for Molly Smiles7/15/2005 c29 
1Variable X
oh god, you made me cry. A lot too. My mom thought that someone had died! She was all like "WHo died?" and all i did was point at the screen and say , "He did!" and continued to sob. t was actually quite amusing.
1Variable Xoh god, you made me cry. A lot too. My mom thought that someone had died! She was all like "WHo died?" and all i did was point at the screen and say , "He did!" and continued to sob. t was actually quite amusing.
7/13/2005 c29 Shaina
oh god i've cried too many times today, and this one has seriously topped it off! My my my my its so sad i can't believe it :( You're an amazing writer. haha a tear drop just fell down my cheek and landed on this keyboard. i can't believe he slit his wrist again :( oh god im gonna cry again!
oh god i've cried too many times today, and this one has seriously topped it off! My my my my its so sad i can't believe it :( You're an amazing writer. haha a tear drop just fell down my cheek and landed on this keyboard. i can't believe he slit his wrist again :( oh god im gonna cry again!
7/10/2005 c28 Tara
OMG! I love this story. Almost made me cry, almost. And I'm not really an emotional person. The song at the end I heard in Uptown Girls and that cute guy sings it, I have it on my computer and thought it was absolutely brilliant that you had Will write it for Molly. You're a great writer, definetly keep it up!
OMG! I love this story. Almost made me cry, almost. And I'm not really an emotional person. The song at the end I heard in Uptown Girls and that cute guy sings it, I have it on my computer and thought it was absolutely brilliant that you had Will write it for Molly. You're a great writer, definetly keep it up!
6/15/2005 c29 ellabella
i dunno if you meant it to be as a joke but in the first chapter when they meet she tells him her father died of lung cancer. which he didn't, as we see in later chapters. i'm not sure if you were joking or what the hell was happening but i got confused fast. i just thought i'd let you know in case it was a mistake. anyway, i gotta go. that was a pretty good story. a lot was... not really believable. my father left when i was four and since he has made it clear that i am waste of space, at numerous times and i don't feel the need to cut my self. and neither does my sister or my two brothers or my friends who have been in the same situation... except one, but her reasons are not related to her father. also there is a difference between people who cut themselves and people who commit suicide. it's very small but it's there. people who cut themselves usually do it to feel good whereas people who commit suicide do it so that they can feel nothing. however people can feel both ways if provoked. i was just really confused as you started him out to be a simple cutter then delved him right in there to the dark end when i'm sure worse shit than molly not showing up for a few days, had happened to him. also, it was never really addressed that she had a job. i think there was one reference to a job and that was to the guy from Kentucky. she was barely at school so how the hell did she maintain a job? and how does someone just up and leave their parents and move cities by themselves? how did she get furniture? how did she get to and from school? how could she get back in a car after what happened to her brother? how could she drink after what happened to her brother? how old is she? how old was will? did he have any siblings?
i'm sorry but so many details, i felt, were left out that would have made this story so much better. it is a really good story but not as good as it could be. now that i've counted out things i felt were unanswered, why don't i boost your ego?
i liked how they interacted. you did the dialogue very well and i felt what they were saying was very believable. thus your character definition was done really well. i loved how you structured parts of the story to blend in together, examples being the 'promise' that he'd never do it again that was raised later (and i must say, having dealt with a cutter for a best friend. if they promise you they won't do it then they're lying. because once a cutter, always a cutter. the only way to make it better is to try not to give them reasons to cut), another example is the song 'molly smiles' and how that links to the title. that was cute. another example is all those little things that she remembered in chapter 26, when she finds him dead. also i liked how you wrote that. my cutter friend turned suicidal a few times and the first time she was really upset and i asked her if she was okay and she said "i'll be fine. Everything will be fine by Friday. Everyone will be happy then"... it's morbid things like that, that you included that made it so real for me. i want to commend you for your efforts on the suicide chapter. i don't believe any one can put to words what it is like to find some one who has committed suicide but you did a good job. its not like those bungled ones i see every now and again. i found who had hanged himself, he was my cousins fiancé. so i can sort of say with conviction that you did a good job and know what i am talking about. in summation, i liked the flash backs, i liked the suicide scene, i liked the dialogue, i liked the character definition (i loved her mothers character. you did a good job in conveying her 'refinement' and 'snobbishness'), i liked molly's character and how she was always helpful and kind and I thought the ‘intro’ chapter was great! Especially how it ended with whole-
"My name is Molly White. I'm sixteen years old, and I'm originally from New York City. I've moved to Los Angeles by myself," Molly paused as some students exchanged looks of suprise.
