for Picture Perfect9/23/2003 c1 
132Sarah Parker
I was surprised to find that I'd never reviewed this one, because I distinctly remember reading it... it's wonderful, really... as your stuff always seems to be, which is purely amazing that you can throw out such great stuff and keep it coming. (please, DO keep it coming!)
I love how in this piece... you never actually say the name of the object or of the person you're thinking of... you describe things without ever stating what they are, which is what makes it such a great poem. chillingly dark.. but beautiful.
132Sarah ParkerI was surprised to find that I'd never reviewed this one, because I distinctly remember reading it... it's wonderful, really... as your stuff always seems to be, which is purely amazing that you can throw out such great stuff and keep it coming. (please, DO keep it coming!)
I love how in this piece... you never actually say the name of the object or of the person you're thinking of... you describe things without ever stating what they are, which is what makes it such a great poem. chillingly dark.. but beautiful.
9/20/2003 c1 196Damaged
I love this! It's so powerful, it left me breathless. Um, I think that I'd title it not "Picture Perfect" but just "Picture" or "Memory" or something that implys looking back on something of the past, if you get where I'm heading. Awesome poem! Keep up the great work!
196DamagedI love this! It's so powerful, it left me breathless. Um, I think that I'd title it not "Picture Perfect" but just "Picture" or "Memory" or something that implys looking back on something of the past, if you get where I'm heading. Awesome poem! Keep up the great work!
9/10/2003 c1 8XOXOChibiChibiSM
Hi! Chibi here. Haven't heard from me in awhile, have ya? Anyway, I don't have any ideas or anything, but I'd just like to tell you it's a really cool poem. Better than anything I've written so far, anyway. I gotsta go..so..bye! *~Chibi~*
8XOXOChibiChibiSMHi! Chibi here. Haven't heard from me in awhile, have ya? Anyway, I don't have any ideas or anything, but I'd just like to tell you it's a really cool poem. Better than anything I've written so far, anyway. I gotsta go..so..bye! *~Chibi~*
9/10/2003 c1 70insert name here
good job! its a little different from most of ur other pieces, but its really good. i like it!
~brnedz
70insert name heregood job! its a little different from most of ur other pieces, but its really good. i like it!
~brnedz
9/9/2003 c1 10seabert
that was really powerful...I liked it a lot; you phrase things really well. But you wanted criticism? Well, I'll try...
1. You don't have to end each line with a comma-just follow the grammar of the sentence.
2. You can break the whole thing into sentences-the run-on sentence combined with the line breaks makes it drag and be weird or...something...
3. Some of your participles would be made into actual verbs, like "Running my index finger across its jagged front / I wonder how something so very inanimate / can bring so much life to my once so lonely room."
4. This isn't really criticism, but the imagery, though cool, is a little vague to me: the narrator is looking at a framed picture of her (his?) father and remembering him, right?
I hope you don't take any of this the wrong way...I really think the poem is awesome, but someone once gave me criticism like this and it helped a lot. I'm not an expert, and these suggestions are only my opinion, but I hope you consider them (even if only briefly).
Sorry about the title, but I'm really bad at coming up with them. Maybe you could try something like "In That Frame", only better.
I really like the phrase, "I can almost smell the comfort of his cologne"
Really, really good-good luck!
10seabertthat was really powerful...I liked it a lot; you phrase things really well. But you wanted criticism? Well, I'll try...
1. You don't have to end each line with a comma-just follow the grammar of the sentence.
2. You can break the whole thing into sentences-the run-on sentence combined with the line breaks makes it drag and be weird or...something...
3. Some of your participles would be made into actual verbs, like "Running my index finger across its jagged front / I wonder how something so very inanimate / can bring so much life to my once so lonely room."
4. This isn't really criticism, but the imagery, though cool, is a little vague to me: the narrator is looking at a framed picture of her (his?) father and remembering him, right?
I hope you don't take any of this the wrong way...I really think the poem is awesome, but someone once gave me criticism like this and it helped a lot. I'm not an expert, and these suggestions are only my opinion, but I hope you consider them (even if only briefly).
Sorry about the title, but I'm really bad at coming up with them. Maybe you could try something like "In That Frame", only better.
I really like the phrase, "I can almost smell the comfort of his cologne"
Really, really good-good luck!
9/9/2003 c1 Roxy Marie
You have very beautiful language.
One thing: The first two lines both ended with "-tion" which made me think you were trying to rhyme. (Obviously that wasn't what you wanted.) Just wanted to point that out.
It was very descriptive, and you left a vivid picture in my mind. It's not something that will soon leave me. I loved it.
You have very beautiful language.
One thing: The first two lines both ended with "-tion" which made me think you were trying to rhyme. (Obviously that wasn't what you wanted.) Just wanted to point that out.
It was very descriptive, and you left a vivid picture in my mind. It's not something that will soon leave me. I loved it.