for Out of the Shadows1/9/2004 c1 blackblade2
Ok...yes it's me already! (My name's Beth, or at least that's the name you called me! Or Cream, or Ace...anyway!) I went to Florida this summer and stayed on Pigeon Key...sound familiar? Some of our friends were Wallaby, Johnny, and Steve-O. And you're welcome for the review! Ravioli was right about my screen name. (blackblade2) You can e-mail me if you want: . (It's not in my profile to avoid bot searchers, which annoy me no end!) ttyl
Ok...yes it's me already! (My name's Beth, or at least that's the name you called me! Or Cream, or Ace...anyway!) I went to Florida this summer and stayed on Pigeon Key...sound familiar? Some of our friends were Wallaby, Johnny, and Steve-O. And you're welcome for the review! Ravioli was right about my screen name. (blackblade2) You can e-mail me if you want: . (It's not in my profile to avoid bot searchers, which annoy me no end!) ttyl
12/11/2003 c2 
1blackblade2
So Kay just happened to have four traveling bags? Hm...
You breezed by Caroline's intro a bit fast, too...
But other than that, I liked it!
1blackblade2So Kay just happened to have four traveling bags? Hm...
You breezed by Caroline's intro a bit fast, too...
But other than that, I liked it!
12/11/2003 c1 blackblade2
OOh, nice! This is fun! And I love the way you do Katelin and Tara's accents. Are they supposed to be anything in particular?
OOh, nice! This is fun! And I love the way you do Katelin and Tara's accents. Are they supposed to be anything in particular?
11/19/2003 c4 Unity-Girl
HELLO! Yes, I'm at school and the computers here don'tlet me log-in so i can't sign-in. Yay, for charater development! YAY! Sorry, I'm just bored, the kid next to me is in love with shoes and bikes and its scaring me... he just hugged the comp. *scoots away* Anyway, this fic (or story here?) is getting even more awsomeness. Oh yeah, I think me mom might give in and let me use the phone. Hey to talk to me all you gotta do is reveiw my stories (yes I'm fishing for complements) ...what I just wrote doesn't really make sence does it? At least if you're not me... hm... Oh yes, tell me the name of he person who wrote that angel/Ryou/double fic and the title. I can't find it. Anyway. BUH-BYE!
^_^
Yami UG-O.O... Come on aibou... time to remve the sugar from you're blood stream...*grabs UG by ear*
UG-NO- wait a sec... this means no school! go ahead i can always get more later...
Yami UG- *mutters* That's what she thinks...
UG- what?
Yami UG- Nothing, nothing...
(Chibi Dude misses you ;_;)
HELLO! Yes, I'm at school and the computers here don'tlet me log-in so i can't sign-in. Yay, for charater development! YAY! Sorry, I'm just bored, the kid next to me is in love with shoes and bikes and its scaring me... he just hugged the comp. *scoots away* Anyway, this fic (or story here?) is getting even more awsomeness. Oh yeah, I think me mom might give in and let me use the phone. Hey to talk to me all you gotta do is reveiw my stories (yes I'm fishing for complements) ...what I just wrote doesn't really make sence does it? At least if you're not me... hm... Oh yes, tell me the name of he person who wrote that angel/Ryou/double fic and the title. I can't find it. Anyway. BUH-BYE!
^_^
Yami UG-O.O... Come on aibou... time to remve the sugar from you're blood stream...*grabs UG by ear*
UG-NO- wait a sec... this means no school! go ahead i can always get more later...
Yami UG- *mutters* That's what she thinks...
UG- what?
Yami UG- Nothing, nothing...
(Chibi Dude misses you ;_;)
9/15/2003 c2 warnthepenguins
I forgot to say: This book is great:
http:/w.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0312150946/qid=1063662435/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/104-3358013-5475905?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
- Character overload! Wow, this is a lot of people to keep straight.
- Oh no! The new one's got an even worse accent than before! EEch. I'm just telling you now: people's speech doesn't get that bad, even if they're alone all the time. Speaking of which, how can she not have had human contact if she's apparently a short run from the city walls?
- Some of these things are kind of tough to swallow when they happen so suddenly. In the space of a few lines, we're suddenly told that the kid's parents have been murdered. If you have stunning information like that to drop on the readers, build up to it with descriptive clues-if there's been a bloody coup, something should seem wrong, whether it's dead bodies or just unusual quiet.
