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10/19/2004 c1 178FigureItOut
i thought it was a smashing poem, and i like the stream of consciousness style, you have it very under control, and it seems like you
2/23/2004 c1 2hhazzeelll
What I appreciate most about this piece is the variation in rhythm - the way you string words together, then space them out, is brilliant. The sense desperation from the stream-of-consciousness is something I can identify with, I think. Love that too.
10/17/2003 c1 7Friday Evening
Like the others, I'd have to say "wow"; I'm really impressed. You caught the essence of what it feels like to hold a secret that one wants to say, but at the same time can't. In lines 6-11 the imagery was just amazing. Overall, it didn't seem that rough. It's just really interesting how it all really ties in together; the form is different, but interesting.
10/3/2003 c1 73Lli
Wow.

Personally, I really like the stream of conciousness style you had here, it's quite refreshing; especially the way you left out spaces. Wonderful work!
8/1/2003 c1 32Morbane
"If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no fire ever can warm me I know that is poetry. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off I know that is poetry." - Emily Dickenson (you probably know that already).

And I'd apply those words to this even though I agree with you - I can see rough spots. I don't see the need for the second "of course" by itself on a line; rhyme seems just slightly more intrusive than necessary in the poem; "it's all a projection". Small things. I'm sure you see different ones when you mention editing.

I LOVE the pace changes. It makes reading this aloud to myself a real pleasure. The way you gather up and sing the mood (sorry, when words go a bit awkward on me I fall back on cliché

metaphor). I love the way that in the second line, you speak extremely directly and in a style similar to ordinary prose - but make it more poetic even for that. The rhythm of the first stanza is beautiful.

"because you are always too near,

all of you,

for someone so farfaraway."

-Oh, clever. Oh, lovely.

And, I love the metaphor of speaking past the 'barred window' in your mouth - and I revere the final image.

I just hope I'm not sounding gushy, or insincere - what you write is just too brilliant.
7/2/2003 c1 25pleasecometrue
Love it! Great write.
6/24/2003 c1 1aceinit
You never fail to impress me, wow me and almost get me in trouble by knocking me out of my seat at work. This is, by far, your best work to date. The choice of words and the pattern of the flow make for one amazing read. Keep posting, and I promise I'll keep reading.
6/24/2003 c1 Paradoxical Goddess
Ah, I really like this one. It hurts the way it's supposed to hurt, and the "to: mybrother, myfather, mymother" part is just amazing.
6/20/2003 c1 84Jennifer Jolie
Amazing poem. ^^ I love the way you play with paragraphing and words and punctuation. *adds to her favourites list*
6/20/2003 c1 4Chord
"I thought at first that I could think of two kinds of secret" - could be a typo. Wouldn't "secret" be in its plural form when speaking of two?

That aside, this poem is. Moving. That word seems to be the most appropriate word, ironically enough seeing as how your words have me practically glued to the seat of my chair, unable to do nothing more than. Stare. Read again and again and again. And it's more than the beauty of the lines you've written, but more in how one can understand the significance in the confusion, and connect with it as a whole. Or even partly.

I especially appreciate the style of run-on sentences that give off the impression of hasty, impulsive actions, and the need for a response, reassurance that regardless of it all ( specifically secret-telling ), everything's going to be okay. Which it might not, but that's beside the point.

Okay. Review = far too long. I love your poems, this one especially. =)

~chord
6/20/2003 c1 flamegrrl
Sorry for the unsigned review! But fictionpress has this funny rule about not reviewing the same chap twice! Well they shouldn't have chopped the last bit off my review. Anyway, the bit that's missing read... You are (in my humble opinion even
6/19/2003 c1 5Scars of Fantasy
interesting. secrets are annoying little things, aren't they? sure made a great writing topic though-nice job!
6/19/2003 c1 15Dark-BlueDeep
I caught my breath, really I did. I don't think it matters that the subject (or secret) is not obvious. In fact I truly believe it adds to this. I and I hope others will be able to see the essence of what you're saying by relating to it, and for me anyway, being able to link it to something I could understand once. I nearly cried when I read this. So undeniably powerful and touching. Whoa (huge breath) You are (in my humble opinion even

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