for All of us Within3/9/2004 c6 kamui-kun
Yehey! Finally finished one of Geoff's stories. And I'm really impressed with the ending of this one - it wasn't the oh so happy hollywood type where everyone lived happily ever after and it wasn't the usual everyone got killed types of the Japanese. It's somewhat a mixture of both - not so happy but not so sad. A nice blend of triumph of good but at a very high price. Nice nice...
Whew! My admiration for Mary had plunged considerably in this one. For me, I think that she got off pretty light, just getting slapped. But I guess for her that would be like death. Anyway, I'm still thinking if I could blame her. I mean it is a difficult world and I couldn't say that I would do anything different from what she had done if given the opportunity. One thing's for sure - I wouldn't go crawling back like that, begging to be taken back. Kinda like Judas if you asked me
And Rune... whoohoo - the Padre Salvi (If you've read Noli Me Tangere, you'll understand this one) revived. A true friend up front and a true devil from behind. I guess he's the real people we should all be wary off. Probably the hardest ones to spot and the most deadly at that.
Hm... I kinda expected something more from Dennis and Nathan in the end. Ha! Me and my crazy wishes... =)
And the monologue at the end was very beautiful and very meaningful. You've got everything that you wanted say across and I think that it was clear and very well delivered. A perfect ending to a wonderful, meaningful and symbolic story. Very well done!
And that's all for me. Sorry bout the delay on this one (I had to rewrite it because my previous one went down with my last hard disk). I'm hearing over at WOI that you're launching another story soon. I'll definitely look out for that one. See ya! =)
Yehey! Finally finished one of Geoff's stories. And I'm really impressed with the ending of this one - it wasn't the oh so happy hollywood type where everyone lived happily ever after and it wasn't the usual everyone got killed types of the Japanese. It's somewhat a mixture of both - not so happy but not so sad. A nice blend of triumph of good but at a very high price. Nice nice...
Whew! My admiration for Mary had plunged considerably in this one. For me, I think that she got off pretty light, just getting slapped. But I guess for her that would be like death. Anyway, I'm still thinking if I could blame her. I mean it is a difficult world and I couldn't say that I would do anything different from what she had done if given the opportunity. One thing's for sure - I wouldn't go crawling back like that, begging to be taken back. Kinda like Judas if you asked me
And Rune... whoohoo - the Padre Salvi (If you've read Noli Me Tangere, you'll understand this one) revived. A true friend up front and a true devil from behind. I guess he's the real people we should all be wary off. Probably the hardest ones to spot and the most deadly at that.
Hm... I kinda expected something more from Dennis and Nathan in the end. Ha! Me and my crazy wishes... =)
And the monologue at the end was very beautiful and very meaningful. You've got everything that you wanted say across and I think that it was clear and very well delivered. A perfect ending to a wonderful, meaningful and symbolic story. Very well done!
And that's all for me. Sorry bout the delay on this one (I had to rewrite it because my previous one went down with my last hard disk). I'm hearing over at WOI that you're launching another story soon. I'll definitely look out for that one. See ya! =)
2/22/2004 c5 kamui-kun
Wow! This story is deep and way out of my league. Now have I only realized the many symbolisms and hidden meanings that you have for each character. Even the song has an importance attached to it. Kinda saddens me that I'm not that good into analyzing things like these. I'm too shallow. But I still do like the story, even if I'm having a hard time deciphering the message within.
Aw... So that's the meaning with the Adia nickname. And that's the whole deal with Nathan. Wow, the loss of innocence is really something that I've never even imagined. But it saddens me taht Nathan would have to leave like that.
And Rune - where will I begin with this one. I love the fact that he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. His underhandedness makes him a great character to love and to hate. And the fact that he's more concerned with keeping his promises than keeping friendship is a wonderful trait that separates him from the other characters.
I also kinda felt for the teacher - closing the school and stuff. She really gets the raw end of the deal. Oh well, that's what you get when you try to teach sense in a post apocalyptic world.
