for Fallen Leaves of Blood10/14/2003 c2 
3Katiefoolery
I'm going to be blunt here - your story has me rapt. Absolutely rapt. I can't stop to write much here because I have to read on. . .
3KatiefooleryI'm going to be blunt here - your story has me rapt. Absolutely rapt. I can't stop to write much here because I have to read on. . .
10/14/2003 c1 Katiefoolery
Oh, this is good. I was really settling into this, like I do when I've decided the book I'm reading is REALLY GOOD. The atmosphere is just right and I love the name of the inn. You're certainly in control when you write. I felt like I was there, leaning forward, impatient for Asa to speak!
Oh, this is good. I was really settling into this, like I do when I've decided the book I'm reading is REALLY GOOD. The atmosphere is just right and I love the name of the inn. You're certainly in control when you write. I felt like I was there, leaning forward, impatient for Asa to speak!
9/30/2003 c7 11M.D. Cantine
Yay. This is great. I could never write anyhting like this. The charries are well drawn. I hate Ferret, he should be killed.
Write more, now.
11M.D. CantineYay. This is great. I could never write anyhting like this. The charries are well drawn. I hate Ferret, he should be killed.
Write more, now.
9/13/2003 c6 M.D. Cantine
This is always good. Alwaysalwaysalways. This is your best, in my own, very humble opinion.
This is always good. Alwaysalwaysalways. This is your best, in my own, very humble opinion.
9/4/2003 c1 M.D. Cantine
See, in the story, Oliver asks for more porridge and gets yelled at and thrown out and stuffs...
See, in the story, Oliver asks for more porridge and gets yelled at and thrown out and stuffs...
9/3/2003 c2 ForgottenMists at da libary
I do get your strange logic, and I thought of that after replying to your review. Think what you will. Anyway, it makes me happy that you say that, because I like people making guesses about my story. A story where the end is obvious is icky.
No, sadly I didn't get your Oliver Twist joke. Explain?
I do get your strange logic, and I thought of that after replying to your review. Think what you will. Anyway, it makes me happy that you say that, because I like people making guesses about my story. A story where the end is obvious is icky.
No, sadly I didn't get your Oliver Twist joke. Explain?
9/3/2003 c5 M.D. Cantine
See... if the king of the South was gone for 30 years, and the king was Dad, then he could have been raising a family and such during those years. See my strange logic?
Oh. Very interesting. More, please. *cowers in fear* I haven't even read Oliver Twist...
(If you got that last paragraph, you are amazing.)
See... if the king of the South was gone for 30 years, and the king was Dad, then he could have been raising a family and such during those years. See my strange logic?
Oh. Very interesting. More, please. *cowers in fear* I haven't even read Oliver Twist...
(If you got that last paragraph, you are amazing.)
9/2/2003 c4 Snarks
Very detailed. You have your cities and country very well planned out. I'm jealous. *grins* I usually wait and do that until I'm finished with a story. Which is why my settings are always . . . lacking.
Anyway, I didn't see anything that needed repair. Only, don't write a number, spell it out. You used "10" in this chapter, it looks better when you write out "ten." Other than that, everything looks peachy.
Your characters are well developed though Vul seemed a bit . . . I'm not sure. I had a different impression of him in the second chapter, someone far older and brawnier. Then, in the third chapter I realized he wasn't much older than Asa. More clarifiction might be needed then. Or else I wasn't paying attention. *laughs*
Anyway, good luck to you. And thanks for the review on "Sing the Stones." Hopefully, Charay will be just spoiled enough. *grins* I'm working on the second chapter and if fp.com ever works again, I'll upload.
Mata ne!
Wootang
Very detailed. You have your cities and country very well planned out. I'm jealous. *grins* I usually wait and do that until I'm finished with a story. Which is why my settings are always . . . lacking.
Anyway, I didn't see anything that needed repair. Only, don't write a number, spell it out. You used "10" in this chapter, it looks better when you write out "ten." Other than that, everything looks peachy.
