for Ice's Hearts8/22/2003 c4 
77ForgottenMists
La di da. I think perhaps it would be better to put this into the actual story, or condense it and make all the historical stuffs one chapter. I dunno, but it was still well-written.
77ForgottenMistsLa di da. I think perhaps it would be better to put this into the actual story, or condense it and make all the historical stuffs one chapter. I dunno, but it was still well-written.
8/22/2003 c2 ForgottenMists
Interesting. Melikes your style of writing. I don't really think it was too dense, but then that may be just me. Melikes.
Interesting. Melikes your style of writing. I don't really think it was too dense, but then that may be just me. Melikes.
8/22/2003 c1 ForgottenMists
I love the prologue, mostly because I can very much relate to that feeling. I think everyone can, but I do think you need to actually describe the feeling. Of course, I probably can't really describe it, so... Anyway, off to read the next chapter.
I love the prologue, mostly because I can very much relate to that feeling. I think everyone can, but I do think you need to actually describe the feeling. Of course, I probably can't really describe it, so... Anyway, off to read the next chapter.
8/13/2003 c4 4MiroFTW
well im going to have to give my honest opinion. im sorry if i offend you or anything but im going to say it straight out- this is boring.
i begin with the first prologue. you did a good job into opening the story, but you never "show us (the reader)" why everyone's so sad.. you just say their sad but theres no real sympathy.
the first chapter came along ok. theres a phrase that writers used call "show not tell". you tell us he history but why dont you show some effects of it and how it affected some other ppl, not just these ppl living in antartica. i like the history but dont stretch out too far. at times its too hard to bear so much info. theres too much terms such as the hunger wars, continents, and etc that it becomes unbearable to realize how they fit in. you pushed the history in too fast...essentially you might want to tie the history into the story a little slower.
the second chapter - again it talks about the governments and how they came to be. fit this in the story a little slower as too much "telling". its just like a data dump that you want to get across.. but i believe by tying it into the story, things will be a lot less dry.
im still waiting for a plot to develop. and maybe this is why i think its boring. but your writing style is your own and i can only make these few suggestions and give you my honest opinon. good luck on your story and thanks for the review.
4MiroFTWwell im going to have to give my honest opinion. im sorry if i offend you or anything but im going to say it straight out- this is boring.
i begin with the first prologue. you did a good job into opening the story, but you never "show us (the reader)" why everyone's so sad.. you just say their sad but theres no real sympathy.
the first chapter came along ok. theres a phrase that writers used call "show not tell". you tell us he history but why dont you show some effects of it and how it affected some other ppl, not just these ppl living in antartica. i like the history but dont stretch out too far. at times its too hard to bear so much info. theres too much terms such as the hunger wars, continents, and etc that it becomes unbearable to realize how they fit in. you pushed the history in too fast...essentially you might want to tie the history into the story a little slower.
the second chapter - again it talks about the governments and how they came to be. fit this in the story a little slower as too much "telling". its just like a data dump that you want to get across.. but i believe by tying it into the story, things will be a lot less dry.
im still waiting for a plot to develop. and maybe this is why i think its boring. but your writing style is your own and i can only make these few suggestions and give you my honest opinon. good luck on your story and thanks for the review.
7/31/2003 c1 11M.D. Cantine
Well, the story isn't done quite yet (expect at least ten to fifteen more chapters) so the end will make more sense over time. Thanks for reviewing, Amy!
11M.D. CantineWell, the story isn't done quite yet (expect at least ten to fifteen more chapters) so the end will make more sense over time. Thanks for reviewing, Amy!
7/31/2003 c1 Amy
It is a really good story and it is very well written. It is hard to believe a story like this came from someone who just turned 13 years old today! I do think that there should be more to the end, you should maybe add some more to the story. It just kind of drops off at the end. However, the beginning and the middle of the story are very good.
It is a really good story and it is very well written. It is hard to believe a story like this came from someone who just turned 13 years old today! I do think that there should be more to the end, you should maybe add some more to the story. It just kind of drops off at the end. However, the beginning and the middle of the story are very good.