And the last part was intense. Rune and Adrian... whew I'm out of words. All that I can say is that it just overwhelmed me.
One more chapter to go. Try to review it ASAP. See ya soon!
Wow! This story is deep and way out of my league. Now have I only realized the many symbolisms and hidden meanings that you have for each character. Even the song has an importance attached to it. Kinda saddens me that I'm not that good into analyzing things like these. I'm too shallow. But I still do like the story, even if I'm having a hard time deciphering the message within.
Aw... So that's the meaning with the Adia nickname. And that's the whole deal with Nathan. Wow, the loss of innocence is really something that I've never even imagined. But it saddens me taht Nathan would have to leave like that.
And Rune - where will I begin with this one. I love the fact that he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. His underhandedness makes him a great character to love and to hate. And the fact that he's more concerned with keeping his promises than keeping friendship is a wonderful trait that separates him from the other characters.
I also kinda felt for the teacher - closing the school and stuff. She really gets the raw end of the deal. Oh well, that's what you get when you try to teach sense in a post apocalyptic world.
And the last part was intense. Rune and Adrian... whew I'm out of words. All that I can say is that it just overwhelmed me.
One more chapter to go. Try to review it ASAP. See ya soon!
2/11/2004 c4 kamui-kun
Ugh... such a very very depressing chapter - probably the most depressing one yet. So many things happened in this chapter that I was completely exhausted and worn out by the events and the happenings. Okay... I'm trying to regain back my composure now...
First of all, I admire and at the same time pity Adrian for the problems he's facing right now. The death of his mother, the visit of the dying friend, the frameup for Cedric's death - that's just too much for a young boy to go through. Still, I applaud him for forging on, not giving up on his morals and principles even at the direst circumstances.
The death of Cedric I did not expect. I thought that Adrian would exact revenge on him and Dennis but I guess I was wrong. I guess Cedric didn't expect Dennis to stand up for himself. Karma finally caught up with him, I see.
And Rune... such a cunning and manipulative person he is. At first glance, he seems like a friend but when you're back is turned he suddenly becomes your worst enemy. Such an intriguing character - my favorite one among all of them.
Somehow... I feel glad for Nathan. Even though he's probably only days from losing his life he seems to have got everything set. He knows what is to be done and how to go about it. Rarely do I see someone so composed, so placid at his last days. I don't know if that's all a mask but that's how e strikes me...
Finally, Mary seems to be in an emotional roller coaster these past few days. Sometimes she's happy, sometimes she's angry, sometimes she's sad - that's no good for a girl of her age. I think that the rag doll has something to do with her character - ugly, dirty and yet a much loved gift for everyone.
Such a powerful story you have here. Lot's of symbolisms to ponder about. Great work and I'll check on the next chappie soon.
Ugh... such a very very depressing chapter - probably the most depressing one yet. So many things happened in this chapter that I was completely exhausted and worn out by the events and the happenings. Okay... I'm trying to regain back my composure now...
First of all, I admire and at the same time pity Adrian for the problems he's facing right now. The death of his mother, the visit of the dying friend, the frameup for Cedric's death - that's just too much for a young boy to go through. Still, I applaud him for forging on, not giving up on his morals and principles even at the direst circumstances.
The death of Cedric I did not expect. I thought that Adrian would exact revenge on him and Dennis but I guess I was wrong. I guess Cedric didn't expect Dennis to stand up for himself. Karma finally caught up with him, I see.
And Rune... such a cunning and manipulative person he is. At first glance, he seems like a friend but when you're back is turned he suddenly becomes your worst enemy. Such an intriguing character - my favorite one among all of them.
Somehow... I feel glad for Nathan. Even though he's probably only days from losing his life he seems to have got everything set. He knows what is to be done and how to go about it. Rarely do I see someone so composed, so placid at his last days. I don't know if that's all a mask but that's how e strikes me...
Finally, Mary seems to be in an emotional roller coaster these past few days. Sometimes she's happy, sometimes she's angry, sometimes she's sad - that's no good for a girl of her age. I think that the rag doll has something to do with her character - ugly, dirty and yet a much loved gift for everyone.
