for Molly Smiles6/20/2004 c28 becca
OMG- SHE'S PREGNANT... OMG! HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DIEDED! NO THATS MAKING ME CRY... WA!
OMG- SHE'S PREGNANT... OMG! HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DIEDED! NO THATS MAKING ME CRY... WA!
5/24/2004 c29 
3Fork in the River
That was one of the saddest things that i have ever read... it made me cry so hard. its so sweet... just kida mkes you think... i loved the ending, its sad and all, and i read alot of the reviews and all of the people the said that they didnt like the ending, buy the whole story just wouldn't have had the same effect if the end had been different. Thats the kind of thing that makes an impact on people...
3Fork in the RiverThat was one of the saddest things that i have ever read... it made me cry so hard. its so sweet... just kida mkes you think... i loved the ending, its sad and all, and i read alot of the reviews and all of the people the said that they didnt like the ending, buy the whole story just wouldn't have had the same effect if the end had been different. Thats the kind of thing that makes an impact on people...
5/21/2004 c27 5Methros
this is possible one of they most beatiful things i have ever read on this site.
congradulations for making such a brilliant story.
5Methrosthis is possible one of they most beatiful things i have ever read on this site.
congradulations for making such a brilliant story.
5/10/2004 c28 4SilverAndFlames
SOBS
NO!
I LOVE the story but I want another ending pleae please please?
4SilverAndFlamesSOBS
NO!
I LOVE the story but I want another ending pleae please please?
4/18/2004 c29 35pixy-dizzy
Oh...my...God...that was so sad...but beautiful. *sobs* BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE AN ALTERNATE ENDING! Pwease? This...man, that was sad...and ironic, at the same time. Great job.
35pixy-dizzyOh...my...God...that was so sad...but beautiful. *sobs* BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE AN ALTERNATE ENDING! Pwease? This...man, that was sad...and ironic, at the same time. Great job.
4/2/2004 c29 Christina Feindel
First of all, I'd like to say how great your story was. It stayed true to life in all of its forms. You have some great ideas, and I hope what I have to say next can help make those ideas even more amazing when written down.
I noticed a few simple spelling mistakes and word-mixups ("setting" when it should read "sitting"). You might have someone-an English teacher, a friend, or a parent-read over your work and try to find such things. (I make those mistakes all the time! My mom has been such a help when it comes to spelling and grammar!) Also, there were quite a few "dangling modifiers" (you might want to look up the mechanics, but basically it's a sentence like "the man drove the car wearing a yellow hat." We know that the man is wearing the hat, but if you read the sentence literally, then it says that the car is wearing the hat, not the man.) You might also limit your use of -ing verbs. The sentence "Fear starting to rise up inside of her, without a second thought she shot up from the bed, slipping her shoes on and running out of her apartment in a frenzy." Tells me that, she shoots up off of the bed, slips her shoes on, AND runs out of the apartment, all at the same time. These actions should take place chronologically, and so you might write something like: "Fear started to rise up inside of her. Without a second thought she shot up from the bed, slipped her shoes on and ran out of the apartment in a frenzy."
I didn't feel very close to the characters, either. One thing I've found helpful when it comes to character development is having a "20 Questions" type of thing: taking notes on their favorite food, color, song, phrase, book, etc. And if you're ever really bored in Algebra class or the like, you can try holding imaginary conversations with your characters, as crazy as it might sound. Even though you created the characters, they can still surprise you with what they might say. Getting to know them is the first and most important step in writing an effective, emotional story.
I hope I have provided some form of help. I loved reading your story. I couldn't stop "turning the pages," so to speak. I look forward to anything you might write in the future.
First of all, I'd like to say how great your story was. It stayed true to life in all of its forms. You have some great ideas, and I hope what I have to say next can help make those ideas even more amazing when written down.
I noticed a few simple spelling mistakes and word-mixups ("setting" when it should read "sitting"). You might have someone-an English teacher, a friend, or a parent-read over your work and try to find such things. (I make those mistakes all the time! My mom has been such a help when it comes to spelling and grammar!) Also, there were quite a few "dangling modifiers" (you might want to look up the mechanics, but basically it's a sentence like "the man drove the car wearing a yellow hat." We know that the man is wearing the hat, but if you read the sentence literally, then it says that the car is wearing the hat, not the man.) You might also limit your use of -ing verbs. The sentence "Fear starting to rise up inside of her, without a second thought she shot up from the bed, slipping her shoes on and running out of her apartment in a frenzy." Tells me that, she shoots up off of the bed, slips her shoes on, AND runs out of the apartment, all at the same time. These actions should take place chronologically, and so you might write something like: "Fear started to rise up inside of her. Without a second thought she shot up from the bed, slipped her shoes on and ran out of the apartment in a frenzy."
