for Fame7/14/2004 c1 
14SexyGreenFrog
At first the story line didn't really catch my interest but I kept reading and found that it was actually really good, you have great characters and the relationships seem real, also alot of it was pretty funny, good job.
14SexyGreenFrogAt first the story line didn't really catch my interest but I kept reading and found that it was actually really good, you have great characters and the relationships seem real, also alot of it was pretty funny, good job.
5/7/2004 c9 9poodlefreak
Hey! Okay, I'm reviewing.
Your story has a lot of potential if you added a little something to it. It's very short without much detail. Everything happens so fast!
It's really cute, so keep writing!
9poodlefreakHey! Okay, I'm reviewing.
Your story has a lot of potential if you added a little something to it. It's very short without much detail. Everything happens so fast!
It's really cute, so keep writing!
3/16/2004 c8 2Ella Stone
my bad, i forgot 2 write this on the below review but you also need more detailz. sry if this is annoying but i like giving tips to authorz like me.
V V V
2Ella Stonemy bad, i forgot 2 write this on the below review but you also need more detailz. sry if this is annoying but i like giving tips to authorz like me.
V V V
3/16/2004 c9 Ella Stone
is that a true story? pretty cool... confusing at times and a few grammer mistakes but the overall product is pretty cool.
oh, and i don't get this part: 'I had on my orange sheer shirt that I wore over a black camisole. My plaid black and orange shirt with my black combat boots' is the plaid black n orage shirt suposed to be *skirt*? i was stuck o nthat sentance for a whie trying to figure it out.
oh, n i like pink 2 ;)
xoxo
Melanie
is that a true story? pretty cool... confusing at times and a few grammer mistakes but the overall product is pretty cool.
oh, and i don't get this part: 'I had on my orange sheer shirt that I wore over a black camisole. My plaid black and orange shirt with my black combat boots' is the plaid black n orage shirt suposed to be *skirt*? i was stuck o nthat sentance for a whie trying to figure it out.
oh, n i like pink 2 ;)
xoxo
Melanie
3/16/2004 c9 3sparke
Hey Liss.
I am so sorry that it took me so long to post this! I really will try to be better about posting your stuff in the future. But, since your mom does let you get on her ID sometimes, you can always upload stuff if I get behind. Just click on Document Manager, and then click "browse" and look for the file you want to add and click on it. Then click Upload Now, and go to Chapter Management after its uploaded. It's pretty straight foward. And, if you get tied up and need help, just click the button that says, "Read me First"...or something like that.
Anyway, about the rest of this (the whole story is uploaded now). Really, the only thing I want to know is why didn't Cherri tell everyone that she played guitar before? Why did she keep it a secret? It struck me as odd.
-Em
3sparkeHey Liss.
I am so sorry that it took me so long to post this! I really will try to be better about posting your stuff in the future. But, since your mom does let you get on her ID sometimes, you can always upload stuff if I get behind. Just click on Document Manager, and then click "browse" and look for the file you want to add and click on it. Then click Upload Now, and go to Chapter Management after its uploaded. It's pretty straight foward. And, if you get tied up and need help, just click the button that says, "Read me First"...or something like that.
Anyway, about the rest of this (the whole story is uploaded now). Really, the only thing I want to know is why didn't Cherri tell everyone that she played guitar before? Why did she keep it a secret? It struck me as odd.
-Em
11/29/2003 c6 12HummerLover48
Nice chapter, but it did end at a bit of an awkward place. And it seems a bit OOC(Out Of Character) that Rick would get /that/ upset over the main character's comment the band's vocals.
12HummerLover48Nice chapter, but it did end at a bit of an awkward place. And it seems a bit OOC(Out Of Character) that Rick would get /that/ upset over the main character's comment the band's vocals.
10/30/2003 c5 3sparke
I liked this chapter, but I still most bring up, once again, a very important question: WHAT THE HECK IS THE BAND DOING, PLAYING A /CHOIR/ CONCERT? You have to admit, it really doesn't make much sense, especially since the band is lacking in vocals. Might want to think about that, and explain it better.
