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for 14th day

7/29/2003 c1 4foxdance
Hmm, I'm your first reviewer, so I'll make it thorough. Let's see... Your premise for this story is fascinating. Your first few paragraphs (the prologue?) were absolutely riveting. But yeah, you are a wee bit out of practice, your 'flashback' sequence could use some more work. It's quite vague and needs a heavier layer of tension. But it's not so bad; over all you're doing pretty fine, considering this is only your default chapter. Anyway, keep writing. Ja ne~


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