for The Scrolls of Tar Dashan6/29/2003 c5 
1k+Faithless Juliet
That was quick, Kitana is a very intresting character I look forward to learning more about her. Keep going, I want to know what happens next.
1k+Faithless JulietThat was quick, Kitana is a very intresting character I look forward to learning more about her. Keep going, I want to know what happens next.
6/29/2003 c4 Faithless Juliet
Intresting, but you just now introduce Stasha as from what I read was being a good freind of Ibian, it might help the reader to better understand his character to have mentioned that relationship in the first beggining chapters. It would only help to add to his personality. Also you might want to put in some more detail to chop up all of that dialoge, you know what the city looks like. (Remember these are just sugjestions-you don't have to listen to me.) Very nice story so far, I look forward to reading what happens next.
Intresting, but you just now introduce Stasha as from what I read was being a good freind of Ibian, it might help the reader to better understand his character to have mentioned that relationship in the first beggining chapters. It would only help to add to his personality. Also you might want to put in some more detail to chop up all of that dialoge, you know what the city looks like. (Remember these are just sugjestions-you don't have to listen to me.) Very nice story so far, I look forward to reading what happens next.
6/29/2003 c3 Faithless Juliet
Intresting developments; however I had a problem, you only have one paragraph to introduce Seth, and it seems really rushed, and you never said in the beggining that he had a ruby around his neck. I think it would be better to introduce Seth with some more detail about him, what he looks lik, the ruby, and the back story with how is grandmother willed it to him, or something like that (you don't have to listen to me, these are just sugjestions) you introduce a really intresting character in Seth and you only give him a paragraph before he goes to the planet. Good job though, keep up the good work.
Intresting developments; however I had a problem, you only have one paragraph to introduce Seth, and it seems really rushed, and you never said in the beggining that he had a ruby around his neck. I think it would be better to introduce Seth with some more detail about him, what he looks lik, the ruby, and the back story with how is grandmother willed it to him, or something like that (you don't have to listen to me, these are just sugjestions) you introduce a really intresting character in Seth and you only give him a paragraph before he goes to the planet. Good job though, keep up the good work.
6/28/2003 c2 Faithless Juliet
Nice addition, I was somewhat confused as to what happened at the end when the world fell on the man. Otherwise though your story is well very well writen, keep going, I look forward to reading more.
Nice addition, I was somewhat confused as to what happened at the end when the world fell on the man. Otherwise though your story is well very well writen, keep going, I look forward to reading more.
6/28/2003 c1 Faithless Juliet
Intresting, it was a little short, and a little rushed, but what you had hear was good. You've created a very tortured individual, I look forward to reading more.
Intresting, it was a little short, and a little rushed, but what you had hear was good. You've created a very tortured individual, I look forward to reading more.