for An Elven Star4/29/2006 c4 winter-shadows
Oh, I get it now. Elentul is Star, the others are the other Reborns. Am I right?
I like this story, keep up the good work!
Oh, I get it now. Elentul is Star, the others are the other Reborns. Am I right?
I like this story, keep up the good work!
4/29/2006 c3 winter-shadows
I'm a bit confused, is Elentul meant to be Star? Or is it one of the others, or none of them?
I'm a bit confused, is Elentul meant to be Star? Or is it one of the others, or none of them?
4/29/2006 c2 winter-shadows
Wow! This is something I have never read before! Very interesting setting, characters, and flashback type scenes. Elentul sounds like an interesting character, if not slightly snobbish, hope that gets fixed. Good work!
Wow! This is something I have never read before! Very interesting setting, characters, and flashback type scenes. Elentul sounds like an interesting character, if not slightly snobbish, hope that gets fixed. Good work!
12/28/2004 c2 
3greMlin72
ok, some corrections:
Gently, her mother tugged her dress straight knowing well she had won the fight and smied as Star silently dealt with her "fussing."
i think you mean smiled instead of smied
.. now I must give you away to help you farther...'
you farther...? don't think so. 2 errors there, you should be your and 'farther' should be father (without the 'r')
hopefulnes...? such a word? perhaps instead of saying 'the worry on the queen's face and the hopefulness on her mother's' you could say: confidence, expectation, optimsm, anticipation.. (they all work slightly better than hopefulness)
otherwise, i don't see anything else wrong with this chapter. Nice work.
3greMlin72ok, some corrections:
Gently, her mother tugged her dress straight knowing well she had won the fight and smied as Star silently dealt with her "fussing."
i think you mean smiled instead of smied
.. now I must give you away to help you farther...'
you farther...? don't think so. 2 errors there, you should be your and 'farther' should be father (without the 'r')
hopefulnes...? such a word? perhaps instead of saying 'the worry on the queen's face and the hopefulness on her mother's' you could say: confidence, expectation, optimsm, anticipation.. (they all work slightly better than hopefulness)
otherwise, i don't see anything else wrong with this chapter. Nice work.
12/28/2004 c1 greMlin72
nice start, perhaps it'sjust me but where you have "You are suppose to be blocking her" are you sure you've used 'suppose' in the right context? i don't know, it just didn't seem right.Perhpaps you emphasise on the 'suppose' then, in italics..i think it would give the line more depth.my brain is dead...i think you are right with suppose...yes, yes you are.-greMlin
nice start, perhaps it'sjust me but where you have "You are suppose to be blocking her" are you sure you've used 'suppose' in the right context? i don't know, it just didn't seem right.Perhpaps you emphasise on the 'suppose' then, in italics..i think it would give the line more depth.my brain is dead...i think you are right with suppose...yes, yes you are.-greMlin
2/27/2004 c4 6Ben Bouchie
Yeah.. I read your story again so I could remember what it was about. I haven't been to fictionpress in a while. I enjoy your story. I'll wait patiently for the next piece. I hope it comes along well. I know how devastating procrastination and writer's block can be on the progression of a story. Just wanted to let you know it's good. Nothing more than some spelling and typing errors.
6Ben BouchieYeah.. I read your story again so I could remember what it was about. I haven't been to fictionpress in a while. I enjoy your story. I'll wait patiently for the next piece. I hope it comes along well. I know how devastating procrastination and writer's block can be on the progression of a story. Just wanted to let you know it's good. Nothing more than some spelling and typing errors.
11/17/2003 c3 Akira
wow its late but i couldn't sleep with out finding what happened next .
man...i wish i could find out whats going to happen at her first training lesson.maybe we will see Lord Firin's true colors .
anyways i liked it just as much as when i read the first two pages. i dont think i can add on anythings else but i still really like it and wish there was more.
wow its late but i couldn't sleep with out finding what happened next .
man...i wish i could find out whats going to happen at her first training lesson.maybe we will see Lord Firin's true colors .
anyways i liked it just as much as when i read the first two pages. i dont think i can add on anythings else but i still really like it and wish there was more.
11/16/2003 c3 Akira
i only finished the first chapter (cause i started getting tired)but ill finish it tomorrow or the next day. first of all i like the story .I think its very creative and took a good mind to come up with .i like the way the story moves .it doesn't jump around too much or give too little information .i noticed little spelling errors here and there .i like the characters so far .i cant wait to learn more about them and see them grow as the story goes on.
all and all as i stand at the end of chapter 1 my feelings are i enjoyed it and cant wait to see what happens next.
-Akira
AKA Brian Segers
i only finished the first chapter (cause i started getting tired)but ill finish it tomorrow or the next day. first of all i like the story .I think its very creative and took a good mind to come up with .i like the way the story moves .it doesn't jump around too much or give too little information .i noticed little spelling errors here and there .i like the characters so far .i cant wait to learn more about them and see them grow as the story goes on.
all and all as i stand at the end of chapter 1 my feelings are i enjoyed it and cant wait to see what happens next.
-Akira
AKA Brian Segers
8/26/2003 c3 lostinscotland
ooh, fun! getting very intriguing, very nice! wonder what's up with firin... guess i'll find out!
ooh, fun! getting very intriguing, very nice! wonder what's up with firin... guess i'll find out!
8/18/2003 c3 67secluded existence
hey that was a good story! it was interesting and mysterious and i need more so update! oh, and if u have a chance, could u possibly read my story, the stone? anyways, thanks! good story!
67secluded existencehey that was a good story! it was interesting and mysterious and i need more so update! oh, and if u have a chance, could u possibly read my story, the stone? anyways, thanks! good story!
7/11/2003 c2 lostinscotland
whoo, fun! you should update this thing, i like it. 'tis intriguing.
and thanks for all your reviews!
whoo, fun! you should update this thing, i like it. 'tis intriguing.
and thanks for all your reviews!