for Storm of Dreams10/1/2003 c21 
3theangryfeminist
Wow, that's SO RUDE of people. I mean, reviewing just to ask for reviews. I don't see anything wrong with writing reviews in hopes of getting some reviews for oneself, but at least write a GOOD review in that case. By good I mean picking out specific things you like or think can be improved, you know?
I like how things are coming together. I'm looking forward to Kahiki and Winter meeting. I'm sorry I don't have a lot more to say on this one, but I'm still here reading. :)
3theangryfeministWow, that's SO RUDE of people. I mean, reviewing just to ask for reviews. I don't see anything wrong with writing reviews in hopes of getting some reviews for oneself, but at least write a GOOD review in that case. By good I mean picking out specific things you like or think can be improved, you know?
I like how things are coming together. I'm looking forward to Kahiki and Winter meeting. I'm sorry I don't have a lot more to say on this one, but I'm still here reading. :)
9/30/2003 c20 theangryfeminist
Yay, I finally know the background. And there seems to be a possible solution in the end. Sort of. Kyle's body should be decomposing in the ground by now, so I'm not sure how that works. Maybe it just releases him from the madness and he's no longer bound to his house? Speculations, don't mind me.
They have to get it done before it kills Tinker!
I'll be back to read more soon. I think I'm getting a little sick, and I'm sorta tired. But soon, I'll be back, I promise. :)
Yay, I finally know the background. And there seems to be a possible solution in the end. Sort of. Kyle's body should be decomposing in the ground by now, so I'm not sure how that works. Maybe it just releases him from the madness and he's no longer bound to his house? Speculations, don't mind me.
They have to get it done before it kills Tinker!
I'll be back to read more soon. I think I'm getting a little sick, and I'm sorta tired. But soon, I'll be back, I promise. :)
9/29/2003 c18 theangryfeminist
How completely embarrassing for Kahiki, thinking Eric was going to ask her out, to finally find out he's interested in her friend. And what a relief. I know how that can be.
If I were her, though, I would NEVER have admitted I thought he was going to ask me out. I'd have been way too embarrassed. But Kahiki doesn't seem like the shy sort, I suppose. Nope, she seems outgoing.
How completely embarrassing for Kahiki, thinking Eric was going to ask her out, to finally find out he's interested in her friend. And what a relief. I know how that can be.
If I were her, though, I would NEVER have admitted I thought he was going to ask me out. I'd have been way too embarrassed. But Kahiki doesn't seem like the shy sort, I suppose. Nope, she seems outgoing.
9/26/2003 c17 theangryfeminist
I hope you know what the title of this chapter gets me hoping to find out. Anyway . . . *starts reading*
'After Kyle had scared away the three boys the day before, he had sat next to her and apologized for nearly giving her a heart attack' I would've enjoyed seeing this conversation. Is there some reason you decided to skip it? Sometimes I skip scenes that I just have a lot of trouble finding the words for. It just would've been nice to see them transition into the friendship.
It's nice to get more of Kyle's story. A lot of it could be guessed, but not all. I wonder why the necklace killed him off, if he did something it didn't like.
I'm really curious about the necklace's history. Who made it and why? Great job, overall. Keep it up!
I hope you know what the title of this chapter gets me hoping to find out. Anyway . . . *starts reading*
'After Kyle had scared away the three boys the day before, he had sat next to her and apologized for nearly giving her a heart attack' I would've enjoyed seeing this conversation. Is there some reason you decided to skip it? Sometimes I skip scenes that I just have a lot of trouble finding the words for. It just would've been nice to see them transition into the friendship.
It's nice to get more of Kyle's story. A lot of it could be guessed, but not all. I wonder why the necklace killed him off, if he did something it didn't like.
I'm really curious about the necklace's history. Who made it and why? Great job, overall. Keep it up!
9/26/2003 c16 theangryfeminist
I'm sorry you've been sick. I hope you start to feel better soon.
'He felt his eyes burning with new tears as the memory formed unwillingly in his mind…' Maybe instead of saying it formed unwillingly, you should say 'against his will.' It just seems to me that the memory wants to form, and that Kyle doesn't want it.
