for Control2/2/2005 c1 
14Cheyenne Kai
I like the pace. It really gets the reader to know about the character by saying very few things, and as it progresses, to really feel for Brannigan, at least I felt for him. The end was sad!
"Prael... who knew how he was anymore"
That didn't make sense. Didn;t notice anything else to critisice, it was very well written.
14Cheyenne KaiI like the pace. It really gets the reader to know about the character by saying very few things, and as it progresses, to really feel for Brannigan, at least I felt for him. The end was sad!
"Prael... who knew how he was anymore"
That didn't make sense. Didn;t notice anything else to critisice, it was very well written.
12/22/2003 c1 16Aral
That's creepy. Was this the sequel to something? I felt like you didn't explain "the hellhole" or "Prael" or "Carey" enough. I like the relationship between Derrick and his ex-lover. I don't understand why she would kiss him if she was about to be cruel enough to commit him to a military asylum. Seems contradictory to me. Very good story though.
16AralThat's creepy. Was this the sequel to something? I felt like you didn't explain "the hellhole" or "Prael" or "Carey" enough. I like the relationship between Derrick and his ex-lover. I don't understand why she would kiss him if she was about to be cruel enough to commit him to a military asylum. Seems contradictory to me. Very good story though.
8/15/2003 c1 PainKiller
WOW! My goodness... that was really incredible. You nailed the horror aspect of it perfectly. (You would, seeing as you wrote an entire article on it.) Really awesome plot line. The ending was so errie... you've done a marvelous job.
WOW! My goodness... that was really incredible. You nailed the horror aspect of it perfectly. (You would, seeing as you wrote an entire article on it.) Really awesome plot line. The ending was so errie... you've done a marvelous job.