for Rain5/12/2004 c1 
40Jareth the Monk
Sorry I've been away for about a month, but I will eventually read all your stuff. It must have something going for it, after all. Promise!
You say you love the rain to wash
Away the sadness that you knew.
The falling droplets echo in
Your head with a familiar tune,
A perfect match for funerals
And broken-hearted lonely ones.
But rainy days are taken for
The brightest, if we miss the sun
That circles endlessly beyond
All clouds or shadows, hopes and doubts.
Our life and death will pass us by
Before we learn to do without
The troubles that will give us cause
To find our solace in the rain.
A cleansing of a tortured soul,
A respite from an endless pain.
40Jareth the MonkSorry I've been away for about a month, but I will eventually read all your stuff. It must have something going for it, after all. Promise!
You say you love the rain to wash
Away the sadness that you knew.
The falling droplets echo in
Your head with a familiar tune,
A perfect match for funerals
And broken-hearted lonely ones.
But rainy days are taken for
The brightest, if we miss the sun
That circles endlessly beyond
All clouds or shadows, hopes and doubts.
Our life and death will pass us by
Before we learn to do without
The troubles that will give us cause
To find our solace in the rain.
A cleansing of a tortured soul,
A respite from an endless pain.
1/6/2004 c1 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I like the rain as well, so obviously I could relate. The poem has an interesting concept – the speaker is always sad, but when the weather "fits [her] mood" she likes it, and she enjoys that.
A lot of the rhymes seemed forced. I think you'd do a lot better with non-rhymed poetry. You're good at evoking moods, but the mood is held back by the way you're struggling to find rhymes. Try focusing completely on the mood and forgetting about rhymes (which don't even really sound right, at least to me, for poetry that isn't "playful" in theme).
I like the rain as well, so obviously I could relate. The poem has an interesting concept – the speaker is always sad, but when the weather "fits [her] mood" she likes it, and she enjoys that.
A lot of the rhymes seemed forced. I think you'd do a lot better with non-rhymed poetry. You're good at evoking moods, but the mood is held back by the way you're struggling to find rhymes. Try focusing completely on the mood and forgetting about rhymes (which don't even really sound right, at least to me, for poetry that isn't "playful" in theme).
1/1/2004 c1 Arreis Kurai
glad to see im not the only one who likes the rain...and i get a lot of rain wehre i live...but i like your imagery and everything rhymes perfectly! i love it when people rhyme without cheating...though the cheats sometimes make it interseting...but i like your imagery
~*Arreis Kurai*~
glad to see im not the only one who likes the rain...and i get a lot of rain wehre i live...but i like your imagery and everything rhymes perfectly! i love it when people rhyme without cheating...though the cheats sometimes make it interseting...but i like your imagery
~*Arreis Kurai*~
12/16/2003 c1 Anikki
Nice, yep, yep. Ah, but try not to force out rhyming. 'Tis all, methinks.
But, yes, I enjoyed it. I like rain at night time, not during the day. I dunno why. I'm weird. But, yea, I could kinda relate.
I liked it, that I did.
-Anikki
Nice, yep, yep. Ah, but try not to force out rhyming. 'Tis all, methinks.
But, yes, I enjoyed it. I like rain at night time, not during the day. I dunno why. I'm weird. But, yea, I could kinda relate.
I liked it, that I did.
-Anikki
12/15/2003 c1 6princessjunkie
This is great! I really enjoyed it but got confused with the word "singles". Did you mean "shingles" ?
Anyway, good work.
Aornis :)
P.S Can you please R&R my work? :)
P.P.S I really enjoyed Dune as well.
6princessjunkieThis is great! I really enjoyed it but got confused with the word "singles". Did you mean "shingles" ?
Anyway, good work.
Aornis :)
P.S Can you please R&R my work? :)
P.P.S I really enjoyed Dune as well.
11/1/2003 c1 Ushi
Yay!
I love the rain, too- have you ever gone out in a downpour and done cartwheels? I have. Only it was on a fresh mowed lawn, and I was totally green when I came in...
Don't work so hard to make it rhyme. Lots of good poetry only has a little rhyme- or none at all.
Peace out!
Yay!
I love the rain, too- have you ever gone out in a downpour and done cartwheels? I have. Only it was on a fresh mowed lawn, and I was totally green when I came in...
Don't work so hard to make it rhyme. Lots of good poetry only has a little rhyme- or none at all.
Peace out!
