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for Let me be me, Let me be free

7/3/2003 c1 QM greenbug67
Neat story. :) Quite an interesting idea.
6/16/2003 c1 Kat
Hey, interesting concept, I like it. It's different, it could go places. :) There are a couple of thnigs I noticed though, that I'll mention.

First of all, you use "says" a lot, as in "I says to her". Makes you sound like you're from New York or something. ;) If you're doing present tense, it's just "I say to her". :)

"Dangling parrot earrings dangle from her ears." You only need to mention dangling once, twice is overkill. ;)

Also, when you switch from one person to another, like you did from Kristina to Calla, it's just not good to do that when you use first person. It's a little confusing. :)

Other than that though, it's good. :D

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