- We've jumped from the noble's house to the Maze to the outside with only a sentence's worth of transition. Describe the journey from place to place more, so we can follow the action. I guarantee that people will be interested.
Looking good so far. I just hope this is the last char...^ ^;
I forgot to say: This book is great:
http:/w.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0312150946/qid=1063662435/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/104-3358013-5475905?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
- Character overload! Wow, this is a lot of people to keep straight.
- Oh no! The new one's got an even worse accent than before! EEch. I'm just telling you now: people's speech doesn't get that bad, even if they're alone all the time. Speaking of which, how can she not have had human contact if she's apparently a short run from the city walls?
- Some of these things are kind of tough to swallow when they happen so suddenly. In the space of a few lines, we're suddenly told that the kid's parents have been murdered. If you have stunning information like that to drop on the readers, build up to it with descriptive clues-if there's been a bloody coup, something should seem wrong, whether it's dead bodies or just unusual quiet.
- We've jumped from the noble's house to the Maze to the outside with only a sentence's worth of transition. Describe the journey from place to place more, so we can follow the action. I guarantee that people will be interested.
Looking good so far. I just hope this is the last char...^ ^;
9/15/2003 c1 warnthepenguins
I like this beginning, but with a few issues.
- First, the thieves' accents are pretty heavy. That could get kind of annoying; in fact, it's impossible to distinguish between them when they speak.
- This escaping method's pretty darn easy, isn't it? You just had two characters use the exact same escape strategy within the space of a few paragraphs. I think you'd be better off having one of them try a different tack. And throw a few more obstacles in front of them-or it'll be so easy that the reader'll be wondering why ALL the slaves don't run off.
- I think your sentences could be smoother. Watch the punctuation and run-ons.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest...*goes to do just that*
I like this beginning, but with a few issues.
- First, the thieves' accents are pretty heavy. That could get kind of annoying; in fact, it's impossible to distinguish between them when they speak.
- This escaping method's pretty darn easy, isn't it? You just had two characters use the exact same escape strategy within the space of a few paragraphs. I think you'd be better off having one of them try a different tack. And throw a few more obstacles in front of them-or it'll be so easy that the reader'll be wondering why ALL the slaves don't run off.
- I think your sentences could be smoother. Watch the punctuation and run-ons.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest...*goes to do just that*
9/15/2003 c2 Dagny Royce
The idea behind this story sounds good, but I agree with the rest, you need to slow down the pace and explain things a bit more. You also need to read it over because there are quite a few spelling mistakes that I don't think are intentional.
Also, about accents, sometimes it's better to write the voice normally and explain the accent, because after a few chapters it gets annoying and difficult to read.
The idea behind this story sounds good, but I agree with the rest, you need to slow down the pace and explain things a bit more. You also need to read it over because there are quite a few spelling mistakes that I don't think are intentional.
Also, about accents, sometimes it's better to write the voice normally and explain the accent, because after a few chapters it gets annoying and difficult to read.
9/7/2003 c2 4Unity-Girl
AH HA! I found you! Yes, it is me, the insane one. Now that you are out at your lessons teaching you how to weild sharp pointy things (aka fencing) I have desided to reveiw.
Much more betta then last chappy, and funnier too. And... Kay reminds me o' Joey, were you obsessing over him when you wrote this?
4Unity-GirlAH HA! I found you! Yes, it is me, the insane one. Now that you are out at your lessons teaching you how to weild sharp pointy things (aka fencing) I have desided to reveiw.
Much more betta then last chappy, and funnier too. And... Kay reminds me o' Joey, were you obsessing over him when you wrote this?
9/3/2003 c2 15Jaded Optimism
WOW! This story is really funny! I love it! Keep it coming!
Cheers!
Nat:D
15Jaded OptimismWOW! This story is really funny! I love it! Keep it coming!
Cheers!
Nat:D
8/16/2003 c1 4Unity-Girl
Mwa ha ha ha ha... I like it, but it moves kinda fast... SLOW DOWN. If ya do dat you can have more detail and: problem solved! Can't wait ta see what happens GM. You don't know I'm reveiwing even though you're across the room teehee...
4Unity-GirlMwa ha ha ha ha... I like it, but it moves kinda fast... SLOW DOWN. If ya do dat you can have more detail and: problem solved! Can't wait ta see what happens GM. You don't know I'm reveiwing even though you're across the room teehee...