thoughs, kinda corny, but if you want theyre up for grabs. sorry for all the typos.
12/21/2005 c6 5Green-Eyed-Goddess
I really like your story so far . . . the only thing wrong with it is that it seems to move a little too fast-she fell in love with jonathan and then he died, in a total of about two chapters! But even with that, I think its a great story, and I'm off to read the rest!
5Green-Eyed-GoddessI really like your story so far . . . the only thing wrong with it is that it seems to move a little too fast-she fell in love with jonathan and then he died, in a total of about two chapters! But even with that, I think its a great story, and I'm off to read the rest!