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3/22/2004 c1 Earthsong12
Yes, it's really me, i'm in a bit of a hurry and don't feel like logging in. I read this story ages ago and never reviewed. I like it a lot! Hmm, I wonder who the Stranger was. ^_^
Only thing that could be changed is that the end sort of trails off unfinished, so maybe you could tie it up a little more. Other than that, it's great! It's a really neat way to see the universe.
2/15/2004 c1 Avi
Weirdly intresting.
2/14/2004 c1 21Ancamna
I like it. It's really interesting. It sort of like the way the Silmarilion starts. Are those names elfish? I like it when you figure out in the middle of the story that the bubble is the universe. But if so, I'm a little confused. Faren is the sun. Narna is the earth? and Maro the moon? Then what planets are Sari and Avrin if they're sea and air. Are they planets? But even with my questions I really liked the story, I think it's great.
10/16/2003 c1 67Herman Greek
hhmm...reads like an oral tale that was written down from memory. so much more you could say, so many places you could take it. as it is now, it seems almost like an outline. but then again, i have my own creation myth, and its long and wordy, so maybe i'm biased. :-P check it out if you want. its "A Dawn of Shadows". oh by the way, not to sound condescending, but for someone your age, these poems and short stories are amazing!
8/31/2003 c1 10Boofly
Is this it? I think it should be longer, it's good!

(It's a little confusing in some parts)

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