I didn't feel very close to the characters, either. One thing I've found helpful when it comes to character development is having a "20 Questions" type of thing: taking notes on their favorite food, color, song, phrase, book, etc. And if you're ever really bored in Algebra class or the like, you can try holding imaginary conversations with your characters, as crazy as it might sound. Even though you created the characters, they can still surprise you with what they might say. Getting to know them is the first and most important step in writing an effective, emotional story.
I hope I have provided some form of help. I loved reading your story. I couldn't stop "turning the pages," so to speak. I look forward to anything you might write in the future.
3/15/2004 c29 100Devious Angel XDemon
::wipes away all her tears:: THAT WAS SO AWESOME! I READ IT ALL!
100Devious Angel XDemon::wipes away all her tears:: THAT WAS SO AWESOME! I READ IT ALL!
3/5/2004 c29 inanutshellkizz
holeyy bjeezez that wuz no happy ending.:( molly smiles, uptown girls- love that movie..it was a tad bit um...happier. i loved your story though, completely awesome i actually teared, and i never ever ever cry in movies n stuff. oh one thing that was driving me crazy, theres no manhatten airport, theres laguardia and JFK lol. just something i had to throw out there, oh yeah, and no condos either. great job! ill be reading the sequel thingy.-
kizz*
holeyy bjeezez that wuz no happy ending.:( molly smiles, uptown girls- love that movie..it was a tad bit um...happier. i loved your story though, completely awesome i actually teared, and i never ever ever cry in movies n stuff. oh one thing that was driving me crazy, theres no manhatten airport, theres laguardia and JFK lol. just something i had to throw out there, oh yeah, and no condos either. great job! ill be reading the sequel thingy.-
kizz*
2/23/2004 c29 2Lena Carta
If I had a nickel for every cliche or stereotype you used in this story, I'd be a lot richer than I am now. Your characters seemed to be just what you've seen of a stereotype, which makes them sort of dry and unbelievable... but in any case, I couldn't help but finish it. Had to see what happened, you've got that going for you. Keep writing. =)
2Lena CartaIf I had a nickel for every cliche or stereotype you used in this story, I'd be a lot richer than I am now. Your characters seemed to be just what you've seen of a stereotype, which makes them sort of dry and unbelievable... but in any case, I couldn't help but finish it. Had to see what happened, you've got that going for you. Keep writing. =)
2/11/2004 c28 15Fukai-Ao
Wow...that was the BEST story I've ever read on FP.Com! It was funny, sad, dramatic, angsty... I just read the whole thing, and I can't really find any words to describe it except, "Wow". I've never had a story make me cry that much! I loved the ending, it was perfect! *cries* It was such a shocker! I sat there with tears in my eyes, it was just beautiful! You wrote perfectly, I can't believe that someone said your story sucked! I could go on and on about how much I loved that story, but I'll stop now. You are a very good writer, keep writing! Bye, and thanks for a great story!
~Fukai-Ao
15Fukai-AoWow...that was the BEST story I've ever read on FP.Com! It was funny, sad, dramatic, angsty... I just read the whole thing, and I can't really find any words to describe it except, "Wow". I've never had a story make me cry that much! I loved the ending, it was perfect! *cries* It was such a shocker! I sat there with tears in my eyes, it was just beautiful! You wrote perfectly, I can't believe that someone said your story sucked! I could go on and on about how much I loved that story, but I'll stop now. You are a very good writer, keep writing! Bye, and thanks for a great story!
~Fukai-Ao
1/30/2004 c29 XbrokenSMILE
new ending...please...*crys*
new ending...please...*crys*
1/20/2004 c28 29FrostedTeardrop
OMG
I just started and finished reading this story. It is so sad, Made me want to cry. I never thought that would happen in the end. Just wanted to congratulate you on a great story!
29FrostedTeardropOMG
I just started and finished reading this story. It is so sad, Made me want to cry. I never thought that would happen in the end. Just wanted to congratulate you on a great story!
1/17/2004 c1 12missing-poet
my gosh that was a phenomenal story. I cried my eyes out. William Should not have died
12missing-poetmy gosh that was a phenomenal story. I cried my eyes out. William Should not have died
1/14/2004 c29 2goodbyexforever
Aw, man.
=(
That made me almost want to cry.
I've been reading your story for quite a while now. I never actually commented because I didn't have a user name until just recently..
But I'd like you to know that I think you did a wonderful job on this story..yes, even though the ending is way too sad.
2goodbyexforeverAw, man.
=(
That made me almost want to cry.
I've been reading your story for quite a while now. I never actually commented because I didn't have a user name until just recently..
But I'd like you to know that I think you did a wonderful job on this story..yes, even though the ending is way too sad.