I'm also not sure how we get some of Kahiki's point of view in Kyle's memory. Maybe if you inserted a little break, having her reminisce at the same time, separately, it would make a little more sense?
You call it pop. What state are you in? They call it soda in New England, pop out here in Colorado. In the south they call it Coke. Everything is Coke. Some people don't know what pop even is, as I discovered when I lived briefly in RI. I had to train myself to call it soda so people wouldn't look at me like I was speaking Martian. Just a neat regional quirk. Back to the story . . .
I wonder if maybe men are weaker against the necklace than women? Or maybe Kahiki just has more sense than Kyle or Tinker. I'm still really curious about the gender idea. I'll have to keep reading to find out, I guess.
A very poignant chapter, overall. I'll be back to review more soon.
I'm sorry you've been sick. I hope you start to feel better soon.
'He felt his eyes burning with new tears as the memory formed unwillingly in his mind…' Maybe instead of saying it formed unwillingly, you should say 'against his will.' It just seems to me that the memory wants to form, and that Kyle doesn't want it.
I'm also not sure how we get some of Kahiki's point of view in Kyle's memory. Maybe if you inserted a little break, having her reminisce at the same time, separately, it would make a little more sense?
You call it pop. What state are you in? They call it soda in New England, pop out here in Colorado. In the south they call it Coke. Everything is Coke. Some people don't know what pop even is, as I discovered when I lived briefly in RI. I had to train myself to call it soda so people wouldn't look at me like I was speaking Martian. Just a neat regional quirk. Back to the story . . .
I wonder if maybe men are weaker against the necklace than women? Or maybe Kahiki just has more sense than Kyle or Tinker. I'm still really curious about the gender idea. I'll have to keep reading to find out, I guess.
A very poignant chapter, overall. I'll be back to review more soon.
9/24/2003 c15 theangryfeminist
I notice you used it a couple of times in here. Snuck actually isn't a word, according to the dictionary. The past tense of sneak is actually sneaked. I wonder where snuck came from in the first place? So many people use it.
At first I felt bad for Tinker, thinking Kahiki wouldn't see him. I enjoyed that scene. You're great with very natural seeming humor. So many people who do humor just make it seem ridiculous rather than real, especially in movies lately. And you turn things more serious so easily. I bet you'll be publishing things one day.
I notice you used it a couple of times in here. Snuck actually isn't a word, according to the dictionary. The past tense of sneak is actually sneaked. I wonder where snuck came from in the first place? So many people use it.
At first I felt bad for Tinker, thinking Kahiki wouldn't see him. I enjoyed that scene. You're great with very natural seeming humor. So many people who do humor just make it seem ridiculous rather than real, especially in movies lately. And you turn things more serious so easily. I bet you'll be publishing things one day.
9/18/2003 c26 EclipseKlutz
You could've it out just a little more (get all the reviews this story's worth). and when your editing, try not to take out too much- there was nothing wrong with it! I'm gonna start rambling in a moment, so I'll stop here.
Good luck with your next story!
~EK
You could've it out just a little more (get all the reviews this story's worth). and when your editing, try not to take out too much- there was nothing wrong with it! I'm gonna start rambling in a moment, so I'll stop here.
Good luck with your next story!
~EK
9/17/2003 c8 starsknight
For once, there's not a whole lot I have to say about this chapter. It's sad, and it's really good to see Kahiki just after Kyle's memory. It really makes me wonder where Kyle is...is he actually a ghost or really alive, but trapped away from everything...and how the necklace is tied in. I enjoyed Kahiki's interchange with Eric. Been there; you describe it very well. I love the shared memory at the end of the chapter, and it makes me wonder if whatever happened happened that night. The last four paragraphs are very well done. I like Kahiki as a character-and I love her full name. Sorry it's been awhile since the last review...I've been awfully busy, but hopefully will get to continue this story soon...and I see it's now finished, which gives me even more incentive to read it.
Oh, in response to one of your comments: the word "pilgrim" is in quotes because the man isn't actually a pilgrim-it's a disguise. Good catch anyway.
