for Storm of Dreams8/21/2003 c17 The Winged Reaper
Finally some insight as to what the hell is going on! Wonderful writing as always, looking foreward to the next chapter.
Finally some insight as to what the hell is going on! Wonderful writing as always, looking foreward to the next chapter.
8/21/2003 c17 
36MoonLitDemon
Great-o!
Loved this chapter! Now they're friends! Yay! I'm glad that she finally found one. Yes, this review is kind of not helping, but I really like Kyle and he was lonely... and... full of sorrow.
Well, update soon! I hope I can provide you with more constructive criticism next time!
Much love,
MEGAN THE MOONLITDEMON
36MoonLitDemonGreat-o!
Loved this chapter! Now they're friends! Yay! I'm glad that she finally found one. Yes, this review is kind of not helping, but I really like Kyle and he was lonely... and... full of sorrow.
Well, update soon! I hope I can provide you with more constructive criticism next time!
Much love,
MEGAN THE MOONLITDEMON
8/21/2003 c3 3theangryfeminist
Poor Tinker. I know how he feels. And when I was nineteen, my time was running out. If I didn't get married right then, I'd be alone forever! (I grew out of it.)
I am enjoying this one, and will keep reading. I love supernatural type stories. I hope you haven't given up on Dragon's Scale, though. And I understand about being busy. It's been crazy for me too. I hope you made it throught the virus and the blackout okay.
3theangryfeministPoor Tinker. I know how he feels. And when I was nineteen, my time was running out. If I didn't get married right then, I'd be alone forever! (I grew out of it.)
I am enjoying this one, and will keep reading. I love supernatural type stories. I hope you haven't given up on Dragon's Scale, though. And I understand about being busy. It's been crazy for me too. I hope you made it throught the virus and the blackout okay.
8/20/2003 c16 SoulessFreedom
the necklace is starting to affect the epeople like The Ring in Lord of the Rings...
*shiver*
It is great how fast you guys update!
the necklace is starting to affect the epeople like The Ring in Lord of the Rings...
*shiver*
It is great how fast you guys update!
8/20/2003 c16 7Flamehail
Heh. Sorry I've not been keeping up with this. There were four new chapters for me to read, or something like that.
But it's good! I'm intrigued! I want to see whether Tinker can snap out of it and if Kyle can redeem himself and whatever will happen to Winter and Kahiki. You guys are making some good, believable characters, and I'm kinda getting the idea of some plot. Huzzah!
*happy update dance* *happy new review dance*
Keep up the good work!
Flamehail, aka Queen Huzzah
7FlamehailHeh. Sorry I've not been keeping up with this. There were four new chapters for me to read, or something like that.
But it's good! I'm intrigued! I want to see whether Tinker can snap out of it and if Kyle can redeem himself and whatever will happen to Winter and Kahiki. You guys are making some good, believable characters, and I'm kinda getting the idea of some plot. Huzzah!
*happy update dance* *happy new review dance*
Keep up the good work!
Flamehail, aka Queen Huzzah
8/20/2003 c16 8swim052001
Wow this story reminds me of Lord of the Rings and how he was always like my presious to the ring. Anways good story so far but still a little confused about the whole Kyle coming outside his property line and scaring the kids. But yall will explain you always do. So anyways keep up the good work and i can see everyone tieing together.
8swim052001Wow this story reminds me of Lord of the Rings and how he was always like my presious to the ring. Anways good story so far but still a little confused about the whole Kyle coming outside his property line and scaring the kids. But yall will explain you always do. So anyways keep up the good work and i can see everyone tieing together.
8/19/2003 c16 Aeitul
Whatever happened with Winter and Kyle? Is this chapter (Kyle having the memory, not the time of the memory of itself) supposed to be before or after the cliffhanger, what-the-heck-is-going-on meeting? And when are you going to explain it? It better be soon. I can't force you make it happen soon, but I can beg pathetically. Please, please, please make it happen soon! See? Pathetic. Anyway, please do explain it soon. I'm not even sure where to begin thinking about a possible explanation.
Now, for the actual content of this chapter. Odd that Kahiki was affected in the same way as Kyle and Tinker. I see three possibilities here (though there are probably way more than that): the necklace only affects guys, it picks who it affects, or it can't affect more than one person at a time. I'm likely way off, though. Which is why I won't assume that the reason is any one of the three I typed out.