"And... I plan on staying here for a while." (this was written so well it’s not funny)
i think what you can do to make this story better is to add more depth. go through the scenes and describe her surroundings some more. go more into the thoughts and give your characters a past. it was almost like Will did nothing, said nothing and liked nothing until molly came. he had no real past experiences. he remembered nothing from his childhood, or rather, it wasn't mentioned. he had no real friends. his band members didn't really talk to him so how did he end up in their band? no mentions of him going to a practise some songs with them or anything, were made. I also felt like jack was thrown upon me. All this time reading this story I was thinking that no one back home cared about her but jack seemed different. He didn’t ring her until AFTER she went and saw him. It was kind of thoughtless. It was like they had no REAL past, just some harsh memories. Anywho. That’s all I have to say. I hope I didn’t offend you. I wanted to give you a proper review, with both pros and cons. I hope it helps. Cya later
ellabella
p.s- i in no way shape or form resemble a writer. i just know what i like and don't like. feel free to read my stuff and make me cringe (i know i have made some pretty crappy mistakes that need fixing quick). i SUCK and this time it's not some brilliant writer saying it. i don't edit, which i should. cya later
i dunno if you meant it to be as a joke but in the first chapter when they meet she tells him her father died of lung cancer. which he didn't, as we see in later chapters. i'm not sure if you were joking or what the hell was happening but i got confused fast. i just thought i'd let you know in case it was a mistake. anyway, i gotta go. that was a pretty good story. a lot was... not really believable. my father left when i was four and since he has made it clear that i am waste of space, at numerous times and i don't feel the need to cut my self. and neither does my sister or my two brothers or my friends who have been in the same situation... except one, but her reasons are not related to her father. also there is a difference between people who cut themselves and people who commit suicide. it's very small but it's there. people who cut themselves usually do it to feel good whereas people who commit suicide do it so that they can feel nothing. however people can feel both ways if provoked. i was just really confused as you started him out to be a simple cutter then delved him right in there to the dark end when i'm sure worse shit than molly not showing up for a few days, had happened to him. also, it was never really addressed that she had a job. i think there was one reference to a job and that was to the guy from Kentucky. she was barely at school so how the hell did she maintain a job? and how does someone just up and leave their parents and move cities by themselves? how did she get furniture? how did she get to and from school? how could she get back in a car after what happened to her brother? how could she drink after what happened to her brother? how old is she? how old was will? did he have any siblings?
i'm sorry but so many details, i felt, were left out that would have made this story so much better. it is a really good story but not as good as it could be. now that i've counted out things i felt were unanswered, why don't i boost your ego?
i liked how they interacted. you did the dialogue very well and i felt what they were saying was very believable. thus your character definition was done really well. i loved how you structured parts of the story to blend in together, examples being the 'promise' that he'd never do it again that was raised later (and i must say, having dealt with a cutter for a best friend. if they promise you they won't do it then they're lying. because once a cutter, always a cutter. the only way to make it better is to try not to give them reasons to cut), another example is the song 'molly smiles' and how that links to the title. that was cute. another example is all those little things that she remembered in chapter 26, when she finds him dead. also i liked how you wrote that. my cutter friend turned suicidal a few times and the first time she was really upset and i asked her if she was okay and she said "i'll be fine. Everything will be fine by Friday. Everyone will be happy then"... it's morbid things like that, that you included that made it so real for me. i want to commend you for your efforts on the suicide chapter. i don't believe any one can put to words what it is like to find some one who has committed suicide but you did a good job. its not like those bungled ones i see every now and again. i found who had hanged himself, he was my cousins fiancé. so i can sort of say with conviction that you did a good job and know what i am talking about. in summation, i liked the flash backs, i liked the suicide scene, i liked the dialogue, i liked the character definition (i loved her mothers character. you did a good job in conveying her 'refinement' and 'snobbishness'), i liked molly's character and how she was always helpful and kind and I thought the ‘intro’ chapter was great! Especially how it ended with whole-
"My name is Molly White. I'm sixteen years old, and I'm originally from New York City. I've moved to Los Angeles by myself," Molly paused as some students exchanged looks of suprise.
"And... I plan on staying here for a while." (this was written so well it’s not funny)
i think what you can do to make this story better is to add more depth. go through the scenes and describe her surroundings some more. go more into the thoughts and give your characters a past. it was almost like Will did nothing, said nothing and liked nothing until molly came. he had no real past experiences. he remembered nothing from his childhood, or rather, it wasn't mentioned. he had no real friends. his band members didn't really talk to him so how did he end up in their band? no mentions of him going to a practise some songs with them or anything, were made. I also felt like jack was thrown upon me. All this time reading this story I was thinking that no one back home cared about her but jack seemed different. He didn’t ring her until AFTER she went and saw him. It was kind of thoughtless. It was like they had no REAL past, just some harsh memories. Anywho. That’s all I have to say. I hope I didn’t offend you. I wanted to give you a proper review, with both pros and cons. I hope it helps. Cya later
ellabella
p.s- i in no way shape or form resemble a writer. i just know what i like and don't like. feel free to read my stuff and make me cringe (i know i have made some pretty crappy mistakes that need fixing quick). i SUCK and this time it's not some brilliant writer saying it. i don't edit, which i should. cya later
6/6/2005 c29 Kythia
This is an amazing story. i love the character Molly was, and how she ends up, although the ending almost made me cry! I have a friend who was in the hospital for attemped suiside (I cant spell) and it is a horrible thing. Maybe you could hold onto this ending, but put at the top of the death one that allows people to read the alternate. Anyways, it is an amazing story, good job!