For once, there's not a whole lot I have to say about this chapter. It's sad, and it's really good to see Kahiki just after Kyle's memory. It really makes me wonder where Kyle is...is he actually a ghost or really alive, but trapped away from everything...and how the necklace is tied in. I enjoyed Kahiki's interchange with Eric. Been there; you describe it very well. I love the shared memory at the end of the chapter, and it makes me wonder if whatever happened happened that night. The last four paragraphs are very well done. I like Kahiki as a character-and I love her full name. Sorry it's been awhile since the last review...I've been awfully busy, but hopefully will get to continue this story soon...and I see it's now finished, which gives me even more incentive to read it.
Oh, in response to one of your comments: the word "pilgrim" is in quotes because the man isn't actually a pilgrim-it's a disguise. Good catch anyway.
9/16/2003 c14 theangryfeminist
I really don't like these boys. They seem like junior rapists. Some of the things they were saying, anyway, just gave me a dirty feeling. I assume it was intentional? I could be wrong; but I can't figure out what they'd want to do with Winter otherwise . . . boys don't usually go beating girls up. At least, not that I recall. I got beat up by girls, hollered at by boys. (Yeah, I was a nerd, which is why I like Winter so much.)
But Kyle scores major points with me now. He's great. :)
I really don't like these boys. They seem like junior rapists. Some of the things they were saying, anyway, just gave me a dirty feeling. I assume it was intentional? I could be wrong; but I can't figure out what they'd want to do with Winter otherwise . . . boys don't usually go beating girls up. At least, not that I recall. I got beat up by girls, hollered at by boys. (Yeah, I was a nerd, which is why I like Winter so much.)
But Kyle scores major points with me now. He's great. :)
9/15/2003 c13 3theangryfeminist
Oh good. I was just wondering what Tinker had been up to. I must say, you're really making me worry about him. I have a big soft spot for Tinker. Both of your Tinkers in both of your stories I've been reading.
The obsession with the gem reminds me of the obsession with the One Ring in LotR.
I also suspected that Tinker would have to be meeting Kahiki at some point. I'm wondering how it is that he can hear both ends of her phone conversation, though. She didn't put Eric on speaker phone.
Kahikilani? So she's Lani? I'm sure you didn't put in that clue coincidentally. It makes things make a lot more sense. Neat. I love this.
3theangryfeministOh good. I was just wondering what Tinker had been up to. I must say, you're really making me worry about him. I have a big soft spot for Tinker. Both of your Tinkers in both of your stories I've been reading.
The obsession with the gem reminds me of the obsession with the One Ring in LotR.
I also suspected that Tinker would have to be meeting Kahiki at some point. I'm wondering how it is that he can hear both ends of her phone conversation, though. She didn't put Eric on speaker phone.
Kahikilani? So she's Lani? I'm sure you didn't put in that clue coincidentally. It makes things make a lot more sense. Neat. I love this.
9/14/2003 c26 Amaya
Honestly I think you should also add some more stuff about what happened directly after this, she got married heh? Well then I suppose a lot of time had passed and you can always have more things happen to the characters, things tend to always happen to the same people. Anyway that's all, Bye-bye:p
Honestly I think you should also add some more stuff about what happened directly after this, she got married heh? Well then I suppose a lot of time had passed and you can always have more things happen to the characters, things tend to always happen to the same people. Anyway that's all, Bye-bye:p
9/13/2003 c26 14Storysmith
A beautiful end. Not too abrubt. Wraps everything up. I hate it when things end loose ended. Um...not really any typos. Was Tinker sat down and tinkered with his keys intenitional? That was kinda cute. WEll, they seem to all live happily ever after. i kept expecting some twist. I donno what, just a bit too much suspense reading in me, I guess. I'll be on the lookout for In danger's path. Good job and Good Luck.
14StorysmithA beautiful end. Not too abrubt. Wraps everything up. I hate it when things end loose ended. Um...not really any typos. Was Tinker sat down and tinkered with his keys intenitional? That was kinda cute. WEll, they seem to all live happily ever after. i kept expecting some twist. I donno what, just a bit too much suspense reading in me, I guess. I'll be on the lookout for In danger's path. Good job and Good Luck.