for One Best Friend7/4/2003 c7 kelli
'yallo.
like ur story. it dominates 'simple' and 'complicated' in word word: 'simplicated'. which is nice.
perhaps you could add a little more paragraphs of things that happen in your chapters, because they are a little short.
that is basically the only flaw i found there. it's really quite hard to find any flaws in a story like yours. i basically like the originality, the way the whole story is landscaped on a visual, yet personal view.
which is also nice.
maybe another thing, you could do if you want, is cut out a little less names. perhaps it would make it easier for people to focus on the main characters, because all of the minor characters get in the way, because then you'll be busy describing the minor ones instead of the ones that matter.
but you can ignore that whole paragraph above if you want to, because i found a unique taste of writing in you story, and i really did enjoy reading it. i hope you write more, because you've started a well-done piece of work, it could only get better by you continuing it and finishing it off.
keep on rockin'! xoxo. much love from kelli.
and...and... stuff. ^-^
'yallo.
like ur story. it dominates 'simple' and 'complicated' in word word: 'simplicated'. which is nice.
perhaps you could add a little more paragraphs of things that happen in your chapters, because they are a little short.
that is basically the only flaw i found there. it's really quite hard to find any flaws in a story like yours. i basically like the originality, the way the whole story is landscaped on a visual, yet personal view.
which is also nice.
maybe another thing, you could do if you want, is cut out a little less names. perhaps it would make it easier for people to focus on the main characters, because all of the minor characters get in the way, because then you'll be busy describing the minor ones instead of the ones that matter.
but you can ignore that whole paragraph above if you want to, because i found a unique taste of writing in you story, and i really did enjoy reading it. i hope you write more, because you've started a well-done piece of work, it could only get better by you continuing it and finishing it off.
keep on rockin'! xoxo. much love from kelli.
and...and... stuff. ^-^
7/4/2003 c7 penchant
this is a very cute story! i like it! however, the chapters are kinda short, and not much happens. and i think it would be better if it wasn't written in such a passive tense, as if caitlyn was just telling the story. maybe more dialogue so there's more interaction between the characters? anyway, i hope you update soon!
this is a very cute story! i like it! however, the chapters are kinda short, and not much happens. and i think it would be better if it wasn't written in such a passive tense, as if caitlyn was just telling the story. maybe more dialogue so there's more interaction between the characters? anyway, i hope you update soon!
7/3/2003 c6 FuzyBluCaterpilr
Sarah, you absolutely cliff hanging fool! WTF? BOTH STORIES NOW? I think your punishment should be the silent treatment...ok enough of that. Sarah, you are truly the master of romance/comedy. And trust me, this "story" will work out in the end. ; ) Oh, and if I was to be put in your story, which is totally up to you, name me Robin, or something that actually fits me, not icky Noelle. Love ya lots, icky Noelle : )
Sarah, you absolutely cliff hanging fool! WTF? BOTH STORIES NOW? I think your punishment should be the silent treatment...ok enough of that. Sarah, you are truly the master of romance/comedy. And trust me, this "story" will work out in the end. ; ) Oh, and if I was to be put in your story, which is totally up to you, name me Robin, or something that actually fits me, not icky Noelle. Love ya lots, icky Noelle : )
7/3/2003 c6 Janet
UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!
How did Ryan hurt Caitlyn?
I HAVE TO KNOW!
UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!
How did Ryan hurt Caitlyn?
I HAVE TO KNOW!
7/2/2003 c2 Marie
I really like your stlye of writing. It feels like I really know Caitlyn and Ryan. The whole story and characters are very believable.
I really like your stlye of writing. It feels like I really know Caitlyn and Ryan. The whole story and characters are very believable.
7/1/2003 c6 DEFF
Cool! This was really great... and there's a bunch of stuff in here that I can relate to- so that's spiffy and stuff! :) This is one of my first original fics, I usually read stuff from the fanfiction section, but I can see that this stuff is way better written!
Do you know where you're going to go with this? I'm really bored, but I have a plot idea- please don't be offended because I am only doing this out of severe boredom and lack of any romance what-so-ever in my life!
OK... So I have this neighbor... I've known him since he was really young and all that stuff... we tell almost everything to each other- sorta like in the story... He's a bit older than me but not too much...
So- he and his two younger brothers are like my brothers... we fight and crap- but recently things have been getting sorta awkward between Mike (name changed because if he ever read this I would die) and I because we're getting to the age where all our (perverted) friends think we're having sex- don't get me started... So it's a bit awkward...
And I'm starting to realize that when I'm around him I'm really, really, truly happy- so cliche I know! like he makes me a happier person... and of course- his brothers are completely onto me and are teasing me mercilessly... but Mike doesn't know...
So I talk to an old close friend of mine (Nicole) that I'd lost touch with after switching schools... and she tells me she's had this thing for him for quite a while, over three years. So of course, I stupidly agreed to assist her to go to the prom with him even though they're from different schools (we all three go different places)
And so I went out to lunch with Mike and his brothers today and found out he knows that Nicole (name changed again) likes him... and he doesn't like her... but he used to stalk my best friend when I wasn't around...
Which brings me to tomorrow... he's invited Nicole and I over to go swimming- both of us... and both are completely oblivious to my feelings for Mike... and I've agreed to try to set the two of them up (I promised)
Add this two two younger siblings who know my secret and basically have me serving their every whim... and I'm so screwed!
So... yes... but you already most likely have a plot planned out... If you get writers block or something, feel free to use this... I'm hiding at my computer right now as Mike watches TV in the other room... and his show is almost over so I'd better go...
Great story!
Cool! This was really great... and there's a bunch of stuff in here that I can relate to- so that's spiffy and stuff! :) This is one of my first original fics, I usually read stuff from the fanfiction section, but I can see that this stuff is way better written!
