for Heroine7/2/2004 c21 halloran
I have no idea whether or not this story is written from experience or not. A part of me assumes that it has to be, because there were moments, when reading it, that I was struck numb by how closely you depicted what I have felt, the darkness I have known. Somehow, I survived, and you've reminded me-perfectly, poetically-of all that could have been. thanks for this.
I have no idea whether or not this story is written from experience or not. A part of me assumes that it has to be, because there were moments, when reading it, that I was struck numb by how closely you depicted what I have felt, the darkness I have known. Somehow, I survived, and you've reminded me-perfectly, poetically-of all that could have been. thanks for this.
7/26/2003 c1 Lindsey
Miss Abbykins, that was absolutely wonderful. It's very good, though I'm not much of a writer's critic. But, everyone loves positive feedback.
Miss Abbykins, that was absolutely wonderful. It's very good, though I'm not much of a writer's critic. But, everyone loves positive feedback.
7/26/2003 c21 danny
I like it. My main criticism: your language is really really well-crafted towards the beginning, and that kind of trails off. Maybe that's intentional (it would be a bit appropriate), but the reader ends up missing it. Also, the ending might bear a little work. First off, it isn't exactly clear that her friends are literally dead until you get to the part about Adam. And second, seeing your own dead body and realizing you are dead is a bit of a groaner ending. But this is just advice. On the whole, I am very impressed, and the first chapter could be a story all by itself.
I like it. My main criticism: your language is really really well-crafted towards the beginning, and that kind of trails off. Maybe that's intentional (it would be a bit appropriate), but the reader ends up missing it. Also, the ending might bear a little work. First off, it isn't exactly clear that her friends are literally dead until you get to the part about Adam. And second, seeing your own dead body and realizing you are dead is a bit of a groaner ending. But this is just advice. On the whole, I am very impressed, and the first chapter could be a story all by itself.