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for Outside the Door

7/24/2006 c2 59Frore
*Yawn* Sorry, this didn't get any better. The opening sentence was alright... But this story is moving far too fast, and I don't understand why the murderer wouldn't just remove the ID bracelet from Johnny's body if he didn't want the girl to discover his identity - why this did not occur to your main character, I have no idea.

Remember: in horror stories, the more gore you use, the less effective it becomes in scaring people with the story. Your audience gets used to it. The expect a smear of blood or a pile of bones. It's good for one of those shocking, "Oh my God!" moments, but save it for when you need it. Like ammunition.
7/24/2006 c1 Frore
The first chapter of this seems like it attempts cliffhangers, but leaves the writer shaking his or her head in dismay. For example, knocking the lamp over at the bottom of the stairs - she could have simply fallen into it.

Other than the list-like quality of the story, it's not too bad, and I'll continue to read.
6/25/2005 c2 Zombaid
Very interesting. I started reading and I couldn't stop.

I hope to read more.
12/28/2003 c2 1goofball
well interesting is all i have to say
8/15/2003 c1 1ShAdOwPuPpEt
ok...interest ing, but i think a new chapter would be good.
8/1/2003 c1 13saintchris
Since your story is currently right next to mine..

Full of dialogue, which I like to read, because I tend to leave that out in my stories.

Follow it up and I will continue to read.

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