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8/21/2003 c5 15pinkdragon
"Was he truly a demon, or had he been placed in this world just as she had?" Was that foreshadowing I read? I love the coziness in this chapter!
8/21/2003 c4 pinkdragon
Aw, hugs demon. Er, sorry, Rudolf. He's a cutie, then? This is a good chapter. on to the next . . .
8/18/2003 c6 11Comrade Jahaa
This is good, I look foward to more.

*006*
8/17/2003 c6 Starbrat
Again it's moving far too quickly - why does Marlene have no qualms about taking other people's souls? Why does she trust Rudolph? Isn't she curious about *what* these souls are used for, who wants them, etc? After all, she really doesn't know anything about her situation, most people would feel like asking afew more questions.
8/17/2003 c5 Starbrat
Okay, firstly, what is a soul, and what use would it be to a demon? Secondly, she doesn't seem too lifelike - like when the demon says he wants her soul at first, she says "No. I will not."? A rather composed reply for someone who really has no clue as to who this person is, why they want her soul, etc. Don't you think a better answer would be something like "No way, you crazy bastard!" or "What are you talking about? What's going on? I want to go home!" Or maybe if she was religious, she'd start praying to whoever/whatever she believed in, etc.

Then, she never asked *what* it is that Rudolph wants, if he doesn't want her soul, and why the sudden change of heart - she's awfully trusting, don't you think?
8/2/2003 c2 15pinkdragon
Okay, I think I got it now (I reread chapter 3). (This is about chapter 3, but you can't review the same chapter twice.) The demon turns into a Marlene lookalike and goes back to the future in her place. And he was the one that made the snide remark to her mother and she could hear it.(? *hopefully I got it*) That's very original! Still have the suggestion if you're interested.

pink
8/2/2003 c3 pinkdragon
Okay, there are a few things in this chapter that I found a little confusing. First, "With a happy nod the demon in Marlene's body waltz right on into the study where a bunch of old breakable things were kept." Does this mean the demon possessed her or that he shapeshifted to look like her?

Second, " 'What are you doing Marlene?' Marlene's mother's voice rose from the living room with her relatives./'Nothing. It's nothing to you!' The demon's eyes glared furiously." Is Marlene hearing her mother's voice or remembering? And is "Nothing" Marlene's answer of the demon's?

Third, " 'I have taken you from your time in the present. I am now there, I can manipulate your life forever. Sign the paper and you can have it back. Remember, the longer you wait the worse things will get./Signed: Emily Greene'." I think "I have . . . get" is the demon's writing, right? And then Emily signed it to sell him her soul, and list of others. While, I did understand it, it's a little unclear. But Emily says the demon tried to buy her soul and she wouldn't let him. So, you kinda contradicted yourself . . .

More suggestions: describe how Marlene and the demon look, give him a name. You could even put a Rumplestilsken (sp?) skit in it, where she's not supposed to know his name. Oh, I had another really good idea. I won't tell you here, but I'll email it to you if you want to hear it.

let me know what you think,

pink
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