for The Knife8/22/2003 c5 
6Lady Gerbil
aww..i luv this.oh yeah..before,what i meant wuz like,little things,like example in chapter 2:"She looked like she had just gotten out of bed, changed, and run to class."...then the conversation went on to point this out..it wasn't a HUGE thing,just small stuff like that.nothing that destroyed the story or anything.i luv the flow of the characters into the plot,and the small disasters/climaxes..it's so great.this story could make a great comic book series.(i mean that as a compliment,not an insult).it's just so descriptive,i can see the pictures with the words and captions.eh,i luv it.
6Lady Gerbilaww..i luv this.oh yeah..before,what i meant wuz like,little things,like example in chapter 2:"She looked like she had just gotten out of bed, changed, and run to class."...then the conversation went on to point this out..it wasn't a HUGE thing,just small stuff like that.nothing that destroyed the story or anything.i luv the flow of the characters into the plot,and the small disasters/climaxes..it's so great.this story could make a great comic book series.(i mean that as a compliment,not an insult).it's just so descriptive,i can see the pictures with the words and captions.eh,i luv it.
8/19/2003 c2 Lady Gerbil
i still like it.my only problem was how the narrator gave away the event's before they happened,and then the story goes through the event later.it just killed the element of suprise a little,but it's still good.also,there wuz a few typos,nothing huge except for "Carrie fingered long rare, blood red hair." after being told her hair was the same shade as anceint royalty.I only mention it becuase you said you'll be fixing it.keep writting!I luv it.I can't wait for the signifigance of the title to show up.
i still like it.my only problem was how the narrator gave away the event's before they happened,and then the story goes through the event later.it just killed the element of suprise a little,but it's still good.also,there wuz a few typos,nothing huge except for "Carrie fingered long rare, blood red hair." after being told her hair was the same shade as anceint royalty.I only mention it becuase you said you'll be fixing it.keep writting!I luv it.I can't wait for the signifigance of the title to show up.