for Night of Fire12/15/2003 c1 
17zamnath
The picture you paint in my mind doesn't become clear until about your second stanza, but that's no big deal. It might be more interesting to read if you had given the poem a more concrete structure. I'd also suggest taken out two words from each line, see what it does, cause right now each line seems a bit long winded. You might also want to replace some of your adjectives with more interesting choices, such as replacing "floating across" with "tapering out" or something similar to create a greater sense of the comets dissipating nature. That's about all i can think of that you could change, it might help and it might not- this is not meant to be a flame but instead a guide to help you examine your own writing and improve upon it. On a side note, as you seem open about reviewing, i would like to ask you to review my poem "the death of the mistress." It has gotten one review but that was more a response to a review i had given than a concerted effort at helping me to improve my form.
17zamnathThe picture you paint in my mind doesn't become clear until about your second stanza, but that's no big deal. It might be more interesting to read if you had given the poem a more concrete structure. I'd also suggest taken out two words from each line, see what it does, cause right now each line seems a bit long winded. You might also want to replace some of your adjectives with more interesting choices, such as replacing "floating across" with "tapering out" or something similar to create a greater sense of the comets dissipating nature. That's about all i can think of that you could change, it might help and it might not- this is not meant to be a flame but instead a guide to help you examine your own writing and improve upon it. On a side note, as you seem open about reviewing, i would like to ask you to review my poem "the death of the mistress." It has gotten one review but that was more a response to a review i had given than a concerted effort at helping me to improve my form.
12/9/2003 c1 3Prowling Muse
... I am currently thankful for the pressure of our outer atmosphere. Who knew that a shooting star signified the struggle to stay in existence?
-_-; I didn't..
3Prowling Muse... I am currently thankful for the pressure of our outer atmosphere. Who knew that a shooting star signified the struggle to stay in existence?
-_-; I didn't..
8/7/2003 c1 106cosmo-queen
My my, you have so many new pieces for me to read! This poem was very good, you described the journey of a meteor in an original and descriptive manner. Great imagery!
*cosmo-queen*
106cosmo-queenMy my, you have so many new pieces for me to read! This poem was very good, you described the journey of a meteor in an original and descriptive manner. Great imagery!
*cosmo-queen*
7/28/2003 c1 PainKiller
A truly monumental work of yours... I really loved this. The wording was fantastic. Glad to see you back writing such amazing poetry.
A truly monumental work of yours... I really loved this. The wording was fantastic. Glad to see you back writing such amazing poetry.
7/26/2003 c1 47Anjeni Windsinger
I meant to review this for some time now... Bah, I hate it when I procrastinate.
Beautiful poem, Heart, great descriptions. ;D
Keep writing!
47Anjeni WindsingerI meant to review this for some time now... Bah, I hate it when I procrastinate.
Beautiful poem, Heart, great descriptions. ;D
Keep writing!
7/24/2003 c1 89Stoffpferd
Wow, I just returned yesterday from my short vacation...and again you left me marvel. I love that picture drawing in my mind while reading this masterpiece of yours. Again an awesome job!
~Stoffpferd~
89StoffpferdWow, I just returned yesterday from my short vacation...and again you left me marvel. I love that picture drawing in my mind while reading this masterpiece of yours. Again an awesome job!
~Stoffpferd~
7/21/2003 c1 11XtremelyDeepGrl
The imagery in this is magnificant. My favorite part has to be the ending. "We look up and see what is left to our eyes
All that remains is a mere shooting star" Great job!
Thanx for the response...
11XtremelyDeepGrlThe imagery in this is magnificant. My favorite part has to be the ending. "We look up and see what is left to our eyes
All that remains is a mere shooting star" Great job!
Thanx for the response...