Whatever happened with Winter and Kyle? Is this chapter (Kyle having the memory, not the time of the memory of itself) supposed to be before or after the cliffhanger, what-the-heck-is-going-on meeting? And when are you going to explain it? It better be soon. I can't force you make it happen soon, but I can beg pathetically. Please, please, please make it happen soon! See? Pathetic. Anyway, please do explain it soon. I'm not even sure where to begin thinking about a possible explanation.
Now, for the actual content of this chapter. Odd that Kahiki was affected in the same way as Kyle and Tinker. I see three possibilities here (though there are probably way more than that): the necklace only affects guys, it picks who it affects, or it can't affect more than one person at a time. I'm likely way off, though. Which is why I won't assume that the reason is any one of the three I typed out.
8/19/2003 c16 Cat
wow!
this is really suspenseful!
can you email me when you've put up more ?
but..i think you can put a bit more romance in it to spice it up...
bye!
wow!
this is really suspenseful!
can you email me when you've put up more ?
but..i think you can put a bit more romance in it to spice it up...
bye!
8/19/2003 c7 starsknight
Wow. I said the last chapter was my favorite thus far in terms of style; this one gets that honor in terms of content.
I can tell you for sure that Kyle's my favorite character, at least for now. See, first impressions are often true. What really clinches it is that last section, actually, because it deepens the character, and because, well, okay, I'm a sucker for tragic heroes.
It's a beautiful memory, and a beautiful transition. I wonder why he has the doll, and only the doll. I wonder why he lost everything. And what happened to Kiki. And so on and so forth. And if he is alive in some sense, what about the body they found? There are so many questions, but not too many-I mean, you've drawn the reader in enough that it'sokay to leave those things unanswered for now. You haven't fallen into the trap of trying to make everything mysterious, and so making it just plain confusing. And I love some of the details in the memory-like the way Kyle tries to get his dad to "rescue" him. I wonder what happened to him. So sad...
"–and remarkably clumsy." Very funny.
Suggestions: "She twisted her skirt around so it was facing the proper way, having been knocked askew in the fall." The phrasing is a little awkward. maybe "...way, as it had been knocked askew...". Though come to think of it, I'm not sure "knocked" is the best word for something done to a skirt... "hopping over the pile that had come from the closet and running down the hall" Maybe just "hopping over the pile of boxes and running..."? As it is, I was tempted to read it as the pile, and not the girl, that was running down the hall. Also, "Kyle beamed up at him, his boyish grin reflecting his perky personality." We pick up what his personality is from the writing. Maybe just "Kyle beamed up at him with his typical boyish grin." Or something. And finally, "Taking his hand, the two ran from her bedroom toward his." Maybe "Taking his hand, she ran with him from her bedroom towards his." As it is, you have "the two" "taking his hand" which is, I think, a little different from what you intended.
Anyway, cool chapter. Definitely my favorite so far. Looking forward to more! :)
Wow. I said the last chapter was my favorite thus far in terms of style; this one gets that honor in terms of content.
I can tell you for sure that Kyle's my favorite character, at least for now. See, first impressions are often true. What really clinches it is that last section, actually, because it deepens the character, and because, well, okay, I'm a sucker for tragic heroes.
It's a beautiful memory, and a beautiful transition. I wonder why he has the doll, and only the doll. I wonder why he lost everything. And what happened to Kiki. And so on and so forth. And if he is alive in some sense, what about the body they found? There are so many questions, but not too many-I mean, you've drawn the reader in enough that it'sokay to leave those things unanswered for now. You haven't fallen into the trap of trying to make everything mysterious, and so making it just plain confusing. And I love some of the details in the memory-like the way Kyle tries to get his dad to "rescue" him. I wonder what happened to him. So sad...
"–and remarkably clumsy." Very funny.
Suggestions: "She twisted her skirt around so it was facing the proper way, having been knocked askew in the fall." The phrasing is a little awkward. maybe "...way, as it had been knocked askew...". Though come to think of it, I'm not sure "knocked" is the best word for something done to a skirt... "hopping over the pile that had come from the closet and running down the hall" Maybe just "hopping over the pile of boxes and running..."? As it is, I was tempted to read it as the pile, and not the girl, that was running down the hall. Also, "Kyle beamed up at him, his boyish grin reflecting his perky personality." We pick up what his personality is from the writing. Maybe just "Kyle beamed up at him with his typical boyish grin." Or something. And finally, "Taking his hand, the two ran from her bedroom toward his." Maybe "Taking his hand, she ran with him from her bedroom towards his." As it is, you have "the two" "taking his hand" which is, I think, a little different from what you intended.