Such a powerful story you have here. Lot's of symbolisms to ponder about. Great work and I'll check on the next chappie soon.
2/4/2004 c3 kamui-kun
Hi! Hi! Hi! Whew took me a while to review this one. Ah... tackling religion eh. Hm... interesting and very dangerous grounds... Some people might actually be irked by this chappie.
Okay, first of all, nice portrayal of the mass. I can empathize with that since it has also loss its meaning to me. But I would like to make some corrections on the celebration of the mass, although all of these are based on my personal experience as a Roman Catholic from the Phil. In our country, we accept communion every week, not once a month, and there we do not recieve the wine (only priests do or during some certain special occassions). If that's not how its celebrated over there or if you intended to change the celebration then I'm very sorry. =)
Now that's settled, let's get get to the story. Aw... this section really boosted Adrian's whole image for me. His selfless concern for his dying mother was something to be admired about. Even at the brink of death, all that he could think about was reaching his mother before she passed away. And even after her death, he still prayed for her, asking God to accept her in heaven. And he did all of that despite being badly beaten up by Cedric and Dennis. That's true selflessness for you.
Speaking about Cedric and Dennis, oh are they about to get it now. If I were Adrian and I found out that I was immortal, I'd raise hell on everyone that had crossed me. And believe me Cedric and Dennis had crossed him BIG TIME. But I don't think that Adiran's the fighting type... or is he just hiding that side of his... I guess we'll just have to see.
Terrific chappie. I'll try to catch the next one ASAP. =)
Hi! Hi! Hi! Whew took me a while to review this one. Ah... tackling religion eh. Hm... interesting and very dangerous grounds... Some people might actually be irked by this chappie.
Okay, first of all, nice portrayal of the mass. I can empathize with that since it has also loss its meaning to me. But I would like to make some corrections on the celebration of the mass, although all of these are based on my personal experience as a Roman Catholic from the Phil. In our country, we accept communion every week, not once a month, and there we do not recieve the wine (only priests do or during some certain special occassions). If that's not how its celebrated over there or if you intended to change the celebration then I'm very sorry. =)
Now that's settled, let's get get to the story. Aw... this section really boosted Adrian's whole image for me. His selfless concern for his dying mother was something to be admired about. Even at the brink of death, all that he could think about was reaching his mother before she passed away. And even after her death, he still prayed for her, asking God to accept her in heaven. And he did all of that despite being badly beaten up by Cedric and Dennis. That's true selflessness for you.
Speaking about Cedric and Dennis, oh are they about to get it now. If I were Adrian and I found out that I was immortal, I'd raise hell on everyone that had crossed me. And believe me Cedric and Dennis had crossed him BIG TIME. But I don't think that Adiran's the fighting type... or is he just hiding that side of his... I guess we'll just have to see.
Terrific chappie. I'll try to catch the next one ASAP. =)
1/26/2004 c2 kamui-kun
Ugh... Tear jerking - VERY tear jerking. The way Cedric and Dennis treated Marcus was just plain horrible. The sheer inhumane disregard for live these two displayed was very despicable, more so when they displayed it on such a helpless character as Marcus. Truly this was a pathetic way to show power.
Hm... I guess we could also say that it was everyone's fault for such a tragedy to happen. Well I guess it's also no one's fault because that's just how children like them were brought up. It's a dog eat dog world out there and probably people like Marcus just weren't ready to live in such a competitive world.
I guess the little glimmer of goodness in all of this was shown by Mary when she took the first step in caring for the poor little kid. Considering the norms of society in their world, she really did a genuine act of goodness when she untied Marcus from his bindings. That's the most difficult thing of all - being the first one to go against usual beliefs and Mary did a noble deed in doing so.
Hm... Rune and Than, I completely forgot about them because of the focus of the chapter. Well... when Rune said that he has no other choice but to get it back, it really made me wonder what he would do to accomplish what seemed to be an impossible task.
