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3/5/2004 c24 26Endless Nightmares
Hmm-
Maybe not 100, but close to it.
Nicely done!
3/5/2004 c23 Endless Nightmares
Hello-
Charisma got emotional, how sad. Oh well, some characters can't seem to let their emotions alone.
But overall, great job!
Whispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c22 Endless Nightmares
Hmm-
"Screaming he brought it from her."
It should be read like,
" Screaming, he brought it from her."
You have a comma problem just like me, and it sucks.
But you have made some nice descriptions, which actually helped this chapter from being a flop.
Nicely done!
Whispers In SIlence
3/5/2004 c21 Endless Nightmares
Hello-
I hate act like Simon now, but I did not like this sentence:
"Flicking in the hazy fog above her and rain and lightning, read one white sign."
First of all, it starts out nice, but it just doesn't seem clear.
I think this sounds better.
" Droplets of rain began to fall, as she read the white sign, which was very sloppily written."
or
"As rain began to fall steadily, a heavy fog formed surrounding her, causing her to squint at the white sign."
Hopefully, those will help you better.
All in all, I liked the chapter, just thought I'd help you with it.
WHispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c20 Endless Nightmares
Hello-
Commas don't seem to be your best friend. I would advise you to look up on how to use commas correctly.
I mean you have good comma usuage, but some places need them.
All in all, nicely done!
WHispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c19 Endless Nightmares
Hmm-
Great chapter, Ham.
3/5/2004 c18 Endless Nightmares
Heh-
I really like your narration paragraphs, because thats where your best descriptions are.
Short chapter, but very enjoying.
WHispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c17 Endless Nightmares
Geez-
Crazy chapter. Nice horror build up. Very nice.
Enjoyed it!
Whispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c16 Endless Nightmares
Hello-
Some commas should have been placed around in the chapter.
One should placed after the thrid word of the 2nd to last paragraph.
All in all, great job. Saw some blood, but not the splatterpunk.
Maybe next chapter, who knows?
Whispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c15 Endless Nightmares
Hmm.. Interesting...
Very nice.
3/5/2004 c14 Endless Nightmares
Hello-
I am going for the 100th review hopefully.
Very good.
3/5/2004 c13 Endless Nightmares
Hello-
Well, very nice chapter. Some places of suspence, and especially at the end.
Nice job!
WHispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c12 Endless Nightmares
To tell you the truth- change the rating of this story, dude, heh.
But great chapter though.
WHispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c11 Endless Nightmares
Fools gold makes me laugh, j/k, it sounds literally like the person is a fool for finding the gold thats fake.
I've never found fools golds, and I never will.
Interesting chapter, keep it up.
Whispers In Silence
3/5/2004 c10 Endless Nightmares
Hmm-
Very nice, very good. Great descriptions of things.
Very good improvement from your last chapter.
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