for Version Conflict8/19/2004 c2 
14biminator
fantastic, exciting story. nearly sentient nano-bots, a berserk mechanical spider. . . i can't belive anyone could think of something like that. wonderful. the "all your base" reference was a great touch as well. PLEASE CONTINUE!
14biminatorfantastic, exciting story. nearly sentient nano-bots, a berserk mechanical spider. . . i can't belive anyone could think of something like that. wonderful. the "all your base" reference was a great touch as well. PLEASE CONTINUE!
10/23/2003 c2 Mbwun
Hilarious. Just hilarious.
But that's not really the constructive criticism you wanted. Okay, well, some of your jokes seem forced, and that makes them, well, not funny. I noticed this in the first chapter, when he's getting his shots. Sometimes, the cranks about how he'd put people into comas the last time were... unnatural, I guess, is the best way to put it. On the other hand, some of them were hysterical.
Keep up the good work.
~He Who Walks On All Fours
Hilarious. Just hilarious.
But that's not really the constructive criticism you wanted. Okay, well, some of your jokes seem forced, and that makes them, well, not funny. I noticed this in the first chapter, when he's getting his shots. Sometimes, the cranks about how he'd put people into comas the last time were... unnatural, I guess, is the best way to put it. On the other hand, some of them were hysterical.
Keep up the good work.
~He Who Walks On All Fours
8/24/2003 c2 talyra
Me again! I like your sense of humour - you manage to keep it funny without it becoming silly. That's quite a skill, y'know!
Me again! I like your sense of humour - you manage to keep it funny without it becoming silly. That's quite a skill, y'know!
7/28/2003 c2 deLurk
lol! this is the randomest coherent story i've ever read! The scary thing is that it actually has logic! You've done an awesome job of balancing the character and technological aspects too. and 'colonized the cat' is about the damn funniest phrase ever...
lol! this is the randomest coherent story i've ever read! The scary thing is that it actually has logic! You've done an awesome job of balancing the character and technological aspects too. and 'colonized the cat' is about the damn funniest phrase ever...
7/13/2003 c1 talyra
woah...weird...
I like this. A lot.
I can't see any problems (except the spelling but that's an American thing rather than actual errors, which really makes it MY problem I suppose). But then again I don't know where you're taking this. If you're not happy with something you've written, read it through, leave it, go do something else, then come back and read it again a while later. You'll look at it from a slightly different perspective - that of reader rather than writer - and you might realise what it is that you don't like.
woah...weird...
I like this. A lot.
I can't see any problems (except the spelling but that's an American thing rather than actual errors, which really makes it MY problem I suppose). But then again I don't know where you're taking this. If you're not happy with something you've written, read it through, leave it, go do something else, then come back and read it again a while later. You'll look at it from a slightly different perspective - that of reader rather than writer - and you might realise what it is that you don't like.