for Moraél11/23/2003 c1 The-Mighty-Koshi
Come back! I want some more! Give me more! Continue this please!
*bows*
Come back! I want some more! Give me more! Continue this please!
*bows*
11/21/2003 c1 
4Beccamabobbers
Yami Rebecca (my alter ego): YAY! EVIL PEOPLE EBIL PEOPLESIES!
Rebecca (me): This is interesting...I think I'll review The Quicksilver Medallion soon...
Yami Rebecca: *jumps around hyperly* EBIL PEOOPLES!
Rebecca: o.O
4BeccamabobbersYami Rebecca (my alter ego): YAY! EVIL PEOPLE EBIL PEOPLESIES!
Rebecca (me): This is interesting...I think I'll review The Quicksilver Medallion soon...
Yami Rebecca: *jumps around hyperly* EBIL PEOOPLES!
Rebecca: o.O
10/16/2003 c1 27Morcar
Not bad. I'm a sucker for stuff told from the point of view of the villain.
It could, IMO, do with being a bit more subtle, at the risk of just trotting out platitudes and telling you things that I am *sure* you already know, the old truism of "show, don't tell" is - well - a truism. If you want a character to be torn by an inner conflict over whether or not they are truly evil, it's (IMO) essential that you try to avoid using the word "evil" and *completely* essential that you avoid explicitly asking the question "am I wholly evil".
What works *best* in this prologue is undoubtedly the musings on her name, with the name you have a metaphor for both evil and destiny without having to get all clunky and actually mention them too much.
27MorcarNot bad. I'm a sucker for stuff told from the point of view of the villain.
It could, IMO, do with being a bit more subtle, at the risk of just trotting out platitudes and telling you things that I am *sure* you already know, the old truism of "show, don't tell" is - well - a truism. If you want a character to be torn by an inner conflict over whether or not they are truly evil, it's (IMO) essential that you try to avoid using the word "evil" and *completely* essential that you avoid explicitly asking the question "am I wholly evil".
What works *best* in this prologue is undoubtedly the musings on her name, with the name you have a metaphor for both evil and destiny without having to get all clunky and actually mention them too much.
10/11/2003 c1 39zelle
Oh my god...
Sorry, but my mind was so blown away by the power of this prologue that I was pretty much left gaping and wanting to read it again.
Hee! ^_^.
I meant to read the Quicksilver Medallion first, honest! But-but-the Title! It was too attractive! And then, whoops! My mouse *mysteriously* clicked on this one instead.
And here I am, left with a humongous grin and a highly inspirational feeling crawling around somewhere in the back of my head.
Please tell me you'll continue this? *gives the puppy look*
Lovely, lovely, marvellous, marvellous.
ALSO! Thanks so much for reviewing my humble story! *bows*
As for Zelle's character oddities? WEll, in the beginning, her character was shaped largely off mine...only now she seems to have more of her own voice ^_^.
And the falling-out-of-the-tree weirdness? Well, I had this weird experience just a month before I first formulated the idea and wrote it where I fell out of a tree. And that was pretty much what I was feeling at the moment. Like, I just sort of stepped out of my body and I started noting the most insignificant things...
And then I hit the ground...which hurt. Alot.
But anyways, marvellous work of yours, it is. Am looking forward to reading the Quicksilver Medallion.
After school stops trying to kill me, that is. x_X
39zelleOh my god...
Sorry, but my mind was so blown away by the power of this prologue that I was pretty much left gaping and wanting to read it again.
Hee! ^_^.
I meant to read the Quicksilver Medallion first, honest! But-but-the Title! It was too attractive! And then, whoops! My mouse *mysteriously* clicked on this one instead.
And here I am, left with a humongous grin and a highly inspirational feeling crawling around somewhere in the back of my head.
Please tell me you'll continue this? *gives the puppy look*
Lovely, lovely, marvellous, marvellous.
ALSO! Thanks so much for reviewing my humble story! *bows*
As for Zelle's character oddities? WEll, in the beginning, her character was shaped largely off mine...only now she seems to have more of her own voice ^_^.
And the falling-out-of-the-tree weirdness? Well, I had this weird experience just a month before I first formulated the idea and wrote it where I fell out of a tree. And that was pretty much what I was feeling at the moment. Like, I just sort of stepped out of my body and I started noting the most insignificant things...
And then I hit the ground...which hurt. Alot.
But anyways, marvellous work of yours, it is. Am looking forward to reading the Quicksilver Medallion.
After school stops trying to kill me, that is. x_X
9/19/2003 c1 32Morbane
Oh *appreciative deep breath*, I *love* the tone. I don't know if the piece works, structurally, on its own, but the tone's just wonderful - with elements of both the sympathetic and the chilling. Hm, and that's ineptly worded. Oh well. :)
32MorbaneOh *appreciative deep breath*, I *love* the tone. I don't know if the piece works, structurally, on its own, but the tone's just wonderful - with elements of both the sympathetic and the chilling. Hm, and that's ineptly worded. Oh well. :)
9/13/2003 c1 ilelia
Great job here! I really want to know more about this character! I wait to see more of this come out, but for now I'll go read your main project.
Great job here! I really want to know more about this character! I wait to see more of this come out, but for now I'll go read your main project.
9/10/2003 c1 9Magentian
oh! Wow! Another side project! Grief, you're popping out ideas all over the place, aren't you?
This sounds far more like the standard fantasy format-thingie than most of your writing. Ice's Fire and the Egyptian story (title name fails me now) are really much more original... of course, I could just be saying this because of the fact that I've done something with *content edited for spoilers*, and it resembles this. But a Destroyer's personality really does offer a lot of possibilities for angst, drama, general evilness *joy!*, and the like. Let's see what you can do.
9Magentianoh! Wow! Another side project! Grief, you're popping out ideas all over the place, aren't you?
This sounds far more like the standard fantasy format-thingie than most of your writing. Ice's Fire and the Egyptian story (title name fails me now) are really much more original... of course, I could just be saying this because of the fact that I've done something with *content edited for spoilers*, and it resembles this. But a Destroyer's personality really does offer a lot of possibilities for angst, drama, general evilness *joy!*, and the like. Let's see what you can do.