11/1/2003 c1 KatyGirl1219
I can so empathize. I have poems about the rain, too :) I absolutely love the flow of this one and the imagery in it.
Please keep writing!
::hugs::
I can so empathize. I have poems about the rain, too :) I absolutely love the flow of this one and the imagery in it.
Please keep writing!
::hugs::
10/31/2003 c1 orangefreak33
I love the way rain can wash away all the bad feelings and leave you feeling clean and new. Just one little error-singles should be shingles. Now I want it to rain...
I love the way rain can wash away all the bad feelings and leave you feeling clean and new. Just one little error-singles should be shingles. Now I want it to rain...
9/29/2003 c1 22Thorngren
wow. it was raining when i read this, and, well... wow. i really enjoyed this work of writing and it really did an amazing job of putting out the feelings of hearing the rain. like, feeling it within yourself.
cheers mate, job well done.
22Thorngrenwow. it was raining when i read this, and, well... wow. i really enjoyed this work of writing and it really did an amazing job of putting out the feelings of hearing the rain. like, feeling it within yourself.
cheers mate, job well done.
8/4/2003 c1 38Shadafakup
*whine* But its so nice to fall asleep when its raining outside.. I love the rain too, but sometimes i never do stay awake.. Uh.. The twist in the ending is pretty cool..
Great poem, with good descriptions.. I liked how you linked your mood with the weather..
Just a few parts where I found the rhyming slightly forced but all the same.. Great piece, enjoyable read..
And Cheers to the rain, for the calm and refreshment it brings..
Nice job! =)
38Shadafakup*whine* But its so nice to fall asleep when its raining outside.. I love the rain too, but sometimes i never do stay awake.. Uh.. The twist in the ending is pretty cool..
Great poem, with good descriptions.. I liked how you linked your mood with the weather..
Just a few parts where I found the rhyming slightly forced but all the same.. Great piece, enjoyable read..
And Cheers to the rain, for the calm and refreshment it brings..
Nice job! =)
7/28/2003 c1 96AutumnRhapsody
Cool poem. Sorry I took so long to review your stuff (unless I did and haven't figured out what I reviewed of yours yet...). The rhymes are great and it's just really good. My friend's kind of the same way...she is obsessed w/rain.
96AutumnRhapsodyCool poem. Sorry I took so long to review your stuff (unless I did and haven't figured out what I reviewed of yours yet...). The rhymes are great and it's just really good. My friend's kind of the same way...she is obsessed w/rain.
7/19/2003 c1 Nothing to read
I love the rain too. i know just how you feel. Of course, i am obsessed with water. i can stare at clear water for hours. ^.^ anyway, very good poem, you made a rhyming one! I have trouble with rhyming.
I love the rain too. i know just how you feel. Of course, i am obsessed with water. i can stare at clear water for hours. ^.^ anyway, very good poem, you made a rhyming one! I have trouble with rhyming.
7/17/2003 c1 11T III
really cool poem, i love the rain too (kinda reflects my mood but also helps when u live in england lol) i really like the well of emotions in this and the interesting twist of the darkness being the warmth and lack of rain and the joy being the rain since its usually described as the opposite... im going to have to read more of your stuff. usually id make a comment about the form of the poem but for some reason i cant see any way this could be separated into separate stanzas :) really like this and cant wait to read more. oh and i like your fave quote (ive been trying to remember the exact quote since i read it in dune over a year ago lol) well i suppose i should stop before i start to ramble
taffy
11T IIIreally cool poem, i love the rain too (kinda reflects my mood but also helps when u live in england lol) i really like the well of emotions in this and the interesting twist of the darkness being the warmth and lack of rain and the joy being the rain since its usually described as the opposite... im going to have to read more of your stuff. usually id make a comment about the form of the poem but for some reason i cant see any way this could be separated into separate stanzas :) really like this and cant wait to read more. oh and i like your fave quote (ive been trying to remember the exact quote since i read it in dune over a year ago lol) well i suppose i should stop before i start to ramble
taffy
7/13/2003 c1 2the-last-word
girl...
i love ur poem...though i don't like the rain cos it ruins my day 4 me...but i haven't been reading poems or trying my hand at poetry 4 a long time, n reading urs was like really refreshing...in fact it sounds like a song...did u realize? keep writing =)
2the-last-wordgirl...
i love ur poem...though i don't like the rain cos it ruins my day 4 me...but i haven't been reading poems or trying my hand at poetry 4 a long time, n reading urs was like really refreshing...in fact it sounds like a song...did u realize? keep writing =)