Do you know where you're going to go with this? I'm really bored, but I have a plot idea- please don't be offended because I am only doing this out of severe boredom and lack of any romance what-so-ever in my life!
OK... So I have this neighbor... I've known him since he was really young and all that stuff... we tell almost everything to each other- sorta like in the story... He's a bit older than me but not too much...
So- he and his two younger brothers are like my brothers... we fight and crap- but recently things have been getting sorta awkward between Mike (name changed because if he ever read this I would die) and I because we're getting to the age where all our (perverted) friends think we're having sex- don't get me started... So it's a bit awkward...
And I'm starting to realize that when I'm around him I'm really, really, truly happy- so cliche I know! like he makes me a happier person... and of course- his brothers are completely onto me and are teasing me mercilessly... but Mike doesn't know...
So I talk to an old close friend of mine (Nicole) that I'd lost touch with after switching schools... and she tells me she's had this thing for him for quite a while, over three years. So of course, I stupidly agreed to assist her to go to the prom with him even though they're from different schools (we all three go different places)
And so I went out to lunch with Mike and his brothers today and found out he knows that Nicole (name changed again) likes him... and he doesn't like her... but he used to stalk my best friend when I wasn't around...
Which brings me to tomorrow... he's invited Nicole and I over to go swimming- both of us... and both are completely oblivious to my feelings for Mike... and I've agreed to try to set the two of them up (I promised)
Add this two two younger siblings who know my secret and basically have me serving their every whim... and I'm so screwed!
So... yes... but you already most likely have a plot planned out... If you get writers block or something, feel free to use this... I'm hiding at my computer right now as Mike watches TV in the other room... and his show is almost over so I'd better go...
Great story!
7/1/2003 c5 NIck
Whens the book comin out! :o)
GOOD JOB
Whens the book comin out! :o)
GOOD JOB
7/1/2003 c5 SwimFreak
Cool story, I like your style of writting. Update soon! (as in not only update this story but also politically correct)
Cool story, I like your style of writting. Update soon! (as in not only update this story but also politically correct)
6/30/2003 c1 Her
All I can say is wow, it flows nicely, and it sounds real.
All I can say is wow, it flows nicely, and it sounds real.
6/30/2003 c4 
4EmNight87
I still see a lot of places where you say Shane instead of Ryan. Oh and when Caitlyn is talking to the butler guy there is a name mix up there too. Besides that, this is an awesome story, and I can't wait for more.
4EmNight87I still see a lot of places where you say Shane instead of Ryan. Oh and when Caitlyn is talking to the butler guy there is a name mix up there too. Besides that, this is an awesome story, and I can't wait for more.
6/29/2003 c4 chasehappiness
heheheh you're welcome but there were a few more
first one :
I skipped up to Ryan and said, "Hi, my name is Caitlyn, and you're going to take care of me!"
Shane looked shocked. He just nodded his head yes.
and then the second (and third) :
I doubt Shane remembers it, but he was my first kiss.
It was at the end of forth grade, and everyone was just getting over the "cootie" stage, and was discovering the opposite sex.
Shane whispered to me from under the slide, "Caitlyn, come here, I wanna show you something!"
:P i can be a beta reader! haha ;P
heheheh you're welcome but there were a few more
first one :
I skipped up to Ryan and said, "Hi, my name is Caitlyn, and you're going to take care of me!"
Shane looked shocked. He just nodded his head yes.
and then the second (and third) :
I doubt Shane remembers it, but he was my first kiss.
It was at the end of forth grade, and everyone was just getting over the "cootie" stage, and was discovering the opposite sex.
Shane whispered to me from under the slide, "Caitlyn, come here, I wanna show you something!"
:P i can be a beta reader! haha ;P
6/29/2003 c3 chasehappiness
hey :D i'm read both your stores.. enjoying it so far. except I think you accidentally said "Shane" instead of "Ryan" in this paragraph
Mrs. Petulant hurriedly assigned us at our desks in pairs of two. I shut my eyes tight and said to my self "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan." I watched as she paired people off, not saying Shane's name or mine. Then she said "Ryan and Caitlyn."
hey :D i'm read both your stores.. enjoying it so far. except I think you accidentally said "Shane" instead of "Ryan" in this paragraph
Mrs. Petulant hurriedly assigned us at our desks in pairs of two. I shut my eyes tight and said to my self "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan." I watched as she paired people off, not saying Shane's name or mine. Then she said "Ryan and Caitlyn."
6/29/2003 c3 4Raymond Lamar Gilstrap
Love the summary, so I had to check this out, and I love the story too. And I will check out your other story, if you promise to check out mine called Obsession. J/K! But, please read it.
4Raymond Lamar GilstrapLove the summary, so I had to check this out, and I love the story too. And I will check out your other story, if you promise to check out mine called Obsession. J/K! But, please read it.
6/29/2003 c1 1cerulean violet
um...nice story but this part is confusing..
"I'm Caitlyn Smith, I'm nine -and I sucked in the glory of watching all the kids that I could see in the room's look on in amazement-, and my birthday is today, September 15th." I took a deep breath and felt very proud.
and...
"My name is Ryan Gecert, I'm 5, my birthday is August 9th." I could barely contain myself! Someone older than me! Wow!
um... if he's five and she's nine, how would he be older than her? just a little confuzzled?
1cerulean violetum...nice story but this part is confusing..
"I'm Caitlyn Smith, I'm nine -and I sucked in the glory of watching all the kids that I could see in the room's look on in amazement-, and my birthday is today, September 15th." I took a deep breath and felt very proud.
and...
"My name is Ryan Gecert, I'm 5, my birthday is August 9th." I could barely contain myself! Someone older than me! Wow!
um... if he's five and she's nine, how would he be older than her? just a little confuzzled?