I guess I'll have to read the next chappies to figure this one out. Great story but there was a few typos here and there (Who's Adia in the last sentence? Is it Adrian?). Nothing too bad. Till next time! =)
Ugh... Tear jerking - VERY tear jerking. The way Cedric and Dennis treated Marcus was just plain horrible. The sheer inhumane disregard for live these two displayed was very despicable, more so when they displayed it on such a helpless character as Marcus. Truly this was a pathetic way to show power.
Hm... I guess we could also say that it was everyone's fault for such a tragedy to happen. Well I guess it's also no one's fault because that's just how children like them were brought up. It's a dog eat dog world out there and probably people like Marcus just weren't ready to live in such a competitive world.
I guess the little glimmer of goodness in all of this was shown by Mary when she took the first step in caring for the poor little kid. Considering the norms of society in their world, she really did a genuine act of goodness when she untied Marcus from his bindings. That's the most difficult thing of all - being the first one to go against usual beliefs and Mary did a noble deed in doing so.
Hm... Rune and Than, I completely forgot about them because of the focus of the chapter. Well... when Rune said that he has no other choice but to get it back, it really made me wonder what he would do to accomplish what seemed to be an impossible task.
I guess I'll have to read the next chappies to figure this one out. Great story but there was a few typos here and there (Who's Adia in the last sentence? Is it Adrian?). Nothing too bad. Till next time! =)
1/18/2004 c1 kamui-kun
Hi! Just finished the first chappie of All of Us Within. Hm... now I know why lots of people from we_ownz_it raved about this story. It's totally engrossing - this story of a post-apocalyptic world where humanity is at the brink of extinction due to a certain mysterious illness. Very, very nice setting for a group of pre-teen heroes and heroines.
First of all, great description of this decimated urban world you've created. The messed up buildings, the rubble filled streets, the voidness of any plant and animal life in the city's vicinity - really gives the readers a glimpse of how depressing, tragic and miserable the lives of your characters are. And the different reflections on life, religion and morality gives this a deeper perspective than most stories in FP. Great work!
And your characters - so distinct, so real and yet so mature for their age. There's that Mary - the girl who has maturity that surpasses her age and yet still young at heart to keep that rag doll beside her. Adrian - the realist who seems to have a great view of society and the truth but still chooses to care nonetheless. Rune - probably one of those children who are better off in life and yet still has that struggle with no less than his own father. And finally that Than - son of a priest but yet seems to possess a deeper, darker side that I could not point out. Great real characters! Marvelous!
And the little mixup at the end adds another dimension to it all, pitting probably Adrian against either Rune or Than. Makes it all the more interesting. What's this antidote and why can't they reproduce it? Ah... questions! ^_^
Great first chappie! Be sure that I'll catch the next one soon. Great work!
Hi! Just finished the first chappie of All of Us Within. Hm... now I know why lots of people from we_ownz_it raved about this story. It's totally engrossing - this story of a post-apocalyptic world where humanity is at the brink of extinction due to a certain mysterious illness. Very, very nice setting for a group of pre-teen heroes and heroines.
First of all, great description of this decimated urban world you've created. The messed up buildings, the rubble filled streets, the voidness of any plant and animal life in the city's vicinity - really gives the readers a glimpse of how depressing, tragic and miserable the lives of your characters are. And the different reflections on life, religion and morality gives this a deeper perspective than most stories in FP. Great work!
And your characters - so distinct, so real and yet so mature for their age. There's that Mary - the girl who has maturity that surpasses her age and yet still young at heart to keep that rag doll beside her. Adrian - the realist who seems to have a great view of society and the truth but still chooses to care nonetheless. Rune - probably one of those children who are better off in life and yet still has that struggle with no less than his own father. And finally that Than - son of a priest but yet seems to possess a deeper, darker side that I could not point out. Great real characters! Marvelous!
And the little mixup at the end adds another dimension to it all, pitting probably Adrian against either Rune or Than. Makes it all the more interesting. What's this antidote and why can't they reproduce it? Ah... questions! ^_^
Great first chappie! Be sure that I'll catch the next one soon. Great work!
