for Guilt10/15/2004 c1 
7Yemaya
Very good, powerful short story. The description is good essecially the descriptions of David and his thoughts. The drowning seems strange, esspecially since we don't know what David's 'crime' was. The mention of all the possible distractions, all the other choices makes it seem worse, there are so many alternatives to suicide. The way he shrugs off the distractions and can't even enjoy a sunset, makes you pity him. Good piece.
7YemayaVery good, powerful short story. The description is good essecially the descriptions of David and his thoughts. The drowning seems strange, esspecially since we don't know what David's 'crime' was. The mention of all the possible distractions, all the other choices makes it seem worse, there are so many alternatives to suicide. The way he shrugs off the distractions and can't even enjoy a sunset, makes you pity him. Good piece.
11/12/2003 c1 pieces
Odd, and rather difficult to follow, but I love it nonetheless. It's very sedated, very mellow, and at the same time powerful enough to make a person think. I'm impressed, keep writing.
~Gabby
Odd, and rather difficult to follow, but I love it nonetheless. It's very sedated, very mellow, and at the same time powerful enough to make a person think. I'm impressed, keep writing.
~Gabby
8/25/2003 c1 7Demeter Rose
Very nice story. I like how you made David a sympathetic character even while you were hinting that he might be someone that society has no sympathy for.
7Demeter RoseVery nice story. I like how you made David a sympathetic character even while you were hinting that he might be someone that society has no sympathy for.
8/24/2003 c1 37Sunflower Philosophy
I usually don't like to read horror stories, or anything that ends like this one, because it reminds me of myself at a certain point... but this was very well written. A little obscure about the little boy, I think you should have elaborated a little more.
By the way, the long sentences were written that way specifically and for a reason. My other stories aren't written like that... I know it's confusing, and that's the effect I was intending- to understand the wild and panicky thoughts one goes through watching someone close to them go through something like that.
Whatever. I can't help but say this: You live in Edinburgh? *bites lip* *gulps* The person I most want to meet in the world lives there... go ahead and laugh, it's J. K. Rowling.
Anyway, this was very well written- your descriptions are vivid.
m~* Sunflower, anyone?
37Sunflower PhilosophyI usually don't like to read horror stories, or anything that ends like this one, because it reminds me of myself at a certain point... but this was very well written. A little obscure about the little boy, I think you should have elaborated a little more.
By the way, the long sentences were written that way specifically and for a reason. My other stories aren't written like that... I know it's confusing, and that's the effect I was intending- to understand the wild and panicky thoughts one goes through watching someone close to them go through something like that.
Whatever. I can't help but say this: You live in Edinburgh? *bites lip* *gulps* The person I most want to meet in the world lives there... go ahead and laugh, it's J. K. Rowling.
Anyway, this was very well written- your descriptions are vivid.
m~* Sunflower, anyone?
8/14/2003 c1 IrishVampire13
Hi; thanks for the review. :-)
Interesting that you compare the story to Monty Python; I've never seen any Pythonesque stuff, so any similarities are entirely accidental, lol!
Thanks again. Peace!
Hi; thanks for the review. :-)
Interesting that you compare the story to Monty Python; I've never seen any Pythonesque stuff, so any similarities are entirely accidental, lol!
Thanks again. Peace!
7/26/2003 c1 AVIGON
Lovely, really.
Is David what I think he is? (can you read minds for that matter? cause if you can't, this is a silly question)
Lovely, really.
Is David what I think he is? (can you read minds for that matter? cause if you can't, this is a silly question)
7/24/2003 c1 Devonny
o nice...
o nice...