for Exchange of Life10/28/2008 c17 
2hazza1508
hey i think this is a really good story but for your editing thing maybe you could look at making the chapters longer and working on the characterisation and what happens like i feel that sometimes how they fall for each other it happens a little quickly
2hazza1508hey i think this is a really good story but for your editing thing maybe you could look at making the chapters longer and working on the characterisation and what happens like i feel that sometimes how they fall for each other it happens a little quickly
10/23/2008 c13 xXx Silver Rose xXx
This is a great plot, but the part about him getting up and running out while saying no was a little hurried. You might want to rephrase it and make it a little more detailed.
This is a great plot, but the part about him getting up and running out while saying no was a little hurried. You might want to rephrase it and make it a little more detailed.
6/6/2008 c16 Guest
this chapter is a tad bit confusing Jonathen woke up and somehow it was really bane?
this chapter is a tad bit confusing Jonathen woke up and somehow it was really bane?
7/20/2007 c17 Andressa123
The ball should be interesting. Especially since it seems like the whole marriage plot originates from Jonathan. I wonder if any of the other men at the ball are going to try something improper with her. And I really wonder whether or not she'll be able to succeed in her little charade.
The ball should be interesting. Especially since it seems like the whole marriage plot originates from Jonathan. I wonder if any of the other men at the ball are going to try something improper with her. And I really wonder whether or not she'll be able to succeed in her little charade.
7/20/2007 c2 Andressa123
"Amara was looking strait forward..."
In this case, you should speel it "straight." When you spell it "strait," it refers to some geography-related thing. You know, like "the Straits of Gibraltar."
"Any man who looked at her heart would beat faster..."
Maybe you should reword this? Perhaps "The heart of any man who looked at her would beat faster"? Or "Any man who looked at her would feel his heart beating faster"? It doesn't really matter, but I feel like there might be a way to say what you mean in a more clear manner.
Haha, I love how random his question was: "Do any of you know how to belly dance?"
I'm enjoying this!
"Amara was looking strait forward..."
In this case, you should speel it "straight." When you spell it "strait," it refers to some geography-related thing. You know, like "the Straits of Gibraltar."
"Any man who looked at her heart would beat faster..."
Maybe you should reword this? Perhaps "The heart of any man who looked at her would beat faster"? Or "Any man who looked at her would feel his heart beating faster"? It doesn't really matter, but I feel like there might be a way to say what you mean in a more clear manner.
Haha, I love how random his question was: "Do any of you know how to belly dance?"
I'm enjoying this!
7/20/2007 c1 Andressa123
Just a few comments:
"She guessed that the woman didn't have a well education..."
Generally, "well" is used as an adverb, which means that while it can modify verbs (Laura plays the trumpet well), adjectives (Josh prefers his steak well done), and other adverbs, it does NOT modify nouns. Instead, you can use an adjective such as "good" (a good education).
But it sounds like a neat story and I'm definitely going to keep reading!
Just a few comments:
"She guessed that the woman didn't have a well education..."
Generally, "well" is used as an adverb, which means that while it can modify verbs (Laura plays the trumpet well), adjectives (Josh prefers his steak well done), and other adverbs, it does NOT modify nouns. Instead, you can use an adjective such as "good" (a good education).
But it sounds like a neat story and I'm definitely going to keep reading!
7/20/2006 c1 9Queen Anabella
I clicked on this since the story sounds so similar to my own. But anyways, I am loving the plot so far, but there are a few things here and there that I believe needs fixing. The one thing that really distracted me from the story was how you would say a girl was about so-and-so years old. If you have a specific age, then do not add 'about' in front of it. After all, this is third person setting, so there's nothing wrong with knowing the specific ages of everyone.
9Queen AnabellaI clicked on this since the story sounds so similar to my own. But anyways, I am loving the plot so far, but there are a few things here and there that I believe needs fixing. The one thing that really distracted me from the story was how you would say a girl was about so-and-so years old. If you have a specific age, then do not add 'about' in front of it. After all, this is third person setting, so there's nothing wrong with knowing the specific ages of everyone.
6/12/2006 c15 4unpredicable17
What is Jon planning to do with this crazy plan of his/ Is he going to hurt them because i mean he already raped her what more could he do to her other than kill her or bane. please don't let either of them die. I love this story it is so good please update soon.*beg beg beg*
4unpredicable17What is Jon planning to do with this crazy plan of his/ Is he going to hurt them because i mean he already raped her what more could he do to her other than kill her or bane. please don't let either of them die. I love this story it is so good please update soon.*beg beg beg*