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1/6/2004 c1 10James Jago
Why does the description of the city remind me of Wellingborough town centre?
Good stuff; hope there's more soon.
12/6/2003 c1 RainShadow2005
I'm so used to you writing poems and essays that I was surprised when I saw that you had written a historical fiction. I have to say, you should do this more often. You have a flair for dialogue. I see what you mean by the names being slightly inaccurate, but hey, it's fiction so you deserve some creative license. :-) I especially liked the descriptions of the fallen city in the beginning. The image that sticks with me the most is that of the rotting corpse in the flooding gutter. I hope we are treated with a second chapter soon.
11/12/2003 c1 20Once in a blue moon
I like the character developing form Auspex. He could turn out very interestingly. I also enjoyed the way you told the story. You gave so many details in a terse way: not wasting any words, but not loosing its reality and, frankly, poetry.

The story is well written, though it seems a little distant because you don't really pick Gaius' brain, I supose. Not a problem, but a lot of authors choose one character and do 3rd person, limited or baised. Either way, nice refreshing style, I assume this isn't a one shot deal, so post soon!
11/8/2003 c1 MauraMellon
Somehow I'm reminded of Asterix and Obelix (must be the name "Auspex")... ;) Looks like a fun story, and I hope it'll be updated soon.
10/5/2003 c1 1Vivian Bennett
*Where once had stood great temples to Jupiter, Mars

and Mercury the god of Commerce, and more recently the

first of the Christian churches, were now mere shadowy

ruins, haunted by the spirits of those who had lived

and died there and by the squatters who clung to a

desperate existence on the unwanted slops of those who

stubbornly remained in the dwindling city.*

Did you remember to take a deep intake of air before you wrote this sentence? Granted, I have asthma, but - WOW! This is a long sentence, mate! I dare not read it aloud... ;-) I think it may be the additional information about the god of Commerce being thrown in as a seemingly after thought or maybe it seems too busy to my brain with the commas in that first part of the sentence. I tend to be a direct little simpleton sometimes, so bear with me. :-)

*Fantasists* I didn't even know this was a word, but now that I do, I still would have gotten the meaning just the same. Besides, I really like the way it sounds when I say it out loud - I’ll have to use that at work tomorrow!

Did you "dummy" up the dialogue for the purpose of appealing to a certain audience. I don't quite picture them saying things like, "have a clue" and such, but I will fully proclaim my ignorance on the specifics of jargon for the era.

That said, I am happy with this and sincerely hoping to read more. :-) *Insert hopeful look*

Please? :-) It is a great plot and I am anxious to learn what will happen to who and when and how - need I say more!

Regarding the comments I opened with...you must know by now, I simply cannot resist pulling your ears a bit now and then. :-)
9/29/2003 c1 54Werecat99
Your description of Aurelium was simply fascinating.

I already like this. Fast, witty exchange in the dialog, realistic characters, great feel of the era.

I will be waiting for more.
9/24/2003 c1 amicus veritas
A tremendous amount of research and thought put into your work...congratulations on the very real descriptions and feelings of such a time so far in the past...history is fascinating...I am curious as to your theme...reason for writing this...and my knowledge of history at 420 AD is sparse...the corruption rampant after the departure of the Romans? The lack of cohesive purpose? A prelude to the dark ages? interesting work...amicus
9/22/2003 c1 Loganberry not logged in
Nope, not the same Hadrian - because he'd have been 344 years old by 420! =;P
9/22/2003 c1 giygas666
From the looks of things, this'll be a very interesting story. I especially like the setting; this town appears to be a rather desolate and gloomy place, and very realistic; your descriptions were very good. After reading this, I remembered that there was a wall in ancient Britain called Hadrian's Wall. One of your characters in named Hadrian...could this be the same Hadrian?

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