
10/11/2003 c1 Leena
Shouldn't the word 'lurks' (in line 7) be 'lurk'?
Personally, I'm not much of a fan to this kind of formatting; it's not really reader-friendly.
I like how you choose sophisticated words to put in your poem, but (ironically) I think you tried too hard. More often than not, I find myself drifting *out* of the poem than *in*. But then again, that's just me. Just one reader out of, say, thousands of other readers.
Shouldn't the word 'lurks' (in line 7) be 'lurk'?
Personally, I'm not much of a fan to this kind of formatting; it's not really reader-friendly.
I like how you choose sophisticated words to put in your poem, but (ironically) I think you tried too hard. More often than not, I find myself drifting *out* of the poem than *in*. But then again, that's just me. Just one reader out of, say, thousands of other readers.
9/10/2003 c1
47Anjeni Windsinger
I love your word choice.. they really make the poem beatiful. Exquisite work.
Keep writing!

I love your word choice.. they really make the poem beatiful. Exquisite work.
Keep writing!
9/8/2003 c1
8glitterjewele
gorgeous. there isn't anything else to say, it's just gorgeous. and the last line took my breath away. *amazing* piece here. KUDOS!

gorgeous. there isn't anything else to say, it's just gorgeous. and the last line took my breath away. *amazing* piece here. KUDOS!
9/2/2003 c1
42Lady of the Moon
The ending is wonderful! I really like it. The idea of this poem is upsetting, but often true. You might want to work on your tenses a little bit, though.
Asta Chantrea Orra

The ending is wonderful! I really like it. The idea of this poem is upsetting, but often true. You might want to work on your tenses a little bit, though.
Asta Chantrea Orra
8/25/2003 c1
1translucence
That was beautiful. I loved the rhythm, your choice of words, the way you started each line at a different place... All together, they consolidated to make the best poem I've read in a very long time.

That was beautiful. I loved the rhythm, your choice of words, the way you started each line at a different place... All together, they consolidated to make the best poem I've read in a very long time.
8/21/2003 c1
35Mime
Wow, I'm adding this piece to my favorite stories list right now. It was just so beuatiful...

Wow, I'm adding this piece to my favorite stories list right now. It was just so beuatiful...
8/13/2003 c1
36obsidian katana
wow...awesome poem! really amazing, your writing. beautiful, heartfelt, deep and full of meaning. great word usage and format, and it has a nice flow to it. i love this. keep up the superb work! you're a great writer!

wow...awesome poem! really amazing, your writing. beautiful, heartfelt, deep and full of meaning. great word usage and format, and it has a nice flow to it. i love this. keep up the superb work! you're a great writer!
8/11/2003 c1
210Kelpylion
This poem has a very interesting-and I know this is a weird thing to apply to a poem, but it just fits-*texture.* It feels like molten glass flowing and swirling and settling, then suddenly being cooled and breaking up into a thousand pieces of stardust. In other words, it was wonderful.

This poem has a very interesting-and I know this is a weird thing to apply to a poem, but it just fits-*texture.* It feels like molten glass flowing and swirling and settling, then suddenly being cooled and breaking up into a thousand pieces of stardust. In other words, it was wonderful.
8/11/2003 c1 Reina-chan
Thank goodness I check your fp works, or else I woulndn't know what I was missing... this is just...urm...excellent...
Thank goodness I check your fp works, or else I woulndn't know what I was missing... this is just...urm...excellent...