for shadow8/2/2003 c1 
13avidelecteur
Pretty good. Um, I don't know what to say exactly, so, well, there are a few typos (e.g. pail instead of pale) and grammatical errors (e.g. Forcing its way down his throat.- that's not a whole sentence.) but other than that it's good. Oh, and I wouldn't use "SLAM!" as your interjection (or whatever it's called) here, because you use it in the sentence after next and it's kind of overused sounding. Try "Bam!" or "Blam!" instead maybe.
13avidelecteurPretty good. Um, I don't know what to say exactly, so, well, there are a few typos (e.g. pail instead of pale) and grammatical errors (e.g. Forcing its way down his throat.- that's not a whole sentence.) but other than that it's good. Oh, and I wouldn't use "SLAM!" as your interjection (or whatever it's called) here, because you use it in the sentence after next and it's kind of overused sounding. Try "Bam!" or "Blam!" instead maybe.