for Vampire Nights3/29/2004 c1 gabrielledpdl
At home among the alley-streets
And the shadows under lampposts,
He awakes at night
To find his little innocent...etc...
I thought that might be a more...logical progression of the stanza. What do you think? I really like your work...I really do. I ought to take the time to write like this...I just don't.
At home among the alley-streets
And the shadows under lampposts,
He awakes at night
To find his little innocent...etc...
I thought that might be a more...logical progression of the stanza. What do you think? I really like your work...I really do. I ought to take the time to write like this...I just don't.
9/16/2003 c1 
1aleppine
Why are vampires so sexy?
For that matter, why are the bad guys ususally so sexy?
I like the way you refer to her (not here :D) as his little 'innocent'. Nameless, simply identified as an adjective. Nice.
His origins ina lleycats lit by lamp posts - I like that. An urban vampire, eh?
'Paradise-fruit' I thought was especially good. It has a very ... traditional classic English (as in England) sound to it. Or maybe that's just me.
Well done on the dark and dangerous.
1aleppineWhy are vampires so sexy?
For that matter, why are the bad guys ususally so sexy?
I like the way you refer to her (not here :D) as his little 'innocent'. Nameless, simply identified as an adjective. Nice.
His origins ina lleycats lit by lamp posts - I like that. An urban vampire, eh?
'Paradise-fruit' I thought was especially good. It has a very ... traditional classic English (as in England) sound to it. Or maybe that's just me.
Well done on the dark and dangerous.
8/7/2003 c1 54Werecat99
I liked this. I did not find it very creepy, just sadly beautiful. And again, I'm a sucker for dark things...
Great poem, I really liked it.
54Werecat99I liked this. I did not find it very creepy, just sadly beautiful. And again, I'm a sucker for dark things...
Great poem, I really liked it.
8/3/2003 c1 22Asmodeus Sanity
paints a picture beautifully morbid...
ur stregnth in this is definately the way the reader can visuallize it...
not 2 say the other points arent good.
i like it all
well, anyways, write more stuf like this...i love this kinda thing, ive wrote a similar poem ...or was it a song... if u wana go chek it out thatd be great = D heh... well, anyway, great job! much love!
-eville kittie
22Asmodeus Sanitypaints a picture beautifully morbid...
ur stregnth in this is definately the way the reader can visuallize it...
not 2 say the other points arent good.
i like it all
well, anyways, write more stuf like this...i love this kinda thing, ive wrote a similar poem ...or was it a song... if u wana go chek it out thatd be great = D heh... well, anyway, great job! much love!
-eville kittie
8/1/2003 c1 15pinkdragon
I loved it! It's violent and beautiful at the same time. I can't manage to write ANYthing about vampires. Wish I could.
15pinkdragonI loved it! It's violent and beautiful at the same time. I can't manage to write ANYthing about vampires. Wish I could.
7/23/2003 c1 1Emberlye
Hey, great poem. Though it was spooky kinda, as you said, I thought it was good. The only thing that confused me, and please correct me, is I was wondering if this poem is about a vampire or a dragon? Are they two in the same? Maybe I'm just confusing myself now. That isn't good. Well, I'm just rambling on. Now, onto the good stuff in reviews. I thought your way to write this poem was very interesting, and yes, a good thing. ^_^ It wasn't like a haiku, or another just ryhming poem, but it was different. And I liked it for that reason. Maybe it is some kind of poetry that I just don't know about. I need to get out more. Or maybe, it was a mixture bewtween poetry and a short story. It did, er, tell the story in a short/poetic way so it would make sense. I doub these, Princess of Short Stories/Poems. Congradulations. ^_^ Don't mind me, I'm stuck in the castle ages. (literally, I came from them as me being a dragon) So anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for the wonderful review. Also, thank you for pointing out my mistake. I will go and change that right away, as soon as I can sit and read through it, yet again, and find it. -_- *sigh* it can hurt to be an author at times. Hey, I also liked how you commented on my thearpist/witch. :D I was laughing so hard. I'll have to talk to Carrie. Oh, and sorry for the name mix up. I was almost done with the chapter when I realized I was using a name from one of Nickel City's stories so I quickly went back and tried to change it. Hopefully it worked out alright.
~_^ Anyway, I've got to go work on some stories some more.
NC: I pray that my last 5 weeks of summer last long. *shutter* I'm not ready for eighth grade...
Aw, it's okay. *pat* *pat* I'm sure we all understand. You're just scared of highschool.
NC:
1EmberlyeHey, great poem. Though it was spooky kinda, as you said, I thought it was good. The only thing that confused me, and please correct me, is I was wondering if this poem is about a vampire or a dragon? Are they two in the same? Maybe I'm just confusing myself now. That isn't good. Well, I'm just rambling on. Now, onto the good stuff in reviews. I thought your way to write this poem was very interesting, and yes, a good thing. ^_^ It wasn't like a haiku, or another just ryhming poem, but it was different. And I liked it for that reason. Maybe it is some kind of poetry that I just don't know about. I need to get out more. Or maybe, it was a mixture bewtween poetry and a short story. It did, er, tell the story in a short/poetic way so it would make sense. I doub these, Princess of Short Stories/Poems. Congradulations. ^_^ Don't mind me, I'm stuck in the castle ages. (literally, I came from them as me being a dragon) So anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for the wonderful review. Also, thank you for pointing out my mistake. I will go and change that right away, as soon as I can sit and read through it, yet again, and find it. -_- *sigh* it can hurt to be an author at times. Hey, I also liked how you commented on my thearpist/witch. :D I was laughing so hard. I'll have to talk to Carrie. Oh, and sorry for the name mix up. I was almost done with the chapter when I realized I was using a name from one of Nickel City's stories so I quickly went back and tried to change it. Hopefully it worked out alright.