This is an amazing story. i love the character Molly was, and how she ends up, although the ending almost made me cry! I have a friend who was in the hospital for attemped suiside (I cant spell) and it is a horrible thing. Maybe you could hold onto this ending, but put at the top of the death one that allows people to read the alternate. Anyways, it is an amazing story, good job!
5/15/2005 c28 Pia
ohmy! HE DIED! that's so sad. :( anyway, this is a nice story. :) you're a good writer. keep it uP!
ohmy! HE DIED! that's so sad. :( anyway, this is a nice story. :) you're a good writer. keep it uP!
5/14/2005 c29 Angie
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT! NO! T.T T.TIt practicaly ruined the whole story!
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT! NO! T.T T.TIt practicaly ruined the whole story!
5/2/2005 c29 Mebbie
OMG, i just read this gem. I can't believe he died, its so sad, its a perfect ending admittedly but i'm a sucker for happy endings, you should consider doing an alternate version, it was such a nicely put together fic though too, quite simple but well put together, so sad though.
Did he think she didn't love him after she took the phone call when she got back? I thought she'd end up pregnant somehow though ;) *sigh* I know people who cut though, they're irrational, moody- exactly what you portrayed, well done.
OMG, i just read this gem. I can't believe he died, its so sad, its a perfect ending admittedly but i'm a sucker for happy endings, you should consider doing an alternate version, it was such a nicely put together fic though too, quite simple but well put together, so sad though.
Did he think she didn't love him after she took the phone call when she got back? I thought she'd end up pregnant somehow though ;) *sigh* I know people who cut though, they're irrational, moody- exactly what you portrayed, well done.
5/1/2005 c29 Pulsera
HOW COULD YOU! YOU KILLED HIM!
o_o
I am freaking out right now, I think I am going to cry ;_; whah ;_;
HOW COULD YOU! YOU KILLED HIM!
o_o
I am freaking out right now, I think I am going to cry ;_; whah ;_;
4/2/2005 c29 shattered soul
wow...that was really good, and really sad! you are an awsome writer and just...wow
wow...that was really good, and really sad! you are an awsome writer and just...wow
3/14/2005 c29 6jukeboxsabotage
gr...WHY? i love emo boys and he was just so awesome and everything...why did he have to die? hm...did you say alternate ending? where? are you gonna put it up? please? and she's pregnant! AH...omg...haha...okay, i can't stand this...gah
6jukeboxsabotagegr...WHY? i love emo boys and he was just so awesome and everything...why did he have to die? hm...did you say alternate ending? where? are you gonna put it up? please? and she's pregnant! AH...omg...haha...okay, i can't stand this...gah
3/8/2005 c28 retoxrainbow
I love this story. I was so sad when Will killed himself. I thought he was getting better. I keep thinking "If Molly told him that he loved her, would that have stopped him?" I was so upset at first, but i think the sad ending was made a little happier by finding out that Molly was pregnant. I was nearly in tears when I read that Will committed suicide. I usually hate sad endings, but i like this one. You are an amazing writer, so keep writing.
I love this story. I was so sad when Will killed himself. I thought he was getting better. I keep thinking "If Molly told him that he loved her, would that have stopped him?" I was so upset at first, but i think the sad ending was made a little happier by finding out that Molly was pregnant. I was nearly in tears when I read that Will committed suicide. I usually hate sad endings, but i like this one. You are an amazing writer, so keep writing.
2/20/2005 c29 CTRL
Omg...
I honestly love this story, i love it so much.
I can't believe Will killed himself.
And it took me a second time to re-read the last chapter to realize that Molly was pregnant.
Jeez, im gonna cry now.
I just want to tell you this story is flippin' **BRILLIANT**! And its *DEFIANTLY* going on my Favorite Stories List.
You rock.
Sydney*
Omg...
I honestly love this story, i love it so much.
I can't believe Will killed himself.
And it took me a second time to re-read the last chapter to realize that Molly was pregnant.
Jeez, im gonna cry now.
I just want to tell you this story is flippin' **BRILLIANT**! And its *DEFIANTLY* going on my Favorite Stories List.
You rock.
Sydney*