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2/21/2004 c1 frisson rae
i apologise for leaving an unsigned review, because my computer for some unknown reason is refusing me access to login to my FPC account. [but in case you're interested, frisson rae is my penname]
i would have to call you living proof that literature is not dead in singapore.[i'm thirteen and a singaporean girl too]
in fact, (cliched as this is going to sound) i relate to this poem. i relate to most poems that manage to convey true (and most of the time common) feelings to the reader. you made some pretty metaphors here (e.g. my river of life) and your choice of words add to to the desperate tone of the poem.
and guess what? i'm now addicted to your poetry. must go off to check out some other pieces.
frisson rae
2/1/2004 c1 19firehoney
That poem was just, wow, I can't think of anything else to say about it!
It was very powerful and really hit me, excellent job
1/27/2004 c1 MindTear
strange, i don't seem to be absolutely infatuated with this poem as everyone else is. I think I know why, too... it's the english language.
These same exact words are used in millions of other combinations in nearly all poems on this site. People think that assimilating these words in different ways will automatically give them a distinctive and powerful poem... it isn't always so. When I read this poem, I think of all the other poems i've read that have used these words, and it all melts into a single entity of pain and angst... nothing incredibly unique about this one. Of course, the pain to you will be unique, but the words to express it will all be alike, because, hey, there are only so many words for pain.
So how do we escape this? That's a problem i'm not sure we know how to fix... many people have screwed convention and language altogether by the style of their poems (most notably ee cummings) to convey different things through their poems that were not easily conveyable otherwise. the truly effective poems put another spin on a perspective shared by most people. the ones that are unconventional are both the most controversial and the most intriguing.
nothing against this poem, it just seems to mesh with all the other angsty poems that use these exact same words. (hm, perhaps it's because you don't use your words as specific metaphors, at least not so much. shattered pieces of memories... that could be any type of shatter, the shards of woven dreams... again, any type of shard. maybe that's why the words ring hollow.)
anyway, the feeling of letting go, and also this poem, are both very common, in my perspective. while you do express it slightly more eloquently, nothing truly sets it apart. oh well.
~mindtear
1/8/2004 c1 127godawful teen-angst poetry
. . .
awesome.
I can't...I can't even think of anything else to say. Welcome to my faves list.
~lyv
11/29/2003 c1 96AutumnRhapsody
The words are very nice, seem specially chosen. They fit it. It's really heartfelt, I really like it. Great job!
11/4/2003 c1 35rocket baby doll
this is realy amazing... i have nothing negative to say, at all... the imagry, they way it flowed, couldnt have been done better..

Keep it up!

ps you know the lines at the end of your bio? what song is that from? like i no its a song, but whenever i hear it on the radio, i never catch the whole thing.. i love it enough to have most of the lines memorised though...lol...
10/8/2003 c1 becca
You seem to capture my thoughts that I can't put down on paper and write them with a flowing intensity that I can't achieve - it's starting to basically freak me out because your poems express what I can't. just weird, lol.

-becca
9/21/2003 c1 anon63
holy shit that's awesome... you don't need to simplify it... actually it seemed rather easy to understand... maybe i'm just obsessed with letting go, or not being able to let go, getting over things, or whatever, but it was really cool to read something that, to some degree, mirrored my thoughts, except your poem is way better than my thoughts, lol. And the imagery is really vivid and intense. I like this a lot. I know this review was really rambling and random, sorry :P Keep up the great work! :-)
9/5/2003 c1 Winter's Roar
oh…no words, just wow!

My goodness, that was marvelous! Your images were wonderfully written, and the ending was fantastic! Yet another highly impressive poem!

~ winter

Oh, and pl don't "simplify" this poem, it works really well as it it, being slightly abstract and such.
8/31/2003 c1 14Dirty Wallpaper
fantastic poem! the imagery, the metahors, i literally had pieces of darkness shattering in my mind, it was such a weird and disturbing picture, but the shards seemed to repersent all the feeling that was brough out in the poem. "where angels fly and the breathless unknown tread" beautiful, where did you come up with that, such a lovely and sontrasting picture, i always love it when poets talk about breath though so meh.

"elusively rational thoughts evade me" i really love the range of vocab that goes on in the poem, ites refreshing.

"all i can grasp are crushed hopes and forgotten promises" such a great picture, i think thats how i got the image of shattering darkness in my head, so sad and ghastly, i loved it.

great great great poem, i dont think it needs simplifying at all, if someone doesnt get it that werent paying attention or something inane like that. kudos to you, beautiful work!
8/26/2003 c1 Red Masque
First off, that was an excellent poem. The imagery and metaphor was deep, yet understandable (::cough cough:: unlike mine, which is the main reason I was submitting this review until i read your poem itself lol).

I wasn't quite sure if people would understand my poem or not, because to me, the metaphors were clear, but my bro in fifth grade didn't understand, so i decided to err on the side of caution and put in my summary that it might not make sense. Each line is, literally, a memory of a drought. Some people had trouble with 'crinkle umber carpets'- i was simply describing dry, brown grass underfoot. ::shrugs:: i guess i should have been more clear. hm... well... i'm really not sure how else to describe the rest... also, behind the whimsy, the poem itself is an extended metaphor of sorts. (haha, at least i remember it was written to be... now i can't remember what it was... ::covers face in hands:: curse my short term memory)

well, i loved your poem. any specific questions that you'd like answered, i'd be glad to do so. so... read on, etc.

RM
8/26/2003 c1 killthisaccountitsdead
goodness, why would you even imply to simplify it? if ever reviews made you do it before, you should be ashamed! this poem is very good as it is, even though it unfortunatelly contains a few banal lines (which sometimes cannot be evaded, to my horrible grief). i personally erase everything that sounds banal in my poems. nothing i hate as much as that, nothing can ruin a piece more than that. The whole part with angels and fantasy seems unnecessarily sweet and completely out of place, the mere mention of these things gives the poem a sugary flavour. i'd find some other way to say it, if i were you. generally trying to come up with new lines into a complete poem very much amuses me sometimes, and i find myself pulling more and more lines into the poem as i grow to understand it better. it's a good writing exercise if nothing else.

keep writing.
8/23/2003 c1 11ZinSs
What an awesome poem. The ending lines really made all the difference in this poem, it just completed it. A great poem, i'm glad i read it.
8/20/2003 c1 612simpleplan13
Very powerful poem i like it a lot... thanks for the review.. Im gonna try to change it using it!
8/20/2003 c1 47The intellect
its coolz, all coolz... thanx 4 reviews

u have some great methpors in this... love the sheards of woven dreams part

intellect
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