for In Danger's Path9/2/2004 c4 
4swaggering curses
Again, awesome... I love your writing style and the descriptions. As for suggestions, could you possibly add some more general descriptions? Of the town as a whole (large, small, run-down, market town, blahblahblah), the Elfin kingdom, just the big picture more than anything. It would help to ground the story. If you have any idea what I'm talking about.
And, they walk for, what, a day? and get to human lands, when it's obvious that humans and elves aren't quite on the best of terms? That could create some technical difficulties, shall we say...
And last, the prince of the Elfin lands just... walks out? Shouldn't there be some minor disturbance back at the castle when it's discovered that they're missing?... If you'd been planning on adding something about that, my apologies. though it seems you haven't worked on it in some time. Please don't abandon this. It's shaping up to be a kickass story. ..forgive the profanity.
=)
4swaggering cursesAgain, awesome... I love your writing style and the descriptions. As for suggestions, could you possibly add some more general descriptions? Of the town as a whole (large, small, run-down, market town, blahblahblah), the Elfin kingdom, just the big picture more than anything. It would help to ground the story. If you have any idea what I'm talking about.
And, they walk for, what, a day? and get to human lands, when it's obvious that humans and elves aren't quite on the best of terms? That could create some technical difficulties, shall we say...
And last, the prince of the Elfin lands just... walks out? Shouldn't there be some minor disturbance back at the castle when it's discovered that they're missing?... If you'd been planning on adding something about that, my apologies. though it seems you haven't worked on it in some time. Please don't abandon this. It's shaping up to be a kickass story. ..forgive the profanity.
=)
8/27/2004 c4 44J Pine
Wish I could be more descriptive in giving my review of the story so far...but I can't! So I'll just say GREAT JOB, very descriptive, and can't wait for the next chapter
BTW: Thanks for the review on Ring Warriors: Markel
44J PineWish I could be more descriptive in giving my review of the story so far...but I can't! So I'll just say GREAT JOB, very descriptive, and can't wait for the next chapter
BTW: Thanks for the review on Ring Warriors: Markel
4/13/2004 c2 20randomfanwriter
I REALLY LOVE THIS STORY! I wonder when you are going to be back though. I hope soon! Please you have to update immediatly when you get back!
20randomfanwriterI REALLY LOVE THIS STORY! I wonder when you are going to be back though. I hope soon! Please you have to update immediatly when you get back!
1/10/2004 c4 36Vulpine Ninja
WOW! I really like this chapter! The conflict between humans and elves. The fight between Echo and Ricky. yeah i really like Ricky.
as for my 'War of Rigel', humans look up to the elves and look down on demi-humans. ^_^
Hurry up and finish it!
36Vulpine NinjaWOW! I really like this chapter! The conflict between humans and elves. The fight between Echo and Ricky. yeah i really like Ricky.
as for my 'War of Rigel', humans look up to the elves and look down on demi-humans. ^_^
Hurry up and finish it!
1/10/2004 c1 Vulpine Ninja
Khimee reminds me of Sorceress Edea in Final Fantasy 8.
i really like the way you write!
Khimee reminds me of Sorceress Edea in Final Fantasy 8.
i really like the way you write!
1/1/2004 c4 1Orion Phoenix
Hey, are you guys gonna continue this story or what? Not trying to be rude or anything, but I want to read more. I've been checking up every now and then to see if there's a new chapter and guess what...my dreams are always shattered. Welp, whenever you update, if you update, I'll be waiting.
Phoenix
1Orion PhoenixHey, are you guys gonna continue this story or what? Not trying to be rude or anything, but I want to read more. I've been checking up every now and then to see if there's a new chapter and guess what...my dreams are always shattered. Welp, whenever you update, if you update, I'll be waiting.
Phoenix
12/12/2003 c4 8DeeEe
I never liked the idea that elves insulted humans, but I find it difficult to disagree with thier claims. This chapter was a good way to put the four characters in one spot and to introduce the personality of Tyrone and Echo. Good job and I like the name Khimee better, it sounds more serious and magical.
8DeeEeI never liked the idea that elves insulted humans, but I find it difficult to disagree with thier claims. This chapter was a good way to put the four characters in one spot and to introduce the personality of Tyrone and Echo. Good job and I like the name Khimee better, it sounds more serious and magical.
12/12/2003 c3 DeeEe
Oh... female pirate. Much more unique than a male one. I love the way she locked the other one back in. I'm hoping that she will be the pirate in the summary. :) Good job keep up the good work.
Oh... female pirate. Much more unique than a male one. I love the way she locked the other one back in. I'm hoping that she will be the pirate in the summary. :) Good job keep up the good work.
12/12/2003 c2 DeeEe
Near the top you used the word patently instead of paitently (4th paragraph). I really want to know why he's being called and I do understand that's the point. Tyrone seems like a nice character and I can't wait to see how his personality developes. The same with Echo.
Near the top you used the word patently instead of paitently (4th paragraph). I really want to know why he's being called and I do understand that's the point. Tyrone seems like a nice character and I can't wait to see how his personality developes. The same with Echo.
12/12/2003 c1 DeeEe
This is a brillant beginning. I love the sorceress and tiger. Your discription gave them life and the prologue has made it difficult for me to not read on. I can't find any real places for improvement but I'll think about it carefully.
This is a brillant beginning. I love the sorceress and tiger. Your discription gave them life and the prologue has made it difficult for me to not read on. I can't find any real places for improvement but I'll think about it carefully.
12/3/2003 c4 Kyandoru
wow this is really good the characters are so well done and the plot is great! update soon!
ja ne
wow this is really good the characters are so well done and the plot is great! update soon!
ja ne
11/21/2003 c1 1Kinoki
hi. i did not read your story yet cause i have to go to school- *sigh* school. what "genius" invented that anyway? i just wanted to thank you for all the great tips. give me some time and i'll improve the whole story. it is my first one, so i need all the advice i can get.
-Zion
1Kinokihi. i did not read your story yet cause i have to go to school- *sigh* school. what "genius" invented that anyway? i just wanted to thank you for all the great tips. give me some time and i'll improve the whole story. it is my first one, so i need all the advice i can get.
-Zion
11/19/2003 c3 18Wrider
Oh...Ricky is a sly one, putting the lock back on the other man's cell, hee hee, I already can tell I'm going to love her.
Oh! and she steals stuff as she passes the items by...good good stuff. (If you can't tell, i'm reviewing as I'm reading so you can get all my comments as i read)
Well, then, the chapter ended...and I can see that this pirate girl will meet up with the elves...since she is in Yeher, and that's where they are headed. I eagerly await this episode, the elves are just going to love Ricky. (grin)
PS...you're an excellent writer! You write stuff that is fluent - you write with words that tell the tale as the reader reads. Your words just...unfold the story before a person's eyes. It's great! (I am especially enjoying this one and all the characters, and i've only read three chapters!)
18WriderOh...Ricky is a sly one, putting the lock back on the other man's cell, hee hee, I already can tell I'm going to love her.
Oh! and she steals stuff as she passes the items by...good good stuff. (If you can't tell, i'm reviewing as I'm reading so you can get all my comments as i read)
Well, then, the chapter ended...and I can see that this pirate girl will meet up with the elves...since she is in Yeher, and that's where they are headed. I eagerly await this episode, the elves are just going to love Ricky. (grin)
PS...you're an excellent writer! You write stuff that is fluent - you write with words that tell the tale as the reader reads. Your words just...unfold the story before a person's eyes. It's great! (I am especially enjoying this one and all the characters, and i've only read three chapters!)