3sparkeI liked this chapter, but I still most bring up, once again, a very important question: WHAT THE HECK IS THE BAND DOING, PLAYING A /CHOIR/ CONCERT? You have to admit, it really doesn't make much sense, especially since the band is lacking in vocals. Might want to think about that, and explain it better.
10/1/2003 c4 sparke
Hey Lissie!
I figure now that you have your own penname, I should review your stories more often. Theres still a lot I have to say about both stories. *laughs evilly*. And always remember not to hesitate to email me if you want to change anything. Also, I have access to most of your reviewer's email adresses, if you ever want to reply to them. Or you can write author's notes with shout-outs to them to be put in your next chapter.
All that said, on to the review...
Chapter 1- I agree entirely with poodlefreak. This chapter really isn't necessary, absolutely nothing of importance happens in it.
Chapter 2- This was a decent chapter, a bit short though. Might be better just to combine it with chapter 3.
Chapter 3- This was a good chapter, except that I think you should do more than just say "It turns out AAron does play the guitar". Show, don't tell. Actually tell about the group finding out that he plays the guitar, like I've mentioned before.
Chapter 4- Try adding some actions to the diologue in this chapter. Like:
"Rick put his hands on his hips. 'I'm the lead vocalist, and Mike sings too.'... Rick was getting a bit red in the face at this time, I really didn't think that he would take his singing so personally! He threw his hands up in frustration. 'Ok, if you think we suck, just admit it!'"
Something to that effect. Would make for much more interesting reading. Also, why would the band be playing at a chior rehearsal to begin with?
-Em
Hey Lissie!
I figure now that you have your own penname, I should review your stories more often. Theres still a lot I have to say about both stories. *laughs evilly*. And always remember not to hesitate to email me if you want to change anything. Also, I have access to most of your reviewer's email adresses, if you ever want to reply to them. Or you can write author's notes with shout-outs to them to be put in your next chapter.
All that said, on to the review...
Chapter 1- I agree entirely with poodlefreak. This chapter really isn't necessary, absolutely nothing of importance happens in it.
Chapter 2- This was a decent chapter, a bit short though. Might be better just to combine it with chapter 3.
Chapter 3- This was a good chapter, except that I think you should do more than just say "It turns out AAron does play the guitar". Show, don't tell. Actually tell about the group finding out that he plays the guitar, like I've mentioned before.
Chapter 4- Try adding some actions to the diologue in this chapter. Like:
"Rick put his hands on his hips. 'I'm the lead vocalist, and Mike sings too.'... Rick was getting a bit red in the face at this time, I really didn't think that he would take his singing so personally! He threw his hands up in frustration. 'Ok, if you think we suck, just admit it!'"
Something to that effect. Would make for much more interesting reading. Also, why would the band be playing at a chior rehearsal to begin with?
-Em
9/27/2003 c3 9poodlefreak
Okay, just a few things.
The first chapter is really awkward and not really revelant.
Also, AAron is probably not gonna know what their schedules are unless he stood right behind someone with a schedule and read it, or unless the other people said it out loud.
And sometimes you word things awkwardly.
But please keep writing! I really wanna know what happens next, so keep up the story!
9poodlefreakOkay, just a few things.
The first chapter is really awkward and not really revelant.
Also, AAron is probably not gonna know what their schedules are unless he stood right behind someone with a schedule and read it, or unless the other people said it out loud.
And sometimes you word things awkwardly.
But please keep writing! I really wanna know what happens next, so keep up the story!
9/13/2003 c3 A-LiA12
Cool Story. Your characters are pretty funny. Some things made me laugh. LoL. But they do sound a tad bit stuck up and mean. Hating ppl just b/c they wear abercrombie? And being so mean to that Kevin guy? well i hope Shannon gets in the band...that would make the story interesting.And the new guy sounds cool.
*please R&R my story. Thanks
Cool Story. Your characters are pretty funny. Some things made me laugh. LoL. But they do sound a tad bit stuck up and mean. Hating ppl just b/c they wear abercrombie? And being so mean to that Kevin guy? well i hope Shannon gets in the band...that would make the story interesting.And the new guy sounds cool.
*please R&R my story. Thanks