for Keep Trying12/5/2004 c1 
1The baava Project
Hello! I'm just out browsing FP and came across this in one of the featured spots. ^_^
I have one suggestion. [you should be aware that it is a tale of deep sadness, and he leaves behind a family who loved him dearly, and {will} miss him enormously.]
That was just a small nitpick, hee.
Um, okay! I almost want to giggle at the thought of Jonathan's "lost opportunity." This, so far, is wonderfully written, and it alerady shows quite a bit into Jonathan. I'm worried at what you have written in the following chapters. ^_~
ja ne!LoK
1The baava ProjectHello! I'm just out browsing FP and came across this in one of the featured spots. ^_^
I have one suggestion. [you should be aware that it is a tale of deep sadness, and he leaves behind a family who loved him dearly, and {will} miss him enormously.]
That was just a small nitpick, hee.
Um, okay! I almost want to giggle at the thought of Jonathan's "lost opportunity." This, so far, is wonderfully written, and it alerady shows quite a bit into Jonathan. I'm worried at what you have written in the following chapters. ^_~
ja ne!LoK
9/20/2003 c3 7Demeter Rose
Oh! Dark humor, I love it. Poor guy, could anything else have gone wrong! Adn everything that happened seemed plausible and believable.
7Demeter RoseOh! Dark humor, I love it. Poor guy, could anything else have gone wrong! Adn everything that happened seemed plausible and believable.
9/5/2003 c3 54Werecat99
Of course. There was a mix up with the tests. Lol!
That was one brilliant story.
54Werecat99Of course. There was a mix up with the tests. Lol!
That was one brilliant story.
9/5/2003 c1 Werecat99
That was a powerful first chapter, especially the transition from ignorance to the painful knowledge.
And I certainly loved the way he was stolen from his "exit". Good one.
That was a powerful first chapter, especially the transition from ignorance to the painful knowledge.
And I certainly loved the way he was stolen from his "exit". Good one.
8/4/2003 c3 AVIGON
Poor sod. The ending was a bit predictable, but I must say, I enjoyed reading this story.
Poor sod. The ending was a bit predictable, but I must say, I enjoyed reading this story.
8/3/2003 c3 6Strider Hunter
Such a cruel fate. And after so much time and effort on Jonathan's part, too. I can feel how miserable he was, toiling to go through with his plans but eventually failing in the end.
An overall comment, I liked how there was no dialogue in this entire story, except for the end. It added to the feeling of isolation that pervaded this period in Jonathan's life.
Well done, I hope to read more from you.
6Strider HunterSuch a cruel fate. And after so much time and effort on Jonathan's part, too. I can feel how miserable he was, toiling to go through with his plans but eventually failing in the end.
An overall comment, I liked how there was no dialogue in this entire story, except for the end. It added to the feeling of isolation that pervaded this period in Jonathan's life.
Well done, I hope to read more from you.
7/31/2003 c1 Strider Hunter
Amusing, that's for certain. Well written, well edited...a combination not commonly found on this website. This chapter alone could very well have been a stand-alone story.
I look forward to seeing how Jonathan will put an end to it all, if ever.
Amusing, that's for certain. Well written, well edited...a combination not commonly found on this website. This chapter alone could very well have been a stand-alone story.
I look forward to seeing how Jonathan will put an end to it all, if ever.
7/26/2003 c1 AVIGON
This is really good, and really humorous. I'm dying (no pun intended, wouldn't want to make the poor Mr Porter jealous now would we?) to read more. The style fits the story, the paragraphing and punctuation are just right... Bring on the rest.
This is really good, and really humorous. I'm dying (no pun intended, wouldn't want to make the poor Mr Porter jealous now would we?) to read more. The style fits the story, the paragraphing and punctuation are just right... Bring on the rest.