for untitled4/6/2004 c1 
26Karasu no sei
Oh nice!
One thing though, "took something very dear from me that unfortunately can never be taken back", the word unfortunately is a little passive... you might want something more expressive?
^_^ still cool!
26Karasu no seiOh nice!
One thing though, "took something very dear from me that unfortunately can never be taken back", the word unfortunately is a little passive... you might want something more expressive?
^_^ still cool!
8/8/2003 c1 38Vorhang
I read it, although you said not to :p
It's good. Not a whole lot could/should be changed, mostly things I'd do differently. But then, we obviously write differently, and this isn't one of my unfinished stories :) Minus the small, mostly insignificant nitpicking, I think it's a good story. "Interview With A Vampire"-ish even :p
38VorhangI read it, although you said not to :p
It's good. Not a whole lot could/should be changed, mostly things I'd do differently. But then, we obviously write differently, and this isn't one of my unfinished stories :) Minus the small, mostly insignificant nitpicking, I think it's a good story. "Interview With A Vampire"-ish even :p
7/26/2003 c5 1Malissa Michelle White
Ahh, quite a piece you have here. Here is my critique: although an interesting plot, the development thereof is one to be questioned. It is mainly found in the brief chapters and the absense of true details. You develop your characters by using the scene around them, but it often loses sight when the scene is quite confusing. Also, the setting isn't a convincing one, so you might want to go into more detail about that. In all, just fill 'er up! This is not a flame! Just some constructive criticism.
On the whole, I believe it has potential to be a truly exciting story.
*Azerix
P.S: Thanks for the review! It really meant alot that my poetry, although said to be a rant, has the ability to reach someone.
1Malissa Michelle WhiteAhh, quite a piece you have here. Here is my critique: although an interesting plot, the development thereof is one to be questioned. It is mainly found in the brief chapters and the absense of true details. You develop your characters by using the scene around them, but it often loses sight when the scene is quite confusing. Also, the setting isn't a convincing one, so you might want to go into more detail about that. In all, just fill 'er up! This is not a flame! Just some constructive criticism.
On the whole, I believe it has potential to be a truly exciting story.
*Azerix
P.S: Thanks for the review! It really meant alot that my poetry, although said to be a rant, has the ability to reach someone.