12/21/2003 c3 
4foxdance
Hiya hiya! I'm back. Christmas vacation, woohoo! Okay, I know I should be reading Forever Blue since I started that one first, but hey, I'm Catholic and I'm cynical, so All of Us appeals to me more. Sowee ^^v
Anyway, this is the first time I'm typing a review as I read along.. I don't know what this will produce, but anyway...
The first part was really nice. Yes, I know a lot of hypocrites who go to church because they think simply being there every Sunday makes them all high and holy and assured of eternal life. I like the part where Cedric and Dennis attend mass for the bread and wine... I mean, the host doesn't even taste all that good, and the wine is kinda watery, so they must be pretty deprived to do that.
And where did this come from? “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made man.” Really cool. I’m guessing the potion had somehow mixed with Adrian’s blood when he drank it. Hmm, you know, they could have just made several people drink the potion, and then donate blood to everyone else since blood replenishes itself anyway. Then, everyone will live. A blood bank of eternal life… Now that’s a thought.
I was thinking that the potion Adrian accidentally drank could have saved his mother’s life… Tsk, tsk, what a waste. Once again I’m thinking along the same lines as “If stupid Mitsukake hadn’t gone off and died for a kid, Hotohori-sama would have lived...” Well, that was a bit off track, but anyway… And also, if Rune was out selling his father’s potions, then does that mean he doesn’t want a longer life for himself?
Woah, now I know how uber-long reviews come about… You type as you read ^^ Haha. Great chappie!
~rach
4foxdanceHiya hiya! I'm back. Christmas vacation, woohoo! Okay, I know I should be reading Forever Blue since I started that one first, but hey, I'm Catholic and I'm cynical, so All of Us appeals to me more. Sowee ^^v
Anyway, this is the first time I'm typing a review as I read along.. I don't know what this will produce, but anyway...
The first part was really nice. Yes, I know a lot of hypocrites who go to church because they think simply being there every Sunday makes them all high and holy and assured of eternal life. I like the part where Cedric and Dennis attend mass for the bread and wine... I mean, the host doesn't even taste all that good, and the wine is kinda watery, so they must be pretty deprived to do that.
And where did this come from? “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made man.” Really cool. I’m guessing the potion had somehow mixed with Adrian’s blood when he drank it. Hmm, you know, they could have just made several people drink the potion, and then donate blood to everyone else since blood replenishes itself anyway. Then, everyone will live. A blood bank of eternal life… Now that’s a thought.
I was thinking that the potion Adrian accidentally drank could have saved his mother’s life… Tsk, tsk, what a waste. Once again I’m thinking along the same lines as “If stupid Mitsukake hadn’t gone off and died for a kid, Hotohori-sama would have lived...” Well, that was a bit off track, but anyway… And also, if Rune was out selling his father’s potions, then does that mean he doesn’t want a longer life for himself?
Woah, now I know how uber-long reviews come about… You type as you read ^^ Haha. Great chappie!
~rach
12/13/2003 c2 foxdance
Haha, somehow that last sentence was really disturbing.
This chapter is just chock full of biblical symbolisms and more irony. Really good. *thumbs up*
Haha, somehow that last sentence was really disturbing.
This chapter is just chock full of biblical symbolisms and more irony. Really good. *thumbs up*
12/13/2003 c1 foxdance
Wow... That's all I can say. This is definitely your best, Geoff.
I don't know if there's much more I can say that I haven't said already. I mean I was talking to you via IM while reading this, but I'll repeat it again... It's so rich in symbolism. It's just wonderful. The irony and that subtle mockery of modern society really bites through. I especially love that "Adia" bit.. We both love McLachlan ^^
I'm adding this to my fav list ^^
Wow... That's all I can say. This is definitely your best, Geoff.