~_^ Anyway, I've got to go work on some stories some more.
NC: I pray that my last 5 weeks of summer last long. *shutter* I'm not ready for eighth grade...
Aw, it's okay. *pat* *pat* I'm sure we all understand. You're just scared of highschool.
NC:
7/17/2003 c1 Fog
^_^ I noticed you've been paying particular attention to my stories, so I figured it would be proper to return the favor. I myself haven't read chapter 9 of Red As Blood, (cause phantom wrote it) but I'll be workin on 10 soon.
As to this piece of poetry, it flows well, but rhymes and a constant measure would help. Same amount of syllables per line, that sort of thing. It appears somewhat haphazard and random to the untrained (read: my) eye, and while I'm no expert at poetry whatsoever, it seems like it was written late at night. Oh. It apparently was.
Okay then, it's good. ^^ I liked it. Ima go check out the other stuff now. Thanks for reading!
^_^ I noticed you've been paying particular attention to my stories, so I figured it would be proper to return the favor. I myself haven't read chapter 9 of Red As Blood, (cause phantom wrote it) but I'll be workin on 10 soon.
As to this piece of poetry, it flows well, but rhymes and a constant measure would help. Same amount of syllables per line, that sort of thing. It appears somewhat haphazard and random to the untrained (read: my) eye, and while I'm no expert at poetry whatsoever, it seems like it was written late at night. Oh. It apparently was.
Okay then, it's good. ^^ I liked it. Ima go check out the other stuff now. Thanks for reading!
7/17/2003 c1 4ColorCrayons
it is creepy but also very well written, i liked it a lot. extremely interesting i thought. some of your wording painted a wonderful (i dont think..."wonderful" describes the horror of it) mental image. great job. some of the lines in this one were so great. i will probably remember em.
~color outside the lines~
4ColorCrayonsit is creepy but also very well written, i liked it a lot. extremely interesting i thought. some of your wording painted a wonderful (i dont think..."wonderful" describes the horror of it) mental image. great job. some of the lines in this one were so great. i will probably remember em.
~color outside the lines~
7/16/2003 c1 8Kezkay
HAHA! I found a typo! Thou art human! Yes!
umm...ignore that... (typo, 4th from the last line) I'd like to thank you (pre-emptively) for giving me nightmares of innocent girls with yellow purses...and, oh! of course, vampires... I believe she scared me more that he did...(don't share that with anyone!) Here I thought I was going to bed after reviewing your other poem, but nope! Here I am... A little advice for you: Eat more chocolate.
Oh wait! *nervous laughter*, favorite line: "Like wisps of dreams and paradise-fruit" absolutely perfect! and nice allusions to the dragon-eating-maiden thing. Can you tell I'm tired? I go bed now, -Kez
8KezkayHAHA! I found a typo! Thou art human! Yes!
umm...ignore that... (typo, 4th from the last line) I'd like to thank you (pre-emptively) for giving me nightmares of innocent girls with yellow purses...and, oh! of course, vampires... I believe she scared me more that he did...(don't share that with anyone!) Here I thought I was going to bed after reviewing your other poem, but nope! Here I am... A little advice for you: Eat more chocolate.
Oh wait! *nervous laughter*, favorite line: "Like wisps of dreams and paradise-fruit" absolutely perfect! and nice allusions to the dragon-eating-maiden thing. Can you tell I'm tired? I go bed now, -Kez
7/16/2003 c1 MelodyReiterLee
(I'm not signed in cuz I'm lazy.)
Hmm...this is kinda creepy, but good job. Write more!
(I'm not signed in cuz I'm lazy.)
Hmm...this is kinda creepy, but good job. Write more!
7/15/2003 c1 116Incubabe
Nicely done!
I liked it a lot. Especially the line "Eyes shot silver with seduction" - you can almost see them! Hehe!
Excellent! I really enjoyed it!
Diana x
116IncubabeNicely done!
I liked it a lot. Especially the line "Eyes shot silver with seduction" - you can almost see them! Hehe!
Excellent! I really enjoyed it!
Diana x
7/15/2003 c1 ChichiX
The little details just stuck out to me and made this the most bizarre and creepy yet understandable poem about vampires I've read. It makes sense, but it is so weird somehow. The little yellow purse, his silver eyes, and the rhythm you were going by is somehow very strange. I've never seen it anywhere else, and it's completely different from any I've ever used. It's like that rhythm jolts you out of what the poem's saying, but it draws you into it at the same time.
Like, like a song played in a bizarre, out of key way that creates a completely different song than the way you feel it is supposed to be, and yet there is something new and terrifying about it that makes sense.
The little details just stuck out to me and made this the most bizarre and creepy yet understandable poem about vampires I've read. It makes sense, but it is so weird somehow. The little yellow purse, his silver eyes, and the rhythm you were going by is somehow very strange. I've never seen it anywhere else, and it's completely different from any I've ever used. It's like that rhythm jolts you out of what the poem's saying, but it draws you into it at the same time.
Like, like a song played in a bizarre, out of key way that creates a completely different song than the way you feel it is supposed to be, and yet there is something new and terrifying about it that makes sense.