for Then and Now4/11/2016 c11 Proofreader1962
I've noticed a tendency to leave apostrophes out of your possessive nouns and pronouns. Also word choices are occasionally wrong-usually in the case of having a homophone such as: two, too and to
I've noticed a tendency to leave apostrophes out of your possessive nouns and pronouns. Also word choices are occasionally wrong-usually in the case of having a homophone such as: two, too and to
12/8/2014 c1 aynaarah
I read this story .. and for me.. it could have been more.. but all the letters in the beginning left a mystery..unsolved.. and no small numbers of question marks..
..and I could have jumped to so many conclusion regarding who Faun is and what he is.. but none of it prepared me to see a healthy strong character that demystifies all I would had initially assumed..
and then with Lin and his legacy.. nice going to the land of dreams and bringing back history and an atmosphere that would have eluded you otherwise - especially if I am thinking about Lin's closet ..like the costumes? there was no need for that, it made things fake..
Lin has a way of answering that spices things up.. very funny sometimes.. and it makes it a little bit surreal .. old time like.. and Taz too.. but then the ancestral/dignified/dreamy/sarcastic touch washes down to one of a common twenty century gay party..
And good thing you kept the readers innocents.. not even much love/sex scenes.. but at the end you give them a sweet xeno scene..
I am probably overstepping my review rights but.. why didn't you kept tings under control by simplifying them? ..you had humans and elves and well the half breeds.. maybe the witch.. maybe.. why go for an entire zoo? ..then be decisive and choose if you want to write a gangster story, to explore a high elven culture, youngster's clubbing and shopping adventures or report an abuse story.. ..but your elf had to turn vampire/catlike.. ..and your tough, hard trained, smart old elf had to turn submissive and abused and tormented by nightmares and more clueless and beaten then the street child and a rained rat.. and so on.. and Faun has more of a elf name then.. well then Lin maybe..
I don't know, but I'm learning a lot from your story... it was an interesting exercise... thank you
I read this story .. and for me.. it could have been more.. but all the letters in the beginning left a mystery..unsolved.. and no small numbers of question marks..
..and I could have jumped to so many conclusion regarding who Faun is and what he is.. but none of it prepared me to see a healthy strong character that demystifies all I would had initially assumed..
and then with Lin and his legacy.. nice going to the land of dreams and bringing back history and an atmosphere that would have eluded you otherwise - especially if I am thinking about Lin's closet ..like the costumes? there was no need for that, it made things fake..
Lin has a way of answering that spices things up.. very funny sometimes.. and it makes it a little bit surreal .. old time like.. and Taz too.. but then the ancestral/dignified/dreamy/sarcastic touch washes down to one of a common twenty century gay party..
And good thing you kept the readers innocents.. not even much love/sex scenes.. but at the end you give them a sweet xeno scene..
I am probably overstepping my review rights but.. why didn't you kept tings under control by simplifying them? ..you had humans and elves and well the half breeds.. maybe the witch.. maybe.. why go for an entire zoo? ..then be decisive and choose if you want to write a gangster story, to explore a high elven culture, youngster's clubbing and shopping adventures or report an abuse story.. ..but your elf had to turn vampire/catlike.. ..and your tough, hard trained, smart old elf had to turn submissive and abused and tormented by nightmares and more clueless and beaten then the street child and a rained rat.. and so on.. and Faun has more of a elf name then.. well then Lin maybe..
I don't know, but I'm learning a lot from your story... it was an interesting exercise... thank you
5/10/2013 c16 Guest
: )
: )
4/12/2013 c16 K
This was a great story! Very well written and engaging. I admit the squick was sort of necessary, but it *was* kind of squicky.
This was a great story! Very well written and engaging. I admit the squick was sort of necessary, but it *was* kind of squicky.
12/21/2012 c3 Guest
Holy shit! You know the just so stories?!
I actually had a hissy with my 300lvl British Lit prof because she'd never heard of them and only knew Kipling from his racist poetry, not the adorable children's' short stories. Thus, she took it as truth rather than sarcasm... and wouldn't believe me that such stories even existed for the longest.
I'm sooooo glad someone else knows 'the cat that walked by himself'! And from the butterfly reference in the collar-hunt, I'm guessing passing interest in 'the butterfly who stomped' as well? Hehehe...
Sooooo wonderful!
Holy shit! You know the just so stories?!
I actually had a hissy with my 300lvl British Lit prof because she'd never heard of them and only knew Kipling from his racist poetry, not the adorable children's' short stories. Thus, she took it as truth rather than sarcasm... and wouldn't believe me that such stories even existed for the longest.
I'm sooooo glad someone else knows 'the cat that walked by himself'! And from the butterfly reference in the collar-hunt, I'm guessing passing interest in 'the butterfly who stomped' as well? Hehehe...
Sooooo wonderful!
8/8/2012 c16 Guest
Thoroughly enjoyed the use of truism, through out this story. Mixed with the right amount of optimism gives an awareness of a constant reality. Emotive writing is easy to do, but hard to convey consistently without losing the plot. Sorry bad pun. Read this after the 'Z' series and it just flowed. Thank you. Hx
Thoroughly enjoyed the use of truism, through out this story. Mixed with the right amount of optimism gives an awareness of a constant reality. Emotive writing is easy to do, but hard to convey consistently without losing the plot. Sorry bad pun. Read this after the 'Z' series and it just flowed. Thank you. Hx
7/7/2012 c11 Guest
Hey, are you by any chance have a coffe addiction? Because Lin and Faun do))
Hey, are you by any chance have a coffe addiction? Because Lin and Faun do))
5/14/2012 c16 
2NormaJean Beausoleil
great story. it's interesting that you used passive voice for the final action sequence. i love the characters. thanks for sharing!
2NormaJean Beausoleilgreat story. it's interesting that you used passive voice for the final action sequence. i love the characters. thanks for sharing!
10/8/2010 c4 14PrincessJulius
Man! That is something i would totally do. RUN! lol. they're so cute. Yay for fluffiness!
14PrincessJuliusMan! That is something i would totally do. RUN! lol. they're so cute. Yay for fluffiness!
10/8/2010 c3 PrincessJulius
nifty. The thing with his hair is cute. And the entire shopping thing was really good. To fit so many events and stuff and time into small paragraphs without dragging it on is hard to do, you're great at it!
nifty. The thing with his hair is cute. And the entire shopping thing was really good. To fit so many events and stuff and time into small paragraphs without dragging it on is hard to do, you're great at it!
10/8/2010 c1 PrincessJulius
jezzo! that was a long chapter! but, It. Was. AMAZING!
the entire storyline and the way you capture the characters attitudes and behavior and stuff! i like your writing style to. Easy to follow. ^_^
i cannot wait to read more.
jezzo! that was a long chapter! but, It. Was. AMAZING!
the entire storyline and the way you capture the characters attitudes and behavior and stuff! i like your writing style to. Easy to follow. ^_^
i cannot wait to read more.