for Gray Skinned3/20/2011 c1 
7hanna-banana14
I personally thought this was very well written. It had a few errors but the rest was good. I am wondering, is this kind of an autobiography sort of thing?
Other than the few errors (ugly was used a lilttle too many times, maybe find another adjective) it was very good. :)
7hanna-banana14I personally thought this was very well written. It had a few errors but the rest was good. I am wondering, is this kind of an autobiography sort of thing?
Other than the few errors (ugly was used a lilttle too many times, maybe find another adjective) it was very good. :)
5/9/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
This was so touching and powerful. The only things I would change have already been pointed out in the reviews you've received, and that's just a few typos here and there. Wasn't sure if it was biographical or not... :/
~ Sakina x
9Sakina the Fallen AngelThis was so touching and powerful. The only things I would change have already been pointed out in the reviews you've received, and that's just a few typos here and there. Wasn't sure if it was biographical or not... :/
~ Sakina x
1/10/2009 c1 31Catherine Abellanosa
great!
you wrote this when you were 13?
i envy you!
you really didn't have any problems with your grammar ever since you were young, huh?
i'd want to be like that. even now, i'm still struggling with my own grammar.
good job!
i really liked it!
:)
31Catherine Abellanosagreat!
you wrote this when you were 13?
i envy you!
you really didn't have any problems with your grammar ever since you were young, huh?
i'd want to be like that. even now, i'm still struggling with my own grammar.
good job!
i really liked it!
:)
12/1/2008 c1 23fatbird33
this is terribly sad, and once again you made the narrator very personable and the reader really cares about her. nice last line.
23fatbird33this is terribly sad, and once again you made the narrator very personable and the reader really cares about her. nice last line.
10/24/2007 c1 25faery tragedy
Very chilling and impressive. The one-line syntax works really well in your favor, and helps get the point across! Your anonymous narrator is easy to relate with...which is a bit chilling in itself. I've never struggled with weight problems personally, but her hopelessness-especially entering middle school-is such a widespread theme. It really hit home. I think you have a typo "I.I don't know" there but that's all I could nitpick. *faery tragedy
25faery tragedyVery chilling and impressive. The one-line syntax works really well in your favor, and helps get the point across! Your anonymous narrator is easy to relate with...which is a bit chilling in itself. I've never struggled with weight problems personally, but her hopelessness-especially entering middle school-is such a widespread theme. It really hit home. I think you have a typo "I.I don't know" there but that's all I could nitpick. *faery tragedy
1/29/2006 c1 8squiggle-line
"Kids don't try what I did at home." The amount of sarcasm in that one line is amazing and concludes the whole story very well.
"My mother.the mother I.my mother..." Extra words?
The airy but defiant tone works incredibly well. I like how you start in the present, give an explanation of the past, and then return to the present. It is amazing how you can convey so much emotion in one short sentence.
...Hope J.B.'s sister is doing better.
8squiggle-line"Kids don't try what I did at home." The amount of sarcasm in that one line is amazing and concludes the whole story very well.
"My mother.the mother I.my mother..." Extra words?
The airy but defiant tone works incredibly well. I like how you start in the present, give an explanation of the past, and then return to the present. It is amazing how you can convey so much emotion in one short sentence.
...Hope J.B.'s sister is doing better.
10/7/2005 c1 A Collection Of Essays
That was so...sad and heartwrenching and beautiful and believeable and...okay Grem, deep breaths...No, but really, I love how you wrote it. The style is terrifyingly perfect and I always wished I could get this style down but I've never been able to. So, yeah, great little one-shot.-Grem-
That was so...sad and heartwrenching and beautiful and believeable and...okay Grem, deep breaths...No, but really, I love how you wrote it. The style is terrifyingly perfect and I always wished I could get this style down but I've never been able to. So, yeah, great little one-shot.-Grem-
10/4/2005 c1 80citrus scented
oh this is a very thoughtprovoking story. really sad, i like the way its written- in the present lookibg back,. bit depressing, but very moving. i love the title- it fits it well, wonderful.
80citrus scentedoh this is a very thoughtprovoking story. really sad, i like the way its written- in the present lookibg back,. bit depressing, but very moving. i love the title- it fits it well, wonderful.
6/26/2005 c1 1insertterriblypoeticlinehere
A chilling story, and it progresses well for how short it is. I like how she describes the beginning as a 'diet,' when she starts to cut out meals, how it never seems like it'll end up how it did. It shows definate empathy for the character. Good work, and thanks for the review. =)
1insertterriblypoeticlinehereA chilling story, and it progresses well for how short it is. I like how she describes the beginning as a 'diet,' when she starts to cut out meals, how it never seems like it'll end up how it did. It shows definate empathy for the character. Good work, and thanks for the review. =)
3/19/2004 c1 2shameshame
Um... Sixty isn't possible. I know because I had anorexia in eighth grade... I still have weight problems, but they're minimal. They threatened to hospitalize me at eighty. I'd have been dead before seventy, and I was short. But still, good story. Being that way is so scary, because you can't eat 'cuz you'll get 'fat', but you know if you don't you're going to die...
2shameshameUm... Sixty isn't possible. I know because I had anorexia in eighth grade... I still have weight problems, but they're minimal. They threatened to hospitalize me at eighty. I'd have been dead before seventy, and I was short. But still, good story. Being that way is so scary, because you can't eat 'cuz you'll get 'fat', but you know if you don't you're going to die...
7/19/2003 c1 E
That was a very good story, and I hope J.B.'s sister gets better.
That was a very good story, and I hope J.B.'s sister gets better.
7/14/2003 c1 5Lavender Knight
How could you possibly only have gotten one review for this?
It's too excellent...it's short and gets to the point, but it still leaves you feeling like you had been reading for a long while.
It was truly tragical, but I am sure millions of girls worldwide go through that phase where they "munch-a-bunch-lose-your-lunch" routine or just skip meals. This was so real and a great warning for readers out there, but one thing is your summary, try using a sentence from the story, a really good one that will draw a browser in by curiosity, this is really worth so many peoples time. I loved it in fact I'm going to put it on favourites just so people will see it!
Cheers!
5Lavender KnightHow could you possibly only have gotten one review for this?
It's too excellent...it's short and gets to the point, but it still leaves you feeling like you had been reading for a long while.
It was truly tragical, but I am sure millions of girls worldwide go through that phase where they "munch-a-bunch-lose-your-lunch" routine or just skip meals. This was so real and a great warning for readers out there, but one thing is your summary, try using a sentence from the story, a really good one that will draw a browser in by curiosity, this is really worth so many peoples time. I loved it in fact I'm going to put it on favourites just so people will see it!
Cheers!