I don't know if there's much more I can say that I haven't said already. I mean I was talking to you via IM while reading this, but I'll repeat it again... It's so rich in symbolism. It's just wonderful. The irony and that subtle mockery of modern society really bites through. I especially love that "Adia" bit.. We both love McLachlan ^^
I'm adding this to my fav list ^^
8/30/2003 c1 1seafoamguitar
(this is josh)
nice story, i'm suprised so many people love you! Anyways, it's creative, the beginning reminds me a lot of Fahrenheit 451. These kids are too adult-ish in the beginning. And water does spoil, believe me. it's nasty.
1seafoamguitar(this is josh)
nice story, i'm suprised so many people love you! Anyways, it's creative, the beginning reminds me a lot of Fahrenheit 451. These kids are too adult-ish in the beginning. And water does spoil, believe me. it's nasty.
8/21/2003 c6 7idesel
i'm actualy sad that it's over...it is over right? anyways i liked your essay at the end it really made me think...which i don't do that often lol...you better write another story and son
7ideseli'm actualy sad that it's over...it is over right? anyways i liked your essay at the end it really made me think...which i don't do that often lol...you better write another story and son
8/17/2003 c6 31Cindy Moon
I hope you're proud of your work. This has been one of your best yet. You know that this was good despite your lack of reviews.(Deep down I know you're gloating about it ^_~)I have nothing negative really to say about this story. It's so philosophical! I LOVED IT! Now I guess I have to return the favor. Trust me I'm trying to type up the final chapters... I just wish I had the time!
-Cindy Moon *)
31Cindy MoonI hope you're proud of your work. This has been one of your best yet. You know that this was good despite your lack of reviews.(Deep down I know you're gloating about it ^_~)I have nothing negative really to say about this story. It's so philosophical! I LOVED IT! Now I guess I have to return the favor. Trust me I'm trying to type up the final chapters... I just wish I had the time!
-Cindy Moon *)
8/11/2003 c5 7idesel
happy belated birthday...wow...this story is alot different then you other ones...i don't know how i feel about mary now...poor Adrian, oh and thanks for clearing up that bit about Cedric...kinda wierd though..oh well as you know i LOVE your writing so keep it up!
7ideselhappy belated birthday...wow...this story is alot different then you other ones...i don't know how i feel about mary now...poor Adrian, oh and thanks for clearing up that bit about Cedric...kinda wierd though..oh well as you know i LOVE your writing so keep it up!
8/9/2003 c5 31Cindy Moon
You have layers, underlying themes, you have captured certain elements of what it means to be human. It's a beautiful piece of work! I love the perception on life in this story, both life itself and how it's being lived through young people. Human flaws exists in every age. Now I'm at a lack for words for this review...
The characters are portrayed wonderfully considering their ages. 6-year olds with adult minds. What a wonder the world hadnt met apocalypse yet. I'm quite attached to all of them, especially Rune-don't ask why. And you were right, I have no idea who you based Mary on.
-Cindy Moon *)
p.s. I'm thinking of taking on hunting in addtion to fishing as a sport, so don't make me angry by not updating this ^_~
31Cindy MoonYou have layers, underlying themes, you have captured certain elements of what it means to be human. It's a beautiful piece of work! I love the perception on life in this story, both life itself and how it's being lived through young people. Human flaws exists in every age. Now I'm at a lack for words for this review...
The characters are portrayed wonderfully considering their ages. 6-year olds with adult minds. What a wonder the world hadnt met apocalypse yet. I'm quite attached to all of them, especially Rune-don't ask why. And you were right, I have no idea who you based Mary on.
-Cindy Moon *)
p.s. I'm thinking of taking on hunting in addtion to fishing as a sport, so don't make me angry by not updating this ^_~
8/9/2003 c4 Cindy Moon
INTENSE!
-Cindy Moon *)
I have another chapter to catch up with. Sorry this review contained one word and a couple of exclaimation marks. *still recovering from trauma of the trip*
INTENSE!
-Cindy Moon *)
I have another chapter to catch up with. Sorry this review contained one word and a couple of exclaimation marks. *still recovering from trauma of the trip*