for Confined6/16/2007 c1 
2toboe059
that was good. but what happened, did the person die? i'm confused. are there gonna be more chaps?
2toboe059that was good. but what happened, did the person die? i'm confused. are there gonna be more chaps?
9/26/2005 c1 23Queen Maab
This... this is good stuff.It was real the feelings where harsh, not blunted and fake like I can find so often in stories I read.The writing felt a little jumbled you might want to review it. But hey i read fast so that may just be me.
Mabye write about the same circumstance but from the mother POV what was she doing, why did she leave? Just an idea.
Queen maab
23Queen MaabThis... this is good stuff.It was real the feelings where harsh, not blunted and fake like I can find so often in stories I read.The writing felt a little jumbled you might want to review it. But hey i read fast so that may just be me.
Mabye write about the same circumstance but from the mother POV what was she doing, why did she leave? Just an idea.
Queen maab
3/3/2004 c1 15Peppermint Jester
Surprising ending. I didn't expect that at all-it was very nice.
Also, don't feel bad about not being able to stick to present tense-a lot of people can't, myself included. I'd either switch it to be in past tense, or edit it a few times just to get all the tense changes out.
Anyhow, it was a good story; I'll keep my eye out for more by you.
15Peppermint JesterSurprising ending. I didn't expect that at all-it was very nice.
Also, don't feel bad about not being able to stick to present tense-a lot of people can't, myself included. I'd either switch it to be in past tense, or edit it a few times just to get all the tense changes out.
Anyhow, it was a good story; I'll keep my eye out for more by you.
9/20/2003 c1 28Diana Shore
Very descriptive and nicely written. Yes, there are some tense problems, but this sentence was particularly jumbled and confusing "I had not plan to stop my killing, but only did I began hearing a sweet voice that was all too familiar, did I let go of the beast who instantly began putting his own palm on his neck." As a whole, I liked it alot.
28Diana ShoreVery descriptive and nicely written. Yes, there are some tense problems, but this sentence was particularly jumbled and confusing "I had not plan to stop my killing, but only did I began hearing a sweet voice that was all too familiar, did I let go of the beast who instantly began putting his own palm on his neck." As a whole, I liked it alot.
8/28/2003 c1 24Lux's Confusion
hey hun,
this was actually enticing in a way i can't really explain. i must admit that it was a little harsh around the edges, but to say you don't have talent would be assinine of me. you do. i also liked the concept of this distorted mutialated being of a child being the truley beautiful one, instead of doing the whole my characters look like someone in a Gap commercial approach, it's sad so many do that and it becomes almost completly expected too. but you turned what it rightly was, ugly on the out but pure and light on the in. really adds to the intriguing part and makes me honestly question you as an artist, as someone capable of going outside the box. now i use the ugly factor lightly, i did notice this eleswhere through-out. great job, and trust, i will be keeping my eye on you. oh yeah and welcome to FictionPress, i love seeing new talent now and then. i also want to thank you for the review, i'm glad you liked my poem. ttyl
-Jasmine
24Lux's Confusionhey hun,
this was actually enticing in a way i can't really explain. i must admit that it was a little harsh around the edges, but to say you don't have talent would be assinine of me. you do. i also liked the concept of this distorted mutialated being of a child being the truley beautiful one, instead of doing the whole my characters look like someone in a Gap commercial approach, it's sad so many do that and it becomes almost completly expected too. but you turned what it rightly was, ugly on the out but pure and light on the in. really adds to the intriguing part and makes me honestly question you as an artist, as someone capable of going outside the box. now i use the ugly factor lightly, i did notice this eleswhere through-out. great job, and trust, i will be keeping my eye on you. oh yeah and welcome to FictionPress, i love seeing new talent now and then. i also want to thank you for the review, i'm glad you liked my poem. ttyl
-Jasmine
8/27/2003 c1 groovygal82
I really liked this! It was dark, a little twisted and sad, just what I love in stories. Great work!
I really liked this! It was dark, a little twisted and sad, just what I love in stories. Great work!
8/27/2003 c1 10Hikarineko Skadi
That was a great story and a name Deceptive Death well i like it but i sounds a little stupid but hey you asked for a suggetion well see ya
Kari
10Hikarineko SkadiThat was a great story and a name Deceptive Death well i like it but i sounds a little stupid but hey you asked for a suggetion well see ya
Kari