Your characters are well developed though Vul seemed a bit . . . I'm not sure. I had a different impression of him in the second chapter, someone far older and brawnier. Then, in the third chapter I realized he wasn't much older than Asa. More clarifiction might be needed then. Or else I wasn't paying attention. *laughs*
Anyway, good luck to you. And thanks for the review on "Sing the Stones." Hopefully, Charay will be just spoiled enough. *grins* I'm working on the second chapter and if fp.com ever works again, I'll upload.
Mata ne!
Wootang
9/1/2003 c1 77ForgottenMists
I like Vul's pessimism. Tis part of him. Ah, shall have to find all the reigns in all 33 pages and change them to reins. Sounds like fun. Which decision to go south? Who's decision? Me confoosed. No, actually, you be wrong, her daddy not the king. Her daddy went to the Kharathadhi Islands three years ago. The king has been disappeareded for thirty. La di da. I hope it uploads me chapter now.
77ForgottenMistsI like Vul's pessimism. Tis part of him. Ah, shall have to find all the reigns in all 33 pages and change them to reins. Sounds like fun. Which decision to go south? Who's decision? Me confoosed. No, actually, you be wrong, her daddy not the king. Her daddy went to the Kharathadhi Islands three years ago. The king has been disappeareded for thirty. La di da. I hope it uploads me chapter now.
9/1/2003 c4 M.D. Cantine
Very very bueno. I like this better than The White Lady. Vul is cool, but he is a tad pessimistic, is he not? Asa is bubbly. And cool.
Also, reins (like on a horse's bridle) is spelt reins, not reigns. Stupid homophones.
It was a little sudden, the desicion to go to the south... but Malakha was freaky.
Good. Keep it up. (As opposed to down, hahaha.)
Very very bueno. I like this better than The White Lady. Vul is cool, but he is a tad pessimistic, is he not? Asa is bubbly. And cool.
Also, reins (like on a horse's bridle) is spelt reins, not reigns. Stupid homophones.
It was a little sudden, the desicion to go to the south... but Malakha was freaky.
Good. Keep it up. (As opposed to down, hahaha.)
8/6/2003 c2 Kyaa-Kyaff
Hi! Great chapter. Sorry it took me so long to review. I'll be back to read more. It was a bit hard to read though cause the words go a bit far from the screen and i had to kep scrolling over and back again.
I believe you did the Takhatheri well. I can't wait to read more because this is very interesting. I love your main character. Keep up the great work!
til next time
^o^
Hi! Great chapter. Sorry it took me so long to review. I'll be back to read more. It was a bit hard to read though cause the words go a bit far from the screen and i had to kep scrolling over and back again.
I believe you did the Takhatheri well. I can't wait to read more because this is very interesting. I love your main character. Keep up the great work!
til next time
^o^
7/31/2003 c1 Freckles Victorious too lazy to log in as you know already so there is no need to tell you. Ah well
Yay! Happy and good. Correct the mistakeys, they make it make no sense. *pulls a leash out of her hair* Okies, I'll be constructive. Fine. Okies, in the paragraph that you are describing the stone figure thingy, you say breeze too many times. Try using wind or something. ONLY 34 AND A HALF MORE DAYS TILL YOU GET TO SCAN THE MAP!
Yay! Happy and good. Correct the mistakeys, they make it make no sense. *pulls a leash out of her hair* Okies, I'll be constructive. Fine. Okies, in the paragraph that you are describing the stone figure thingy, you say breeze too many times. Try using wind or something. ONLY 34 AND A HALF MORE DAYS TILL YOU GET TO SCAN THE MAP!
7/31/2003 c1 Kyaa-Kyaff
Oh this is very very interesting. You've definitely caught my attention.
You're an excellent writer and i can't wait to read more.
I love Asa's name by the way. I love to see new and interesting names, and you definitely have those. I'll be back next chapter, so please keep up the great work.
til next time
^o^
Oh this is very very interesting. You've definitely caught my attention.
You're an excellent writer and i can't wait to read more.
I love Asa's name by the way. I love to see new and interesting names, and you definitely have those. I'll be back next chapter, so please keep up the great work.
til next time
^o^