for NonStop Jaunting11/24/2003 c5 
2BLARGH00000009
Noo Marylin! Poor Greg. . . you've written this so well, I feel so sorry for the poor guy.
2BLARGH00000009Noo Marylin! Poor Greg. . . you've written this so well, I feel so sorry for the poor guy.
11/24/2003 c4 BLARGH00000009
I don't even know how to say all of the ways in which this was just incredibly GOOD, but it was. The emotion, I guess, is a way I could put it, but that sounds so flat compared to what it really was. But it was good. That's definitely a given.
I don't even know how to say all of the ways in which this was just incredibly GOOD, but it was. The emotion, I guess, is a way I could put it, but that sounds so flat compared to what it really was. But it was good. That's definitely a given.
10/12/2003 c5 5Aake Redfield
Very sentimental piece of work. You develop your characters very well and it shows drastically in this chapter. We see the Greg we never expected to see and I assume why this was the hardest part into writing this. Amazing and powerful work once again. Hoping to see more!
5Aake RedfieldVery sentimental piece of work. You develop your characters very well and it shows drastically in this chapter. We see the Greg we never expected to see and I assume why this was the hardest part into writing this. Amazing and powerful work once again. Hoping to see more!
10/12/2003 c4 Aake Redfield
"The window, which I noticed was tightly closed by now from Marilyn, the worn-out wallpaper, and pissed-off drawer with the pointy edges that eyed me in the dark, was my whole jury."
Wow. I love this. That's the thing with this story, your descriptions are so good and enjoyable to read, and your comparisons so true, I just can't ignore the fact that this is truly amazing. You mixed the very dramatic with quick humour beautifully, proving you once more as a great writer. Excellent chapter!
"The window, which I noticed was tightly closed by now from Marilyn, the worn-out wallpaper, and pissed-off drawer with the pointy edges that eyed me in the dark, was my whole jury."
Wow. I love this. That's the thing with this story, your descriptions are so good and enjoyable to read, and your comparisons so true, I just can't ignore the fact that this is truly amazing. You mixed the very dramatic with quick humour beautifully, proving you once more as a great writer. Excellent chapter!
10/12/2003 c3 Aake Redfield
Alright, here we go. For quite some time, I did not have the time to review, sorry about that, so now's the time.
Chapter 3. I like that ambience. It's so visual and real, the songs, the bar atphosphere, everything couldn't be any better. Awesome job once again.
Alright, here we go. For quite some time, I did not have the time to review, sorry about that, so now's the time.
Chapter 3. I like that ambience. It's so visual and real, the songs, the bar atphosphere, everything couldn't be any better. Awesome job once again.
8/11/2003 c5 7Exanther
Heya! returning the review favor! I really like the story! Greg is cute, and i feel srry for him. Poor Guy
7ExantherHeya! returning the review favor! I really like the story! Greg is cute, and i feel srry for him. Poor Guy
8/7/2003 c5 Our Behemoth
RU THIS IS GETTING EXCITING XD
'Standing there, I felt my knees wobble like that gelatin shit your great Aunt use to make for the reunions. '
I love Greg. I feel sorry for him. ;.;
RU THIS IS GETTING EXCITING XD
'Standing there, I felt my knees wobble like that gelatin shit your great Aunt use to make for the reunions. '
I love Greg. I feel sorry for him. ;.;
8/7/2003 c3 Our Behemoth
Oh, I liked this chapter. DAVID BOWIE IS SCARY.
Anyway, the last sentence left me interested, so I'm off to read the next chapter! Not that I wouldn't read it anyway...XD
Oh, I liked this chapter. DAVID BOWIE IS SCARY.
Anyway, the last sentence left me interested, so I'm off to read the next chapter! Not that I wouldn't read it anyway...XD
8/7/2003 c2 Our Behemoth
'I always tell her that every time I see her, because I haven't seen a better looking woman ever, well, aside my wife, anyways, who was of course number one in the Gregory countdown. '
XD RAWR. And I like how he hung out with the Madisons, too. Ahh, I am angry because I can't make characters this...characteristic. XD! Ruu. MUST GO ON.
'I always tell her that every time I see her, because I haven't seen a better looking woman ever, well, aside my wife, anyways, who was of course number one in the Gregory countdown. '
XD RAWR. And I like how he hung out with the Madisons, too. Ahh, I am angry because I can't make characters this...characteristic. XD! Ruu. MUST GO ON.
8/2/2003 c1 2Mick-Collins-IRB
'scuse me, I meant we need more "show-ers" not "tellers". I just woke up, what can I say...
2Mick-Collins-IRB'scuse me, I meant we need more "show-ers" not "tellers". I just woke up, what can I say...
8/2/2003 c2 Mick-Collins-IRB
This is great. I love all the incongruous details you use to get people to empathize with the characters. The thing that stood out most to me was the Madisons leaving ashtrays around solely for the protagonist. It's safe to say you have *mastered* showing versus telling, something most people on this site have difficulty time with.
That said, I would be careful with this literary form in the future. It seems to be a whole lot of action all strung together. I think it works in this particular instance, but it could seem too long or rambling to some. I ususally like to break up the action with factual interludes...but thats just me, there are plenty of ways to give the reader a mental break and regain their focus.
Great story! Please keep on writing, we need more "tellers" around here.
This is great. I love all the incongruous details you use to get people to empathize with the characters. The thing that stood out most to me was the Madisons leaving ashtrays around solely for the protagonist. It's safe to say you have *mastered* showing versus telling, something most people on this site have difficulty time with.
That said, I would be careful with this literary form in the future. It seems to be a whole lot of action all strung together. I think it works in this particular instance, but it could seem too long or rambling to some. I ususally like to break up the action with factual interludes...but thats just me, there are plenty of ways to give the reader a mental break and regain their focus.
Great story! Please keep on writing, we need more "tellers" around here.
7/28/2003 c2 2BLARGH00000009
I like the relationship you're forming with the Madisons. . . how they're younger but are still obviously who he'd much rather hang out with, because of who they are. I think it's good that you made that obvious.
2BLARGH00000009I like the relationship you're forming with the Madisons. . . how they're younger but are still obviously who he'd much rather hang out with, because of who they are. I think it's good that you made that obvious.
7/26/2003 c1 2Esay
You are certainly pretty good! The story is a bit dark and very moody which makes you want to keep reading. While there are several grammar errors its nothing too noticable. Love the way you string your words togeather, kind of playing with your sentences, its great! One grip though, its fine to swear DAMMIT! But it disrupted the flow for me at times. Great stuff! Keep it coming.
2EsayYou are certainly pretty good! The story is a bit dark and very moody which makes you want to keep reading. While there are several grammar errors its nothing too noticable. Love the way you string your words togeather, kind of playing with your sentences, its great! One grip though, its fine to swear DAMMIT! But it disrupted the flow for me at times. Great stuff! Keep it coming.
7/26/2003 c2 5Aake Redfield
Another excellent chapter. The way you transform the reality of a seemingly typical Pittsburgh man into something so well detailed and enjoyable to read is truly a gift. I can't wait until the next one appears. Great work!
5Aake RedfieldAnother excellent chapter. The way you transform the reality of a seemingly typical Pittsburgh man into something so well detailed and enjoyable to read is truly a gift. I can't wait until the next one appears. Great work!