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9/14/2003 c1 211avani.awakening
Beatiful...I can't figure out what it's about...I got the vision of a sunset in the beginning of the poem, but it sounded more like abuse near the end. And please take out the line that appears twice in the poem: "I saw it this morning." It sounds like you're trying to be funny by using both spellings (mourning/morning) and the line doesn't fit at all. If you insist on keeping that line, at least don't let it be the last line of the poem. "Phoenix mourning in the sky" is a perfect ending.

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