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8/12/2003 c1 4ColorCrayons
this is really really interesting and i LOVE the idea of it. maybe just a tiny bit more detail would be nice. other than that, great job

~color outside the lines~
8/3/2003 c1 20aviatrix
your use of onomatopoeia is effective. this might work better in story format; it's a bit long and rhythmless to work as a poem. also, consider breaking the poem up into stanzas; it's difficult to read such a long, interrupted reel of text. there's a few spelling errors as well. good on the whole, though.
8/1/2003 c1 7Gabrielle Debrette
That was sad, hopeful, it was good, I was in the mood for somthing like that!

The one, the only

Talee Black or Gabrielle Debrette here!

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