for Dream On3/12/2005 c1 
9Reading Redhead
Certainly an interesting start to a story. The concept is intriguing. However, try to remember to start a new paragraph each time a new speaker talks. Also, there were a few sentences I noticed that might have benefited from a few well-placed commas. Generally, wherever you would pause when reading a sentence aloud, there should be a comma there.
Other than that I really like the direction this piece is headed in. Good job!
-Red
9Reading RedheadCertainly an interesting start to a story. The concept is intriguing. However, try to remember to start a new paragraph each time a new speaker talks. Also, there were a few sentences I noticed that might have benefited from a few well-placed commas. Generally, wherever you would pause when reading a sentence aloud, there should be a comma there.
Other than that I really like the direction this piece is headed in. Good job!
-Red
5/16/2004 c8 20HannahMarieWillow
Like it, r u gunna upd8? I relli cant stand George, snivelling git. Anyway...gr8 story
20HannahMarieWillowLike it, r u gunna upd8? I relli cant stand George, snivelling git. Anyway...gr8 story
12/16/2003 c8 24Nemen
This is fairly good, I like it! I'd kinda like to know how it ends, so if you could finish it...
About the only problem I have is with the plot itself. Gabrielle's husband cheats on her. She finds out, and is momentarily crushed. She tells her maid, and is still sad. Suddenly, an idea for revenge occurs to her, and she becomes like a little girl on Christmas! All excited and full of joy! Now, I wouldn't know from experience, but...wouldn't you be kinda SAD if your spouse was cheating on you? If you have a plan for revenge, you're sad and determined to make him/her pay, but you're still mostly sad.
'tis all. Good piece.
24NemenThis is fairly good, I like it! I'd kinda like to know how it ends, so if you could finish it...
About the only problem I have is with the plot itself. Gabrielle's husband cheats on her. She finds out, and is momentarily crushed. She tells her maid, and is still sad. Suddenly, an idea for revenge occurs to her, and she becomes like a little girl on Christmas! All excited and full of joy! Now, I wouldn't know from experience, but...wouldn't you be kinda SAD if your spouse was cheating on you? If you have a plan for revenge, you're sad and determined to make him/her pay, but you're still mostly sad.
'tis all. Good piece.
11/3/2003 c8 grim'alkin
*stands up in dissapointment at the ending* oh come ON- you don't leave reader like that hanging on to every word do you? YOU HAVE GOT TO CONTINUE! i'm a vamp and i'm hungry- very HUNGRY!
Yay! fav. list! oh- nice, but, please make the plot thicker- hehehe- i love angst! KILL GEORGE!(well, it's justa suggestion. . . )PLEASE?
hehehe.
*stands up in dissapointment at the ending* oh come ON- you don't leave reader like that hanging on to every word do you? YOU HAVE GOT TO CONTINUE! i'm a vamp and i'm hungry- very HUNGRY!
Yay! fav. list! oh- nice, but, please make the plot thicker- hehehe- i love angst! KILL GEORGE!(well, it's justa suggestion. . . )PLEASE?
hehehe.
8/11/2003 c6 Mandier
You have a really good story going so far! I like it, and am *totally* into it 100%! You need to update soon!
The one suggestion I have it to go to the next line when someone switches talking...it got a little confusing.
But besides that, it's fine! PLeae check out my sutff!
~Mandier~
You have a really good story going so far! I like it, and am *totally* into it 100%! You need to update soon!
The one suggestion I have it to go to the next line when someone switches talking...it got a little confusing.
But besides that, it's fine! PLeae check out my sutff!
~Mandier~
8/5/2003 c5 15pinkdragon
What a jerk! I hope you make him pay!
Keep up the good work!
Quotations were superb in this chap!
pink
15pinkdragonWhat a jerk! I hope you make him pay!
Keep up the good work!
Quotations were superb in this chap!
pink
8/1/2003 c4 pinkdragon
Will Gabrielle have a thing for William. That is, if he's not too young, I'm not sure how young you mean. I have one teeny-tiny request: when a new person talks, could you start a new paragraph? You didn't do that for chapters 1-3, but you did it here until William came into the picture. I always find that doing so makes it easier to read, plus it's grammatically correct!
update soon, I want to read more!
pink
Will Gabrielle have a thing for William. That is, if he's not too young, I'm not sure how young you mean. I have one teeny-tiny request: when a new person talks, could you start a new paragraph? You didn't do that for chapters 1-3, but you did it here until William came into the picture. I always find that doing so makes it easier to read, plus it's grammatically correct!
update soon, I want to read more!
pink