for Missed Chance8/1/2004 c1 
52Liviania
Sad...but Lynn sounds like half the people I know. Which is probably even sadder. Nicely written, well edited.
Livi
52LivianiaSad...but Lynn sounds like half the people I know. Which is probably even sadder. Nicely written, well edited.
Livi
5/23/2004 c1 26pneumothorax
about this: "I like, but there were a few points. 1) Show, don't tell, in the beginning. 2) Length- this looks like it has the potential to get longer."
1. there was no problem with explaining the situation. it worked well and read brilliantly. it was interesting throughout and explaining the situation worked well because we all knew what was happening. it didn't seem out of place.
2. while it was a sad ending, i'm glad you havent continued it - it works well as a 1-off piece. it leaves the mind to wander although, personally, I don't think anything would happen (maybe because that's the way you wrote it). anyhow, poersonally, i really enjoyed it.
- random review.
26pneumothoraxabout this: "I like, but there were a few points. 1) Show, don't tell, in the beginning. 2) Length- this looks like it has the potential to get longer."
1. there was no problem with explaining the situation. it worked well and read brilliantly. it was interesting throughout and explaining the situation worked well because we all knew what was happening. it didn't seem out of place.
2. while it was a sad ending, i'm glad you havent continued it - it works well as a 1-off piece. it leaves the mind to wander although, personally, I don't think anything would happen (maybe because that's the way you wrote it). anyhow, poersonally, i really enjoyed it.
- random review.
5/16/2004 c1 40Jareth the Monk
Well written, it seems as if teenagers still have the same problems now as they always did. Makes you wonder, did teenagers in Victorian England or even ancient Rome go through the same series of growing pains and feelings of insecurity, embarassment, and anger as we do now, or did we learn it from what we've read or seen in movies until we are expected to act this way?
I was a late bloomer as a teenager, and I didn't start noticing girls until I was well into high school. Yes, I was sixteen once, too. Anyway, I also avoided parties and dances (even though I love music), and so maybe I never experienced a situation like what you wrote about, therefore I can't accurately say that this is the way life is for a teenager normally.
The writing style is no-frills, straight ahead teen angst. Not too descriptive, almost stream-of-consciousness. Would you consider re-writing it from the first person point of view?
40Jareth the MonkWell written, it seems as if teenagers still have the same problems now as they always did. Makes you wonder, did teenagers in Victorian England or even ancient Rome go through the same series of growing pains and feelings of insecurity, embarassment, and anger as we do now, or did we learn it from what we've read or seen in movies until we are expected to act this way?
I was a late bloomer as a teenager, and I didn't start noticing girls until I was well into high school. Yes, I was sixteen once, too. Anyway, I also avoided parties and dances (even though I love music), and so maybe I never experienced a situation like what you wrote about, therefore I can't accurately say that this is the way life is for a teenager normally.
The writing style is no-frills, straight ahead teen angst. Not too descriptive, almost stream-of-consciousness. Would you consider re-writing it from the first person point of view?
1/4/2004 c1 Lady Seraph
Wow, that was really sad. It was well written too. I spotted a few spelling & grammar errors but otherwise it's awesome! I feel so bad for Brendan, and Lynn. It really touched me. I was this close to crying. Any chance of a second part where she get's her second chance? Maybe? :)
Wow, that was really sad. It was well written too. I spotted a few spelling & grammar errors but otherwise it's awesome! I feel so bad for Brendan, and Lynn. It really touched me. I was this close to crying. Any chance of a second part where she get's her second chance? Maybe? :)
12/5/2003 c1 199Saeger
This was really sad- you sad it would be at the end, though. It reminds me of some other things I've read, but that's not uncommon. A lot of things remind me of stuff. This was good, though. You did really well on showing what the characters felt, and how a normal person would react in real life in the same situations. I liked it- and I'd appreciate it if you added another chapter. ^_^
199SaegerThis was really sad- you sad it would be at the end, though. It reminds me of some other things I've read, but that's not uncommon. A lot of things remind me of stuff. This was good, though. You did really well on showing what the characters felt, and how a normal person would react in real life in the same situations. I liked it- and I'd appreciate it if you added another chapter. ^_^
11/10/2003 c1 Sir Keilah
I don't know, it's an interesting story. i guess show and don't tell so much, it makes the story go smoother if the reader is left to figure some stuff out. good story, all your writing is interesting. keep it up.
I don't know, it's an interesting story. i guess show and don't tell so much, it makes the story go smoother if the reader is left to figure some stuff out. good story, all your writing is interesting. keep it up.
10/14/2003 c1 21VelvetHaven
Aw, this is so sad! I like it though. Very good. If you want to make it more powerful, you could not be obvious with some stuff.For example: Leave it up to the reader to decide she hates smoking by her cringing;don't come out and say she hates it.Other than that it's great and I love it.
21VelvetHavenAw, this is so sad! I like it though. Very good. If you want to make it more powerful, you could not be obvious with some stuff.For example: Leave it up to the reader to decide she hates smoking by her cringing;don't come out and say she hates it.Other than that it's great and I love it.
8/8/2003 c1 8to advertise here call 1800
First of all, thanks a lot for reviewing pollen! Up until now i havent really gotten the chance to do a lot of reading, but i came across this and i really liked it. It reminds me of gone with the wind (dunno if you've read it), but this is like a modern day version. Anyway, since its a short story, i cant tell you to continue (although i wish i could). The point is its really good, well developed plot and just keep writing!
8to advertise here call 1800First of all, thanks a lot for reviewing pollen! Up until now i havent really gotten the chance to do a lot of reading, but i came across this and i really liked it. It reminds me of gone with the wind (dunno if you've read it), but this is like a modern day version. Anyway, since its a short story, i cant tell you to continue (although i wish i could). The point is its really good, well developed plot and just keep writing!
7/31/2003 c1 No7h1ng
aww tragedy! poor Brendan... Lynn is a little obsessed I'm thinking. I am also thinking that you should continue this story ^_^ hehehe because I highly approve.
aww tragedy! poor Brendan... Lynn is a little obsessed I'm thinking. I am also thinking that you should continue this story ^_^ hehehe because I highly approve.
7/28/2003 c1 18Mockingbirdflyaway
this sounds hauntingly familiar...:s
it reminds me of an experience I had with my best friend Brandon a few months ago...*sigh*
18Mockingbirdflyawaythis sounds hauntingly familiar...:s
it reminds me of an experience I had with my best friend Brandon a few months ago...*sigh*
7/28/2003 c1 96AutumnRhapsody
Yeah, that is really sad. But it's good. A couple typos, but that's it. Is there ever gonna be more?
96AutumnRhapsodyYeah, that is really sad. But it's good. A couple typos, but that's it. Is there ever gonna be more?
7/26/2003 c1 Kyalia
I like, but there were a few points. 1) Show, don't tell, in the beginning. 2) Length- this looks like it has the potential to get longer.
I like, but there were a few points. 1) Show, don't tell, in the beginning. 2) Length- this looks like it has the potential to get longer.