Anyway, cool chapter. Definitely my favorite so far. Looking forward to more! :)
8/19/2003 c6 starsknight
I like the name Zaria-it's a neat name, and it fits the character really well. It's nice to see someone who isn't just a complete jerk to Winter.
Interesting about Kyle and the necklace. I wonder if he's really dead or if in some way he got zapped into some other world or another place, as Tinker seemed to. I'm not sure it bodes well for Tinker, though, especially with the way the necklace seems so addictive. Kyle's decline from really sweet to strange and sudden anger is interesting too. Naturally the necklace must be to blame...but how, I wonder. A lot of questions at this point. I look forward to reading on and finding some answers.
The dark eyes sound creepy.
I found a lot less to complain about in terms of the grammer this time (yay!) :). I liked a lot of the sentences, like "Winter frowned slightly, grabbing the bag but not slinging it over her shoulder. Instead, she dragged it on the grassy ground as she walked toward the older girl." A couple notes: "Winter demanded of her." You just used the word demanded. Maybe vary it a little? Also, "then again, she didn’t know Zaria that well." pronoun confusion. Might be clearer if you say "Winter" instead of "she."
But really, other than that, I have no complaints. The dialogue is very realistic, and gives us a good idea of Zaria's character, which is always good. I think in terms of pure style this is probably my favorite chapter so far. Good job!
I like the name Zaria-it's a neat name, and it fits the character really well. It's nice to see someone who isn't just a complete jerk to Winter.
Interesting about Kyle and the necklace. I wonder if he's really dead or if in some way he got zapped into some other world or another place, as Tinker seemed to. I'm not sure it bodes well for Tinker, though, especially with the way the necklace seems so addictive. Kyle's decline from really sweet to strange and sudden anger is interesting too. Naturally the necklace must be to blame...but how, I wonder. A lot of questions at this point. I look forward to reading on and finding some answers.
The dark eyes sound creepy.
I found a lot less to complain about in terms of the grammer this time (yay!) :). I liked a lot of the sentences, like "Winter frowned slightly, grabbing the bag but not slinging it over her shoulder. Instead, she dragged it on the grassy ground as she walked toward the older girl." A couple notes: "Winter demanded of her." You just used the word demanded. Maybe vary it a little? Also, "then again, she didn’t know Zaria that well." pronoun confusion. Might be clearer if you say "Winter" instead of "she."
But really, other than that, I have no complaints. The dialogue is very realistic, and gives us a good idea of Zaria's character, which is always good. I think in terms of pure style this is probably my favorite chapter so far. Good job!
8/19/2003 c16 14Storysmith
good chapter. Nice sibling dialogue. Very good. 'Pop' threw me off for a minute. It is coke where I'm from, but that's just a random fact. Good chapter and the memory seems very vivid. Kahiki's thought processes were great!
14Storysmithgood chapter. Nice sibling dialogue. Very good. 'Pop' threw me off for a minute. It is coke where I'm from, but that's just a random fact. Good chapter and the memory seems very vivid. Kahiki's thought processes were great!
8/19/2003 c16 Allegretto
You've finished typing? Hurry up and post then! I want to know where all this is going.
You've finished typing? Hurry up and post then! I want to know where all this is going.
8/19/2003 c16 1Calix
Moonlitdemon: My poor little Kyle! That idiotic necklace! Let me get a hold of it- I'll break the thing into little pieces. Anyways, great chapter!
Krikoris: *nods in agreement*
Moonlitdemon: Thanks a lot for the review!
Krikoris: The prologue confused you? Oh, I see. You see, the stars are meant to show you a flashback of when she was raped.
Calix: They are morbid, aren't they? Writing about rape... demented children.
Moonlitdemon: Shut up, Calix! Anyways, I really love the story! And thanks for the review!
1CalixMoonlitdemon: My poor little Kyle! That idiotic necklace! Let me get a hold of it- I'll break the thing into little pieces. Anyways, great chapter!
Krikoris: *nods in agreement*
Moonlitdemon: Thanks a lot for the review!
Krikoris: The prologue confused you? Oh, I see. You see, the stars are meant to show you a flashback of when she was raped.
Calix: They are morbid, aren't they? Writing about rape... demented children.
Moonlitdemon: Shut up, Calix! Anyways, I really love the story! And thanks for the review!
8/19/2003 c16 Amaya
I like this story, update agsin soon. Bye-bye:p
I like this story, update agsin soon. Bye-bye:p